Poetry
The latest issue of Urbanite features a piece on the resurgance of Poetry in Baltimore. Or, perhaps more accurately, discusses its current iteration in Baltimore. Academic poets and slam poets unite! One of the faculty of my program states that she believes there's no more turf wars where poetry is concerned in our fair city. The language poets, the spoken word people, the formalists, and the free versers are all sat down at the table of images and metaphors. The article made me realize a couple of things: I don't know the Baltimore poetry scene at all (I think spoken word artists and poets of the academy are two very distinct camps), and that I'm not sure I'm a viable poet when all things are considered.
I submitted poetry to Urbanite quite recently and heard nothing from them. I submitted poetry to Smartish Pace (another local outfit) and was rejected. I submit to numerous online journals and print journals that would be appropriate venues for the kind of poem I write. I always hear something like this: "Interesting, but not right for our publication." Then I go back and reread the content of the periodical (whichever one it happens to be), and I really cannot discern any credible difference between my stuff and what they deem worthy of print. Or, I read the winners of their contests, and I don't see what it is about those prize-yielding poems that made them such.
People whose assessment of these matters I trust have told me that I'm a good poet, but at what point do I accept that my stuff just isn't publishable? Okay. I have been published. Three of my poems were picked up by the Little Patuxent Review a year ago. Until then, I'd only had a little nonfiction article published in an online men's forum. Still, I have to ask if I've been wrong all this time. I'm starting to feel like I have no place in this literary conversation. Should I be fighting for more visibility among my peers?
Wine
Sarah and I had a wine feast with our favourite couple--the former Baltimore Sun journalist who interviewed me about my blog back in '06 and his wife--at Wine Me Up! in Westminster. The effortless, fluid conversation lasted four hours before I even knew that a minute had passed. Two bottles, one Rock and Vine, the other The Black Chook, aided and abetted this communion. They are the kind of people that you just love fiercely and immediately. Halfway through the evening, I decided that I wanted the husband of the couple to walk me down the aisle someday. If there's ever an aisle to walk down, that is.
I Spy
Thanks to Catchka's generosity, I am more than halfway through the Alias series. I am nearly done with Season 3 and am ready to borrow her Season 4 disks. I have been dreaming in spy vernacular and I love it.
My Holistic Health Guru is in Costa Rica Surfing
and my eating has been out of control. But I spun twice last week. Gosh. I have to get a grip.
Other stuff
I want nails again. I mean like salon nails. Like augmented nails.
Stay tuned.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Finally Feeling Better
after doing some work this afternoon (to the backdrop of Alias season 2) to compensate for my lack of productivity on Friday afternoon (started to feel really bad), I went to the market to buy myself a mess of drugs (and a few groceries, too). The coughing fits are tough to take; hopefully, they'll subside soon.
I'll be taking the equivalent of a drug store medicine aisle with me to work tomorrow, and I won't be working out (in spite of my expanding waistline). I can't risk a coughing fit mid-excersie routine.
I'll be taking the equivalent of a drug store medicine aisle with me to work tomorrow, and I won't be working out (in spite of my expanding waistline). I can't risk a coughing fit mid-excersie routine.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Industry
At the risk of obsessive blogging, I wanted to report that in response to my rejection from the Sow's Ear Chapbook Contest, I have submitted to another contest—just a few moments ago. Additionally, I circled two other contests to which I'll be submitting over the course of the next month. Beyond that, I will also be tossing my hat into the ring for another chapbook prize. I won't hear about the Maryland Individual Artist Grant for several months now, but I'm committed to figuring out a way to make my art lucrative.
As I'll be concentrating in Literary Nonfiction in the fall, I'm also going to start entering essay contests.
Homebound and Disappointed
I have some sort of low-grade bug. More than anything else, I feel run down; I have a cough, too, but for the most part, nothing very much is wrong. I'm trying to get a lot of rest (sleep is so often the cure for these things), but also to use the free time to accomplish something.
This bug is the reason I'm not getting together with friends this afternoon, and my sister is out of town as she had already planned to be. It's a good time, then, to finally finish watching Catchka's Alias season 2 dvds; it's a good time to catch up on laundry; to bake the yams I bought weeks ago, and to crack open The Woman In White by Wilkie Collins.
I checked the mail, too. I heard from one of the literary journals to which I submitted a poetry manuscript for chapbook publication consideration; I did not win the prize.
In happier news, an old friend has found me. When I was 12, this girl was my closest friend. Now she is happy and in love with one of my closest guy friends from high school. Life has a beautiful way of working out sometimes.
Oh, and speed dating is so on!
This bug is the reason I'm not getting together with friends this afternoon, and my sister is out of town as she had already planned to be. It's a good time, then, to finally finish watching Catchka's Alias season 2 dvds; it's a good time to catch up on laundry; to bake the yams I bought weeks ago, and to crack open The Woman In White by Wilkie Collins.
I checked the mail, too. I heard from one of the literary journals to which I submitted a poetry manuscript for chapbook publication consideration; I did not win the prize.
In happier news, an old friend has found me. When I was 12, this girl was my closest friend. Now she is happy and in love with one of my closest guy friends from high school. Life has a beautiful way of working out sometimes.
Oh, and speed dating is so on!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Black in America
Soledad O'Brien's two 2-hour "Black in America" documentaries proffered another serving of the obvious truths: Poverty and socio-economic disparity, education gaps, the lack of fathers/stable home lives, and a legacy of racism have all put black Americans at a disadvantage.
I had been looking forward to the profiles because I thought there would be some attempt to probe the way blacks are perceived by those who would consider themselves socially and politically evolved--or the way blacks perceive themselves. The first installment "Black Women and the Family," might have been less superficial if, in the context of the public's reaction to Michelle Obama, there had been some honest dialogue about the way educated, evolved, successful black women are critiqued for that success.
I have read numerous Op-Ed pieces about the Obamas. When these pieces are negative, they often focus on what the writers believe to be Barack's elitist bent and his wif'e's inaccessibility. If you're not sensitized to the issue, you probably cannot hear the subversive question: Who do those Uppity Niggers think they are? But I do.
A recent piece in the New York Times criticized Barack Obama for not providing enough fodder for comedians. Jimmy Kimmel called it "reverse racism" that white comedians have been made to feel that they cannot poke fun at the candidate without being accused of being racist. That issue aside, the complaints are that his bearing is so dignified, that he has no weird conversational or syntactical ticks, and that he simply does not invite, by way of stupidity, being aped. The writer of that piece suggested that this lack of humour (note: the fact that Maureen Dowd did not make a real distinction between Barack's having a sense of humour and not being one that is easily made fun of should have been caught by some editor at the NYT) could backfire come election time.
The Jack and Jill Politics blog entry written in reaction to this article addressed the "Mr. Bojangles-Step-N-Fetch-It" paradigm the article exposed. The writer said, in effect, "No, White America. It is not our job, as black people, to entertain you."
The criticism of Obama that he is too serious and an elitist seems to me to be the cry of discomfort with a black man who is not succuessful as a result of athletic prowess or some peddling of pedantic rap music. The public--blacks included--are only prepared to accept certain images of black men and women. If we're making you laugh, clowning and tomming, or bowing and scraping in some fashion, then white people can feel okay about their place in the world.
Sure. It's fine for Blacks to grasp the American Dream, as long as we remember who we are and what our place is. Oh, and another thing I would like to ask us all to consider: When you're black, you don't have the luxury of tomfoolery, being the class clown--not as part of your public image.
When, as a black woman, I see any action performed or hear any statment made by another black person that seems to confirm the worst of what people believe about African Americans, I feel the impact of it as deeply as if I had said it or done it. Every member of the race has to answer for that jack-assedness.
An inherent part of white privilege is that no matter what any member of the race does--the race, on the whole, does not have to bear the burden of the action.
While I would not presume to speak for Barack Obama, or his wife, I understand what I know they understand: if you are black, you must be above reproach. If you are going to pervert every preconceived notion and implode every stereotype, nothing can get by you. One instance of anything prejudice expects, and that is how you will be known.
One of the sisters of Having Our Say fame once commented "If Dan Quayle was black, he'd be somewhere washing dishes."
But when we, specifically black women, do what we must in order to be considered viable contributors to any enterprise, it does backfire. Consider this piece from the Washington Post. I've written about this before: strength in me so often gets misinterpreted as arrogance or anger.
So, yes. There are gaps in standardized test performance between blacks and whites; yep--economic disparity; absolutely, a lot of black men are in jail; and while we're at it, let's acknowledge that we don't keep our legs crossed often enough, and therefore create more economically, educationally, and socially depressed people.
But what about the other battles you face after you charge and clear those hurdles? What do you do when you get the distinct impression that all those rabid liberals who would be hard-pressed to consider themselves anything but socially and politically evolved, still want to know on what authority you dare to be--or even think--yourself worthy of being the President of the United States. And your wife? Well, someone should tell her how lucky she is.
I had been looking forward to the profiles because I thought there would be some attempt to probe the way blacks are perceived by those who would consider themselves socially and politically evolved--or the way blacks perceive themselves. The first installment "Black Women and the Family," might have been less superficial if, in the context of the public's reaction to Michelle Obama, there had been some honest dialogue about the way educated, evolved, successful black women are critiqued for that success.
I have read numerous Op-Ed pieces about the Obamas. When these pieces are negative, they often focus on what the writers believe to be Barack's elitist bent and his wif'e's inaccessibility. If you're not sensitized to the issue, you probably cannot hear the subversive question: Who do those Uppity Niggers think they are? But I do.
A recent piece in the New York Times criticized Barack Obama for not providing enough fodder for comedians. Jimmy Kimmel called it "reverse racism" that white comedians have been made to feel that they cannot poke fun at the candidate without being accused of being racist. That issue aside, the complaints are that his bearing is so dignified, that he has no weird conversational or syntactical ticks, and that he simply does not invite, by way of stupidity, being aped. The writer of that piece suggested that this lack of humour (note: the fact that Maureen Dowd did not make a real distinction between Barack's having a sense of humour and not being one that is easily made fun of should have been caught by some editor at the NYT) could backfire come election time.
The Jack and Jill Politics blog entry written in reaction to this article addressed the "Mr. Bojangles-Step-N-Fetch-It" paradigm the article exposed. The writer said, in effect, "No, White America. It is not our job, as black people, to entertain you."
The criticism of Obama that he is too serious and an elitist seems to me to be the cry of discomfort with a black man who is not succuessful as a result of athletic prowess or some peddling of pedantic rap music. The public--blacks included--are only prepared to accept certain images of black men and women. If we're making you laugh, clowning and tomming, or bowing and scraping in some fashion, then white people can feel okay about their place in the world.
Sure. It's fine for Blacks to grasp the American Dream, as long as we remember who we are and what our place is. Oh, and another thing I would like to ask us all to consider: When you're black, you don't have the luxury of tomfoolery, being the class clown--not as part of your public image.
When, as a black woman, I see any action performed or hear any statment made by another black person that seems to confirm the worst of what people believe about African Americans, I feel the impact of it as deeply as if I had said it or done it. Every member of the race has to answer for that jack-assedness.
An inherent part of white privilege is that no matter what any member of the race does--the race, on the whole, does not have to bear the burden of the action.
While I would not presume to speak for Barack Obama, or his wife, I understand what I know they understand: if you are black, you must be above reproach. If you are going to pervert every preconceived notion and implode every stereotype, nothing can get by you. One instance of anything prejudice expects, and that is how you will be known.
One of the sisters of Having Our Say fame once commented "If Dan Quayle was black, he'd be somewhere washing dishes."
But when we, specifically black women, do what we must in order to be considered viable contributors to any enterprise, it does backfire. Consider this piece from the Washington Post. I've written about this before: strength in me so often gets misinterpreted as arrogance or anger.
So, yes. There are gaps in standardized test performance between blacks and whites; yep--economic disparity; absolutely, a lot of black men are in jail; and while we're at it, let's acknowledge that we don't keep our legs crossed often enough, and therefore create more economically, educationally, and socially depressed people.
But what about the other battles you face after you charge and clear those hurdles? What do you do when you get the distinct impression that all those rabid liberals who would be hard-pressed to consider themselves anything but socially and politically evolved, still want to know on what authority you dare to be--or even think--yourself worthy of being the President of the United States. And your wife? Well, someone should tell her how lucky she is.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
hodge podge
thanks to Catchka, C and I are absolutely hooked on this. for the last two nights, we've watched all 12 episodes of season 1 and cannot wait for the season 2 premiere this sunday night.
we sisters have also been exercising in the morning every day for the last two weeks and eating brie and jam for snacks. these things might seem to be at cross purposes,but i assure you: they aren't.
yesterday was such a happy mail day--while i got my fair share of bills, i also finally received my 100-dollar Rent.com bonus (I found my apartment as a direct result of an e-mail they sent me). decisions, decisions. should i buy a vacuum? art for the pumpkin-coloured wall? groceries?
also on the planes of my life is the resurgance of the blowpop. oh. and i think i'm going speed dating in a few weeks. gawd.
we sisters have also been exercising in the morning every day for the last two weeks and eating brie and jam for snacks. these things might seem to be at cross purposes,but i assure you: they aren't.
yesterday was such a happy mail day--while i got my fair share of bills, i also finally received my 100-dollar Rent.com bonus (I found my apartment as a direct result of an e-mail they sent me). decisions, decisions. should i buy a vacuum? art for the pumpkin-coloured wall? groceries?
also on the planes of my life is the resurgance of the blowpop. oh. and i think i'm going speed dating in a few weeks. gawd.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
there's no use crying over spilt hazelnut coffee...
this week's big news is that C joined my gym. This means workout solidarity and a ride to the gym. i see plainly now that my lack of motivation of late had more to do with not wanting to cart all my gym stuff (and whatever else i might need for the day) to the light rail stop at an hour of the morning that is dicey at best. anyway, during our drive this morning, my coffee spilled. it tumbled right out of the cup holder and saturated C's car carpet. Well, at least she'll have the essence of hazelnut with her for years to come (or for the life of the car).
once at the gym, i discovered that while i had the requisite blouse; underwear; shower things; and shoes for work, that i did not have any pants. well, i was not going back home and missing the workout, so that meant that i was either going home afterward (and would be late for work) or that i would be wearing my workout pants with my work stuff. this idea was distasteful (to say the very least).
it didn't get to that, though. one of my gym friends is in the habit of carrying an extra pair of pants in her car in case of spills. problem solved.
after spin class this morning, several regulars hosted a shower for our instructor (she's getting married in September); I didn't know about it. I would have loved to participate. The month that I was M.I.A. from class, she e-mailed me just to make sure I was all right. And this morning during the missing pants debacle, she offered to drive me home after class to get some.
there's no use crying over hazelnut coffee when the people at your gym and your sister have your back.
speaking of sisters, we have a new motto: Size 8 Or Bust.
That is what is giving me the strength to say no to the Dunkin' D Munchkins one of my coworkers brought in.
once at the gym, i discovered that while i had the requisite blouse; underwear; shower things; and shoes for work, that i did not have any pants. well, i was not going back home and missing the workout, so that meant that i was either going home afterward (and would be late for work) or that i would be wearing my workout pants with my work stuff. this idea was distasteful (to say the very least).
it didn't get to that, though. one of my gym friends is in the habit of carrying an extra pair of pants in her car in case of spills. problem solved.
after spin class this morning, several regulars hosted a shower for our instructor (she's getting married in September); I didn't know about it. I would have loved to participate. The month that I was M.I.A. from class, she e-mailed me just to make sure I was all right. And this morning during the missing pants debacle, she offered to drive me home after class to get some.
there's no use crying over hazelnut coffee when the people at your gym and your sister have your back.
speaking of sisters, we have a new motto: Size 8 Or Bust.
That is what is giving me the strength to say no to the Dunkin' D Munchkins one of my coworkers brought in.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
It's a Family Affair (it's a family affair)...
So, we're 4 hours out from the Cookie Lee Jewelry party my sister and I are hosting at our place. Would you believe I've been to the grocery store three times for this event and still managed to forget something? My short-term memory sucks right now. Fortunately, Sarah agreed to pick up the two items and bring them with her when she comes...
Crystal is picking up my mom and the dog to bring them for the festivities. That should be interesting. My mom will bluster in like a hurricane with all her props and upset my apple cart. In any case, i'm alone in the apartment--something that's rarely ever the case--and it feels strange. I've realized something. I am motivated by sustained solitude. Being with another person for long periods of time is immobalizing. My sister couldn't be a better roommate, but I living with her (as would be the case with anyone) has crippled some basic part of the way I function.
I've got to get back into some sort of groove. Grad school is around the corner and this lethargy just won't do.
Am hoping the hhg can help; I've agreed to pay the fee to leverage his services to help me reach my goals. Remember how I said I thought I was developing a Middle Class (Bourgeoisie) paradigm? I think I've officially shifted. You know, the last thing I wanted was to be completely uninteresting. Here I am.
Crystal is picking up my mom and the dog to bring them for the festivities. That should be interesting. My mom will bluster in like a hurricane with all her props and upset my apple cart. In any case, i'm alone in the apartment--something that's rarely ever the case--and it feels strange. I've realized something. I am motivated by sustained solitude. Being with another person for long periods of time is immobalizing. My sister couldn't be a better roommate, but I living with her (as would be the case with anyone) has crippled some basic part of the way I function.
I've got to get back into some sort of groove. Grad school is around the corner and this lethargy just won't do.
Am hoping the hhg can help; I've agreed to pay the fee to leverage his services to help me reach my goals. Remember how I said I thought I was developing a Middle Class (Bourgeoisie) paradigm? I think I've officially shifted. You know, the last thing I wanted was to be completely uninteresting. Here I am.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
my meeting with a holistic health guru and a black cat who tried to show me the way
for about two months now (more?), i've been trying to meet with a licensed holistic health specialist for an initial consultation. he gave a talk at my gym some months ago now called "sugar blues," which i attended. i've had a remarkable lack of motivation for fitness and healthy eating for the last 4 or 5 months, so i decided that arming myself with more information (a stimulus for me), would give me the internal nudge i need.
one scheduling misstep and mishap after another (on both our parts) meant that hhg (holistic health guy) and I did not meet until today. i arranged to leave work a half hour early so I'd be on time. i didn't realize the meeting would be at a residence--his, to be exact. i knocked timidly when i arrived, about a half hour early. when i got no answer, i resigned myself to just waiting outside.
i should mention here that there was a rotund, pearl-black cat, sitting fatly on the porch. i'm not categorically superstitious (I walk on cracks, my mother's back is yet unbroken), but black cats give me pause. anyway, it saw me and went scurrying. that's when i initially knocked, got no answer, and then promptly left the porch area when the cat came back... intentionally, and sat at the front door and meowed (as if to say helloooo, company). no one came to the door. the cat looked at me as if to say hey, i tried, then unceremoniously shat in the yard.
at around the scheduled time, one of hhg's housemates came home and let me in. a few moments later, firmly ensconced in the guru's private lair, i told him what i'm hoping to gain (and lose) and what i'd like to work on. as i knew he would, he mostly listened, stressed balance as the antidote to dysfunction and unrest, and told me what all comes with the sessions (should i decide to put myself in league with him). it's actually quite exciting. there are cooking classes to attend, metabolic typing (the particular program i'm interested in), and support for 6 months.
i just have to decide if it's in my budget. okay, i know it's in my budget. i just need to eliminate some meals out and i'd have a windfall of resources. this seems like the logical next step, so i believe i'm going to take it.
will keep you posted.
one scheduling misstep and mishap after another (on both our parts) meant that hhg (holistic health guy) and I did not meet until today. i arranged to leave work a half hour early so I'd be on time. i didn't realize the meeting would be at a residence--his, to be exact. i knocked timidly when i arrived, about a half hour early. when i got no answer, i resigned myself to just waiting outside.
i should mention here that there was a rotund, pearl-black cat, sitting fatly on the porch. i'm not categorically superstitious (I walk on cracks, my mother's back is yet unbroken), but black cats give me pause. anyway, it saw me and went scurrying. that's when i initially knocked, got no answer, and then promptly left the porch area when the cat came back... intentionally, and sat at the front door and meowed (as if to say helloooo, company). no one came to the door. the cat looked at me as if to say hey, i tried, then unceremoniously shat in the yard.
at around the scheduled time, one of hhg's housemates came home and let me in. a few moments later, firmly ensconced in the guru's private lair, i told him what i'm hoping to gain (and lose) and what i'd like to work on. as i knew he would, he mostly listened, stressed balance as the antidote to dysfunction and unrest, and told me what all comes with the sessions (should i decide to put myself in league with him). it's actually quite exciting. there are cooking classes to attend, metabolic typing (the particular program i'm interested in), and support for 6 months.
i just have to decide if it's in my budget. okay, i know it's in my budget. i just need to eliminate some meals out and i'd have a windfall of resources. this seems like the logical next step, so i believe i'm going to take it.
will keep you posted.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
coffee & pie for breakfast
my cloudy day fourth of july plans with Sarah involved one of my favourite things--a carpet picnic. a carpet picnic is basically eating food that one might eat at a picnic, indoors. we enjoyed crab & artichoke dip on toasted sesame crackers, crispy wings, and leftover pizza. we got a wildberry pie (with a buttery, flaky crust) to enjoy for dessert. i was a little too stuffed to enjoy my slice last night, so this morning i indulged (with a moat of whipped cream on the side). mmm. a holiday week.
Friday, July 04, 2008
birthday week
i've been with the sarah-one for the last day and a half celebrating her 33rd (dinner out, a couple of movies we'd been meaning to see, and just generally cavorting). otherwise, holding it down at the office, and trying to get back into a reasonable exercise routine. next week, i meet with a holistic health guy to discuss what i should be eating for optimum metabolic performance. other than that, Sarah and i have been trying to nail down early fall vacation plans. i think i've officially become part of the bourgeoisie. i was totally surprised when i realized that i am, in fact, middle class. my parents never made into that tax bracket or mindset. this may be bad news. antithetical to artistic hunger.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Of Blueberry Cobbler Coffee and the Unexpected
During the course of my second, somewhat inorganic stint on an online personals site, I came across the profile of a man I'll call Jarvis St. Croix, and was intrigued. Intrigued enough, anyway. I wrote to him. Then I met the nudist-oh-i'm-also-into-soft-core-fetishes guy and my second go 'round on the "find a date" wheel ground to a halt. The nudist provided clarity. I was trying to force something that did not feel natural. What is more, I wasn't really over Mr. Close Encounters.
Fast forward to today: The day on which my dining room wall was rescheduled to be painted pumpkin (not pumpKING as I errantly typed a post or two back), and the day on which some computer issues at work made it infinitely easier for me to come home and work, the day on which Jarvis St. Croix instant messaged me.
Months ago after my "Who am I kidding, exactly?" moment, i wrote to Jarvis St. Croix and told him the truth. The truth being, that my overture toward him aside, I was begging off dating and perusing the personals for a series of practical reasons. The timing was off and didn't want him to think I'm simply dropped off the face of the Earth. He appreciated my candor, and let me know that if I ever found myself wanting to grab a coffee, he'd be up for it.
A door that was never fully closed, but that I, in any case, did not care to test by pushing, is now ajar. He said he'd call sometime. Could be fun.
Oh, and I'm drinking blueberry cobbler coffee while I write. Sarah is sitting across from me diligently attending to her homework.
Fast forward to today: The day on which my dining room wall was rescheduled to be painted pumpkin (not pumpKING as I errantly typed a post or two back), and the day on which some computer issues at work made it infinitely easier for me to come home and work, the day on which Jarvis St. Croix instant messaged me.
Months ago after my "Who am I kidding, exactly?" moment, i wrote to Jarvis St. Croix and told him the truth. The truth being, that my overture toward him aside, I was begging off dating and perusing the personals for a series of practical reasons. The timing was off and didn't want him to think I'm simply dropped off the face of the Earth. He appreciated my candor, and let me know that if I ever found myself wanting to grab a coffee, he'd be up for it.
A door that was never fully closed, but that I, in any case, did not care to test by pushing, is now ajar. He said he'd call sometime. Could be fun.
Oh, and I'm drinking blueberry cobbler coffee while I write. Sarah is sitting across from me diligently attending to her homework.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
what i've been doing
1. watching many, many episodes of the "Dog Whisperer"
2. trying desperately to believe that my dining room wall will actually be painted tomorrow
3. getting acquainted with my new laptop
4. reveling in the new flex time schedule at work (leaving an hour earlier has yet to get old!)
5. planning a jewelry party
6. mentally preparing for grad school
2. trying desperately to believe that my dining room wall will actually be painted tomorrow
3. getting acquainted with my new laptop
4. reveling in the new flex time schedule at work (leaving an hour earlier has yet to get old!)
5. planning a jewelry party
6. mentally preparing for grad school
Saturday, June 21, 2008
i'm a little confused about why some people can't seem to follow instructions
or perform services according to the schedule they give you. My dining room wall is still unpainted. I should have come home last night after my happy hour with a now-former coworker and friend to a pumpkin coloured dining room (to continue the scheme of the livingroom wall). i swear. i swear.
'tis the season for me to adjust to my expectations being, um, not met.
'tis the season for me to adjust to my expectations being, um, not met.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Real Neighborhly Like
After a dinner out with the girls, C,V, and I came back here so V could see our new place. Shortly after we arrived at the apartment, there was an insistent knock on my door. I opened it to find my next door neighbor. She was bearing a tray of pecan tarts and homemade vegetable pancakes. She implied with gestures and gifts (she spoke little english) that these were a welcome, of sorts. We thanked her, told her our names (which I don't think she understood), and she told us hers (which we did not understand, either).
For at least 10 minutes we sat pondering this overture. Do people still bring their neighbors gifts? Does the human spirit still have enough triumph in it that, a language barrier aside, some are still willing to knock on their neighbors' doors with openness of heart? We wondered. And were humbled. C and I have noticed that this sweet lady likes plants (if her balcony is anything to go by). We're going to pick out a lovely, summery one for her.
For at least 10 minutes we sat pondering this overture. Do people still bring their neighbors gifts? Does the human spirit still have enough triumph in it that, a language barrier aside, some are still willing to knock on their neighbors' doors with openness of heart? We wondered. And were humbled. C and I have noticed that this sweet lady likes plants (if her balcony is anything to go by). We're going to pick out a lovely, summery one for her.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Still settling in
Sunday was an impromptu move day, part 2. C and I headed to my mom's house to pick up more of her clothes and various and sundry other things--some weird mishmash of photographs, papers, and jewelry. Oh. And free weights. A carload, in any case.
As for me, I went spinning (to the gym, period) for the first time in a month yesterday. Well, it was just like riding a bike. The body, indeed, has a memory.
As for me, I went spinning (to the gym, period) for the first time in a month yesterday. Well, it was just like riding a bike. The body, indeed, has a memory.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Rediscovering the Internet (Chocolate in my Purse)
Due to some stalled projects at the office, and the drama of this election season, I've discovered (or rediscovered) a few sites.
The Root
Jack and Jill Politics
Slate
Salon.com
The New Yorker
In other news, work today took me away from the office to our Nation's Capitol for a summit. The highlight? Getting to hear Obama's and McCain's Education point people talk about the respective senators' ed policies. One panelist quoted someone else (he declined to say who) who likened No Child Left Behind (NCLB) to a Russian Novel: long, complicated, and in the end everybody dies.
McCain's person said something that gave me pause. Essentially, the idea that any teacher would be teaching purely to avoid the sanctions of NCLB is 'immoral,' but the fact that NCLB exists and the penalties that are associated with not hitting certain benchmarks means that some kids that were 'invisible' aren't anymore.
Obama's person was big on clearing up one thing: there are no 'silver bullets' and 'golden tickets' (i.e., magic programs) that are going to fix the education connundrum. Obama's team wants to empower teachers to use and leverage resources to figure out what works for them and their students.
I'll go everyone one better. Education reform, on the whole, without parental reform is doomed to failure.
I smuggled a handful of chocolate truffles home in my white leather purse. I want you to imagine this for a moment. Heat. white leather. chocolate. truffles.
The Root
Jack and Jill Politics
Slate
Salon.com
The New Yorker
In other news, work today took me away from the office to our Nation's Capitol for a summit. The highlight? Getting to hear Obama's and McCain's Education point people talk about the respective senators' ed policies. One panelist quoted someone else (he declined to say who) who likened No Child Left Behind (NCLB) to a Russian Novel: long, complicated, and in the end everybody dies.
McCain's person said something that gave me pause. Essentially, the idea that any teacher would be teaching purely to avoid the sanctions of NCLB is 'immoral,' but the fact that NCLB exists and the penalties that are associated with not hitting certain benchmarks means that some kids that were 'invisible' aren't anymore.
Obama's person was big on clearing up one thing: there are no 'silver bullets' and 'golden tickets' (i.e., magic programs) that are going to fix the education connundrum. Obama's team wants to empower teachers to use and leverage resources to figure out what works for them and their students.
I'll go everyone one better. Education reform, on the whole, without parental reform is doomed to failure.
I smuggled a handful of chocolate truffles home in my white leather purse. I want you to imagine this for a moment. Heat. white leather. chocolate. truffles.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
cable, sort of...
my tech was supposed to arrive at my new place to set me up for service between 4 and 7 on Saturday (the day of my move). He showed up, per Comcast's call to say as much, by about 8:30. Once he arrived it became clear that it wasn't going to happen. The cable box/source for my apartment building is in the parking garage, which he could not gain access to.
after two or three phone calls Comcast agreed to get someone to my place this morning. another tech, two hours, and the tech's supervisor later, and I am somewhat connected... Obviously, the Internet situation is okay. But... the tv has had some issues. In addition to the rigamarole that was involved in getting me connected (new box, adjusting settings, blah, blah, blah), now there's just a general service problem in my area.
other inconveniences include the fact that the post office has, in all likelihood, screwed up my sister's mail. I put in a forwarding order for myself, as an individual (i didn't think to include her on the order), so technically her first pay check should have arrived at my old address by last Wednesday or Thursday (the first check is not directly deposited). I checked the mail at the old apartment one last time on late Saturday afternoon and it still hadn't arrived. So, my sister, who has been working her new job for about 3.5 weeks and has nothing to show for it.
Oh. And my central air seems to be having a problem.
Finally, the painting of my accent walls cannot happen until June 16th even though I did my damndest to make that happen before I moved in. I swear. I swear...
after two or three phone calls Comcast agreed to get someone to my place this morning. another tech, two hours, and the tech's supervisor later, and I am somewhat connected... Obviously, the Internet situation is okay. But... the tv has had some issues. In addition to the rigamarole that was involved in getting me connected (new box, adjusting settings, blah, blah, blah), now there's just a general service problem in my area.
other inconveniences include the fact that the post office has, in all likelihood, screwed up my sister's mail. I put in a forwarding order for myself, as an individual (i didn't think to include her on the order), so technically her first pay check should have arrived at my old address by last Wednesday or Thursday (the first check is not directly deposited). I checked the mail at the old apartment one last time on late Saturday afternoon and it still hadn't arrived. So, my sister, who has been working her new job for about 3.5 weeks and has nothing to show for it.
Oh. And my central air seems to be having a problem.
Finally, the painting of my accent walls cannot happen until June 16th even though I did my damndest to make that happen before I moved in. I swear. I swear...
Friday, May 30, 2008
So, Wish Me Luck...
This is my final, pre-move post. Tomorrow at 9 a.m. the games begin. I'm trying to arrange and organize the furniture and boxes so that the movers can move everything out with efficiency and swiftness. Then I go to this new place--this blank slate--this new chapter.
Here's what's left:
break down and box the desktop computer
remove legs from IKEA desk
break down bed frame
take down shower curtains
put last minute toiletries in luggage or boxes
light cleaning
turn in the keys
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Postal Amnesty?
I forgot about the 1 cent increase for regular mail. Earlier this week I posted four bills, all with 41 cent stamps on them. I wonder if they'll all be sent back to me, which will doubly compound the situation, since those items will then have to be forwarded to my new address (I have an order to forward in place as of Tuesday). I figure it like this, if the money is still in my bank account a week from now, I'll just resend or pay online.
I am working for half a day today and save for a late-morning work meeting tomorrow (it couldn't be avoided), am off. The situation here at Chez Krupnik is that 96.8% of our stuff is packed and ready to go. I've arranged the boxes in two strategic locations so the movers can get them out of here with relative ease.
After I go to check out the apartment this afternoon, I'll come back here and deal with awkward items and maybe do some cleaning. My leasing agent has already completed her walkthrough. I'm clear for a full return of my security deposit, but still I want to do due dilligence.
I'm a bit tired this morning (C and I went out for Midnight Maki), but ready to get on with it, as well.
I am working for half a day today and save for a late-morning work meeting tomorrow (it couldn't be avoided), am off. The situation here at Chez Krupnik is that 96.8% of our stuff is packed and ready to go. I've arranged the boxes in two strategic locations so the movers can get them out of here with relative ease.
After I go to check out the apartment this afternoon, I'll come back here and deal with awkward items and maybe do some cleaning. My leasing agent has already completed her walkthrough. I'm clear for a full return of my security deposit, but still I want to do due dilligence.
I'm a bit tired this morning (C and I went out for Midnight Maki), but ready to get on with it, as well.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Heading into a long weekend [of packing]
i'm trying to position myself, where food consumption and preparation are concerned, so that i can pack up the kitchen by Sunday night. C and I have already transitioned to paper cups, but we're still using flatware, dishes, and the full suite of pots and pans. by monday night--cold foods, easy microwave (pre-fab) options, and eating out will be the order of things. I think I'll do the prep for my Memorial Day Potato Salad on Sunday afternoon. After that, no more cooking!
Here's what's left: 3/4 of the kitchen has to be wrapped and boxed, our clothes and shoes and my desk stuff all need to be packed, lamps need to be broken down, my bed has to be dissembled for easy transport, and I need to finish/tape up some boxes that are mostly filled.
I'll pack up the computer the night before...
Catchka comes over tomorrow night to help--we'll get started on the kitchen :).
Here's what's left: 3/4 of the kitchen has to be wrapped and boxed, our clothes and shoes and my desk stuff all need to be packed, lamps need to be broken down, my bed has to be dissembled for easy transport, and I need to finish/tape up some boxes that are mostly filled.
I'll pack up the computer the night before...
Catchka comes over tomorrow night to help--we'll get started on the kitchen :).
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Exit Strategy
I'm constantly on the edge of my seat--hawking CNN and Salon.com--watching every banal pundit analysis and reading every Op Ed piece for some clues about the psycho-political scenario that set the stage for the current democratic nomination drama.
I've said it before. I'll say it again. This is not a political blog. Now then, with that truth firmly reiterated, I have to say that I have never. ever. been so caught up in any election before. This isn't even the election. It's the lead-up.
Anyway, it's all got me thinking about stuff like "exit strategies" (my move is on my brain constantly) and "weakening positions."
I've said it before. I'll say it again. This is not a political blog. Now then, with that truth firmly reiterated, I have to say that I have never. ever. been so caught up in any election before. This isn't even the election. It's the lead-up.
Anyway, it's all got me thinking about stuff like "exit strategies" (my move is on my brain constantly) and "weakening positions."
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My sister's voice from Italy reaches me as I begin my work day
she landed safely. it's raining here. again. listening to Mary J. Blige. Wondering what's next. It was 2 in the afternoon there.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Here Comes The Sun
This is my recent grad school investment. my current desktop will soon belong to my sister (we'll get the hard drive scrubbed and amped a bit so it's actually uselful to her), so should I forget to transfer any files to my new system, it won't be too devastating. I went ahead and sprung for some software that will help me transfer my iTunes Library (a big concern of mine, since with few exceptions, I don't have the cds I ripped to my computer anymore).
Anyway, for the last year, I've seen myself with a yellow dell laptop. This colour is so optimistic--it's a real departure for me--and one I have warmed up to, only incrementally, somewhat reluctantly. In fact, when I went online to check out the specs I wanted, I nearly got caught up in the espresso brown model... I didn't know they had espresso brown and I suddenly didn't know what to do. In the end, I went for the bright and shiny factor. I mean, just looking at this colour makes me smile--I can't help it.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Completion
My youngest sister graduated from my undergrad alma mater on Saturday. Days in early May in Southern Maryland are typically balmy, mild, and sunny. This, much like my middle sister's graduation from a school in Vermont, was a cold, rainy, soggy debacle. These small schools really need a rain contingency plan.
Yesterday, Mother's Day, wasn't much different weather-wise, but we managed to have a good time with our mother. We had thought we would take her mini golfing, but our parade was rained on. Instead, we managed to get into a restaurant (no reservations) with only a 45-minute wait. Afterward, we went back to my mom's place with a rented copy of the The Bee Movie, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
C and I made the tough decision to make our way back to baltimore last night in the driving rain. Not getting to sleep till past midnight meant that a 6:30 alarm felt unfair, to say the least, but awake we did. While she showered, I made myself busy in the kitchen with coffee and breakfast prep. And then a lovely thing happened. My boss called. No power in our building. Report once you've been contacted that things are back up and running. C still had to report to her place of business, but I've been watching Alias Season 1 on DVD, writing out checks for bills, washing up dishes, and just taking care of things you don't usually get to attend to on a Monday morning. I'll have to make up the hours at some point (there's no work I can do from home), but for now I'm glad I didn't have brace myself to enter yet another torrential downpour.
Yesterday, Mother's Day, wasn't much different weather-wise, but we managed to have a good time with our mother. We had thought we would take her mini golfing, but our parade was rained on. Instead, we managed to get into a restaurant (no reservations) with only a 45-minute wait. Afterward, we went back to my mom's place with a rented copy of the The Bee Movie, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
C and I made the tough decision to make our way back to baltimore last night in the driving rain. Not getting to sleep till past midnight meant that a 6:30 alarm felt unfair, to say the least, but awake we did. While she showered, I made myself busy in the kitchen with coffee and breakfast prep. And then a lovely thing happened. My boss called. No power in our building. Report once you've been contacted that things are back up and running. C still had to report to her place of business, but I've been watching Alias Season 1 on DVD, writing out checks for bills, washing up dishes, and just taking care of things you don't usually get to attend to on a Monday morning. I'll have to make up the hours at some point (there's no work I can do from home), but for now I'm glad I didn't have brace myself to enter yet another torrential downpour.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Possibility
These mild, even-handed days make so much seem possible. also, i'm bored with myself. everything seems like retread. i'm so cynical... that's the worst. i wish i could work up some more excitement!
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Yield
Catchka-bell and I spent the late morning and early afternoon in the valley (hunt valley, that is) yesterday. Ended up spending money, however wisely, on some sorely-needed things. It's so hard for me to part with cash anymore. I feel this constant tension between wanting to save and needing stuff. Anyway, my gym shoes have been dead for about two years. I finally bought some new, sweet New Balance all-terrain sneaks on clearance.
After I got home, one of my neighbors came up and bought 70.00 worth of my cds! That felt like an instant validation of my choices, because I'd been worried that I was basically living beyond my means and choosing between having something to wear and being true to my efforts toward fiscal responsibility.
Anyway, as soon as I got that cash in hand, I hoofed it to an atm and deposited it.
Today, I'm going to order my new furniture and arrange for delivery. gah!
Just checked out my sister's and my cell phone bill (family plan). Gah. again.
After I got home, one of my neighbors came up and bought 70.00 worth of my cds! That felt like an instant validation of my choices, because I'd been worried that I was basically living beyond my means and choosing between having something to wear and being true to my efforts toward fiscal responsibility.
Anyway, as soon as I got that cash in hand, I hoofed it to an atm and deposited it.
Today, I'm going to order my new furniture and arrange for delivery. gah!
Just checked out my sister's and my cell phone bill (family plan). Gah. again.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Moving Sale!
So, I put up signs throughout my building advertising things I do not intend to take with me into the next phase of my life. A couple of mugs, some glassware, bookshelves that are still functional but not aesthetically pleasing, a swiffer mop with a nearly-full box of swiffer pads. The list goes on. As I mentioned in the last post, I unloaded the couches (I've already picked out new furniture!) last week. I don't feel nearly as nostalgic about them as I thought I would.
They were the first pieces of brand new furniture I purchased for the first apartment I lived in completely alone. And there are a couple of other reasons those couches are memorable...
At this point, all my books, cds, china cabinet contents, and purses/totebags are packed. I've taken a lot of things off the walls and I've given a bag of stuff to Goodwill. I'm far from done throwing things out. I love moving for this reason: it brings stunning clarity to me about what possessions it's time to unload. It's amazing, really. Every time I'm packing up, I find things that I can't believe I didn't throw out the last time!
It's a relief to be the opposite of my mother in this way. I have never had a problem letting material things go. This is not to say that I'm not sentimental about a few items, but eventually I come to the conclusion that my time with stuff is done. I'm able to realize that what it represents can't ever be changed. That helps a lot.
I'm also giving myself permission to outgrow my possessions without guilt. I want to keep evolving.
On a separate, but related note: My new address means I will have lived on two of the most important streets in central Baltimore. Maybe in a couple of years, I'll go for number three!
They were the first pieces of brand new furniture I purchased for the first apartment I lived in completely alone. And there are a couple of other reasons those couches are memorable...
At this point, all my books, cds, china cabinet contents, and purses/totebags are packed. I've taken a lot of things off the walls and I've given a bag of stuff to Goodwill. I'm far from done throwing things out. I love moving for this reason: it brings stunning clarity to me about what possessions it's time to unload. It's amazing, really. Every time I'm packing up, I find things that I can't believe I didn't throw out the last time!
It's a relief to be the opposite of my mother in this way. I have never had a problem letting material things go. This is not to say that I'm not sentimental about a few items, but eventually I come to the conclusion that my time with stuff is done. I'm able to realize that what it represents can't ever be changed. That helps a lot.
I'm also giving myself permission to outgrow my possessions without guilt. I want to keep evolving.
On a separate, but related note: My new address means I will have lived on two of the most important streets in central Baltimore. Maybe in a couple of years, I'll go for number three!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Lost in Electroland
Had a night out on the town with two coworker friends last night. We hit up XS for dinner then went to see "Lost In Electroland" at the Baltimore Theatre Project. Funny. The Scot was there--The Scot being the gentleman I had one very nice date with at this time last year. This play was produced, cooperatively, by the BTP and the Towson MFA in Experimental Theatre program. The Scot graduated from there as a playwright. This was not his play, but he helped out with production.
Quick wave. A smile. Nothing more. The fact that I didn't really feel the need to have a conversation with him, coupled with the fact that I started to feel like I was coming down with something halfway through the production, meant I left immediately after the lights came up.
Sometimes you have one really great date with someone and that's it. Because I met him after I met Mr. Close Encounters, I wasn't really invested anyway.
Sometimes I worry that I'm completely dried up. One of my friends mentioned last night how she sees couples do cute things and it's heart-melting (or something like that). I do not have this experience. I don't begrudge apparent affection between people. I simply don't notice it. And if I do, it certainly doesn't melt my heart. I just think "Wow, wonder what one or both of them is sacrificing to perpetuate that illusion."
I've heard enough conversations between married people and long-term daters to know that someone, one of them, at least, is not actually happy.
Anyway, things are moving along.
The couches? Out! Now I just need to score some packing tape and the games can begin.
Quick wave. A smile. Nothing more. The fact that I didn't really feel the need to have a conversation with him, coupled with the fact that I started to feel like I was coming down with something halfway through the production, meant I left immediately after the lights came up.
Sometimes you have one really great date with someone and that's it. Because I met him after I met Mr. Close Encounters, I wasn't really invested anyway.
Sometimes I worry that I'm completely dried up. One of my friends mentioned last night how she sees couples do cute things and it's heart-melting (or something like that). I do not have this experience. I don't begrudge apparent affection between people. I simply don't notice it. And if I do, it certainly doesn't melt my heart. I just think "Wow, wonder what one or both of them is sacrificing to perpetuate that illusion."
I've heard enough conversations between married people and long-term daters to know that someone, one of them, at least, is not actually happy.
Anyway, things are moving along.
The couches? Out! Now I just need to score some packing tape and the games can begin.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Transition
Haven't blogged much lately because I'm in limbo--my least favourite state. Waiting for my buyer to come get the couches, waiting for a financial aid award letter so I can accept the award, waiting to get paid so I can pay bills and buy moving tape. I'm waiting to be inspired. Everything seems largely contingent on something else that's not happening. blah.
I'm out of town at the beginning of next week. Meetings in the Lone Star State.
I'm out of town at the beginning of next week. Meetings in the Lone Star State.
Monday, March 31, 2008
The Best Kind of Morning
I woke up at 5:30 to ensure I got to 7 am spin on time, but because I have an academic advising appointment at 10 this morning, I came back to my apartment afterward to shower and follow up on all the quotes moving companies have sent to me.
I've also gotten a nibble on my craigslist posting. I've decided that after 4 years of the same couch and love seat, it's time to change things up. I'm selling those pieces and am going to put the yield toward a new couch (or set). I'm keeping the overstuffed chair that matches the couches, though. I'm thinking of putting that in my new bedroom, or if I only buy a couch (but not a couch and a loveseat), I'll put in the livingroom. I'm sure that whatever hue I choose will be complement the chair nicely. I have a decided colour palette. I'm sure the new furniture won't violate it too much.
Anyway, the best kind of morning is some combination of productive and leisurely. Oh, and on my terms.
I've also gotten a nibble on my craigslist posting. I've decided that after 4 years of the same couch and love seat, it's time to change things up. I'm selling those pieces and am going to put the yield toward a new couch (or set). I'm keeping the overstuffed chair that matches the couches, though. I'm thinking of putting that in my new bedroom, or if I only buy a couch (but not a couch and a loveseat), I'll put in the livingroom. I'm sure that whatever hue I choose will be complement the chair nicely. I have a decided colour palette. I'm sure the new furniture won't violate it too much.
Anyway, the best kind of morning is some combination of productive and leisurely. Oh, and on my terms.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Updates
C found a job--starts Tuesday. Her last day at her current place of employment is Monday. Also, on Saturday we scored an apartment. We move in June! Thank you, God :)
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Nancy Drew's Guide to Life
A sincere and straightforward demeanor will get most anyone to open up and volunteer information. it doesn't hurt to be an attractive young woman, either.--from The Clue in the Old Album
Monday, March 24, 2008
The Process of Elimination
Sometimes the perfect solution, the perfect prospect asserts itself right away. More often, though, it makes itself known after you exhaust a few dead ends and go on a few wild goose chases.
The second interview my sister went on last week yielded only clarity. Not the right opportunity. Another meeting today ended similarly. On the heels of these disappointments, new leads spring up. Case in point--she got a call today for something on Wednesday. It substantiates the fact that one must hustle even for the serendipitous event.
One of the apartment leads (the only real one I had to date) fell through. It came down to a technicality. I wasn't disappointed, though, because I'd started to feel just a day or so ago that this place was absolutely not going to be big enough no matter how I sliced it. Sarah commented based on the floor plan she saw weeks ago that it wouldn't work, but other features and ammenities made it hard to discount.
There's another long shot looming, but really what it amounts to is this: I have to keep searching.
Last Friday night, E spirited me to some far flung mall because I wanted to check out the chain that carries Sarah Jessica Parker's label, Bitten. SJP's philosophy, as I understand it, is that fashion should be accessible to women of a variety of sizes and shapes at affordable prices. For that reason, no single item is more than 20.00.
I have never seen such poor quality in all of my life. No wonder it's affordable. It's complete shite. My heart bleeds for the poor people who likely toiled to produce these articles. I don't recall ever feeling like I was looking at a blatant insult to clothing--not even when I've seen those tent-sized tweety bird & sylvester t-shirts some manufacturer seems to think that plus-sized women want to wear, or worse, that that's all they deserve.
I know I should should have been skeptical. The old adage about something for nothing and not being able to get it and all that... but because SJP's name is attached to it, I thought her label would be an exception to the conventional wisdom. Honestly, she should just insist on better quality and charge accordingly. It's still honourable that a line would cater to such a range in sizes, even if the clothes aren't cheap.
To be clear, Bitten is not sizist. The size 2 clothes are crap. The size 12s are crap. I mean like "fall apart if you wash it in the machine, crap." I ended up buying two pair of underwear--the only items I could sanction.
So now I know. Another possibility eliminated. On to the next!
The second interview my sister went on last week yielded only clarity. Not the right opportunity. Another meeting today ended similarly. On the heels of these disappointments, new leads spring up. Case in point--she got a call today for something on Wednesday. It substantiates the fact that one must hustle even for the serendipitous event.
One of the apartment leads (the only real one I had to date) fell through. It came down to a technicality. I wasn't disappointed, though, because I'd started to feel just a day or so ago that this place was absolutely not going to be big enough no matter how I sliced it. Sarah commented based on the floor plan she saw weeks ago that it wouldn't work, but other features and ammenities made it hard to discount.
There's another long shot looming, but really what it amounts to is this: I have to keep searching.
Last Friday night, E spirited me to some far flung mall because I wanted to check out the chain that carries Sarah Jessica Parker's label, Bitten. SJP's philosophy, as I understand it, is that fashion should be accessible to women of a variety of sizes and shapes at affordable prices. For that reason, no single item is more than 20.00.
I have never seen such poor quality in all of my life. No wonder it's affordable. It's complete shite. My heart bleeds for the poor people who likely toiled to produce these articles. I don't recall ever feeling like I was looking at a blatant insult to clothing--not even when I've seen those tent-sized tweety bird & sylvester t-shirts some manufacturer seems to think that plus-sized women want to wear, or worse, that that's all they deserve.
I know I should should have been skeptical. The old adage about something for nothing and not being able to get it and all that... but because SJP's name is attached to it, I thought her label would be an exception to the conventional wisdom. Honestly, she should just insist on better quality and charge accordingly. It's still honourable that a line would cater to such a range in sizes, even if the clothes aren't cheap.
To be clear, Bitten is not sizist. The size 2 clothes are crap. The size 12s are crap. I mean like "fall apart if you wash it in the machine, crap." I ended up buying two pair of underwear--the only items I could sanction.
So now I know. Another possibility eliminated. On to the next!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sprung a Leak
the one overt blight on my by most other accounts lovely apartment is sustained water damage in the dining room. it made itself known (peeling paint revealed more of a structural, systemic problem than a cosmetic one) a few months after i moved in. the next 6 months were spent waiting for the property manager to do something about it. she was a procrastinator, to put it nicely. before my ceiling got fixed a new property manager took the first one's place and had to haggle with the management company, over a period of about two months, to get them to fix it. that is, paint it.
i believe the paint job lasted a month before the familiar cracks and creases began to show and the hunks of paint began to fall.
there is almost no chance of it getting fixed again any time soon.
the other night i heard what sounded like skittering in the kitchen. i immediately tensed my shoulders and braced myself to have to deal with some sort of rodent (i can say that i have never once had any mice in this place and i couldn't be more grateful).
Drip.
Drop.
Drip.
Drop.
Water coming in droplets from a crease in the kitchen ceiling.
This morning, at the unfortunate hour of wakefulness (10 before 6), I felt my threadbare sock come into contact with moisture on the floor. Oh, right. The occasional, small evidence of a leak in the bathroom that i also deal with periodically.
The idiots on the 7th floor are notorious for turning on water and walking away from it. But this building is actually splitting apart due to the tightfists of the management company (located more than an hour away). I can't believe how shortsighted the owners are--rehabbing this building would bring a mint! They could charge double or triple for my unit alone.
But that isn't the point of this post.
I'm thinking of these leaks as a providential nod. It's really time to go. I know this. I've known this. I just have these moments of nostalgia or a lazy drive to stay put. Then, without fail.
Another crack. Another drop of water.
I just hope the building holds up long enough for me to get out.
i believe the paint job lasted a month before the familiar cracks and creases began to show and the hunks of paint began to fall.
there is almost no chance of it getting fixed again any time soon.
the other night i heard what sounded like skittering in the kitchen. i immediately tensed my shoulders and braced myself to have to deal with some sort of rodent (i can say that i have never once had any mice in this place and i couldn't be more grateful).
Drip.
Drop.
Drip.
Drop.
Water coming in droplets from a crease in the kitchen ceiling.
This morning, at the unfortunate hour of wakefulness (10 before 6), I felt my threadbare sock come into contact with moisture on the floor. Oh, right. The occasional, small evidence of a leak in the bathroom that i also deal with periodically.
The idiots on the 7th floor are notorious for turning on water and walking away from it. But this building is actually splitting apart due to the tightfists of the management company (located more than an hour away). I can't believe how shortsighted the owners are--rehabbing this building would bring a mint! They could charge double or triple for my unit alone.
But that isn't the point of this post.
I'm thinking of these leaks as a providential nod. It's really time to go. I know this. I've known this. I just have these moments of nostalgia or a lazy drive to stay put. Then, without fail.
Another crack. Another drop of water.
I just hope the building holds up long enough for me to get out.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Industry
I'm proud of myself. Though I've been a real slacker assed lazybones of late, I took the time to return my library books after work tonight. I even did some stop-gap marketing (just need to be tided over till pay day) on my way home. The fact that the coming week is going to be busy forced my hand. C returns to town on Monday (she was here this past week for a day and a half) for three more interviews, I have a post-project happy hour with some coworkers on Tuesday night, and Thursday I shop for an outfit or two for a business trip the following week. I'm off on Friday, but it's going to be a day of errands related to school and to the aforementioned trip.
On other fronts, I've been assigned a new project at work. I've had the luxury of trying to wrap my mind around what it will mean for most of this week.
Tonight, I did some streamlining (removed programs I never use from my computer) and faced the music (got a free credit report online--it was as abysmal as I suspected, though probably better than it was before I got serious about fixing my financial problems).
Now I need to go to bed. Sculpt is tomorrow!
On other fronts, I've been assigned a new project at work. I've had the luxury of trying to wrap my mind around what it will mean for most of this week.
Tonight, I did some streamlining (removed programs I never use from my computer) and faced the music (got a free credit report online--it was as abysmal as I suspected, though probably better than it was before I got serious about fixing my financial problems).
Now I need to go to bed. Sculpt is tomorrow!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Of Celebratory Meals and Tremendously Good Friends
I have the best friends in the world. I firmly believe that. I'm at the point in my life where my inner circle of confidantes is completely devoid of toxicity, smallness of spirit, backhanded, ironic "support," or any of that other junk. All of my girlfriends are the kind of people I've always wanted to know and be friends with.
Tonight E and I enjoyed a celebratory dinner at the City Cafe at her initiative, because "you deserve to be celebrated, honey..." As is pretty typical for us we caught up over fried calamari (to start) and covered everything from her family to the Spitzer Scandal, barely stopping to breathe.
I love breaking bread with the girls, no matter the reason, but it does feel wonderful when someone you care about wants to acknowledge the good things in your life by way of sharing delicious food. E, being self-possessed, on the move, career-wise, and knowing her own mind about some pretty important issues, was vibrant. That was so good to experience.
This all makes me reflect on Sarah, Catchka, Deb, V, R, and B--to name a few more--all of whom consistently demonstrate generous reactions to my good fortune and hearty support when I need it. I don't take it lightly. I'm so grateful for all of you...
Last night I had the good fortune to attend a panel discussion at the university. I guess it made the fact that I'll be going there more real (and broke up the usual monotony of a Monday night), gave me a sense of the "vibe," etc. It may be preliminary to say this, but I conjecture that I'll feel more connected to this campus and this program than I did to JHU. It's got more of a homegrown, grassroots feeling about it. At the same time, I think it will more closely fulfill my expectations of a graduate program,on the whole. Hopkins took up my time and I certainly, absolutely benefitted from invigorating literary discourse as part of that study, but I think this is going to get under my skin in a different way.
Before I figure all of that out, though, my sister and I need to find a place to live...
Tonight E and I enjoyed a celebratory dinner at the City Cafe at her initiative, because "you deserve to be celebrated, honey..." As is pretty typical for us we caught up over fried calamari (to start) and covered everything from her family to the Spitzer Scandal, barely stopping to breathe.
I love breaking bread with the girls, no matter the reason, but it does feel wonderful when someone you care about wants to acknowledge the good things in your life by way of sharing delicious food. E, being self-possessed, on the move, career-wise, and knowing her own mind about some pretty important issues, was vibrant. That was so good to experience.
This all makes me reflect on Sarah, Catchka, Deb, V, R, and B--to name a few more--all of whom consistently demonstrate generous reactions to my good fortune and hearty support when I need it. I don't take it lightly. I'm so grateful for all of you...
Last night I had the good fortune to attend a panel discussion at the university. I guess it made the fact that I'll be going there more real (and broke up the usual monotony of a Monday night), gave me a sense of the "vibe," etc. It may be preliminary to say this, but I conjecture that I'll feel more connected to this campus and this program than I did to JHU. It's got more of a homegrown, grassroots feeling about it. At the same time, I think it will more closely fulfill my expectations of a graduate program,on the whole. Hopkins took up my time and I certainly, absolutely benefitted from invigorating literary discourse as part of that study, but I think this is going to get under my skin in a different way.
Before I figure all of that out, though, my sister and I need to find a place to live...
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Lining Up Ducks
I had Jury Duty today and owing to a number that was fairly high in the range of jurors who reported, I got no trial action. Fine with me. I watched most of two movies I've seen several times (The Devil Wears Prada and Last Holiday) and got 15 bucks for my trouble.
We were released at about 3:45 because no afternoon misdemeanors were being heard. I took advantage of those extra afternoon hours and went grocery shopping. I am hosting a brunch on Saturday morning, dinner with my family on Sunday, and tomorrow night I'm seeing A, so I pretty much had to deal with my marketing obligations tonight, one way or the other.
The cabbie who spirited me home was interested in my wares. Our banter was pretty good. I halfheartedly considered that perhaps I should have agreed to meet him for a Guinness (man after my own heart), but then I realized that I am wary of such things with good reason. I told him if he was meant to see me again, he would.
Cornball, I know.
On other fronts, things with my new university are shaping up well. I'm just where I need to be in terms of applying for aid and all that. I'm just waiting for the second of those two letters to arrive so I can take relevant next steps (advisor procurement, ID cards, all that). I've got some time. The first day of class is 9/2.
We were released at about 3:45 because no afternoon misdemeanors were being heard. I took advantage of those extra afternoon hours and went grocery shopping. I am hosting a brunch on Saturday morning, dinner with my family on Sunday, and tomorrow night I'm seeing A, so I pretty much had to deal with my marketing obligations tonight, one way or the other.
The cabbie who spirited me home was interested in my wares. Our banter was pretty good. I halfheartedly considered that perhaps I should have agreed to meet him for a Guinness (man after my own heart), but then I realized that I am wary of such things with good reason. I told him if he was meant to see me again, he would.
Cornball, I know.
On other fronts, things with my new university are shaping up well. I'm just where I need to be in terms of applying for aid and all that. I'm just waiting for the second of those two letters to arrive so I can take relevant next steps (advisor procurement, ID cards, all that). I've got some time. The first day of class is 9/2.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
The News Is Good
Even though official letters to this end are still en route, I received an e-mail communique from the Director of the Program yesterday letting me know that I am in! "The news is good..." she told me. I had a feeling that I would find out just as all those big projects moved off my plate. Looking forward to being a student again, to a new computer (months down the road), and to gearing up for the next chapter.
Of course I read through my portfolio submission this morning in a spirit of reflecting on my own genius (mostly kidding) and spotted a slight typo. Immediately humbled. I started to think about the fact that perhaps they let me in thinking I could benefit from some help.
I won't be defeatist. Categorically, the news is good.
Of course I read through my portfolio submission this morning in a spirit of reflecting on my own genius (mostly kidding) and spotted a slight typo. Immediately humbled. I started to think about the fact that perhaps they let me in thinking I could benefit from some help.
I won't be defeatist. Categorically, the news is good.
Friday, February 29, 2008
On The Road
I'm listening to Kerouac's classic on cd (the most time-effective way to "read," for me, these days) and I happened upon a little bit of knowledge. At some point in the narrative, he says something like: "I called to him, 'are you leaving, yo?' We called each other 'yo...'"
This made me remember a recent "Grammar Girl" podcast in which some research study (a result of an observation by Baltimore City school teachers) that interrogated an "emerging pheonomena" was discussed. Students seemed to have found a gender-neutral pronoun, namely "yo," according to the findings. Cited example: "Look at Yo's coat."
I think most people who even remotely have their finger on the pulse of what's happening know that it's been a part of urban vernacular for years, but moving on... I actually took exception to the posited "used when the gender is unknown or unclear." The pronoun is gender-neutral, but not because the gender isn't known. I suppose it could be used in that case, but the students have not "come up" with a way to refer to a person whose gender is unknown to them.
Anyway, I find this Kerouacian revelation to be of great interest. What is it about the word "yo" that makes it such an obvious go-to when you want a short cut for reference to another? Obviously, in his case, also not used to address gender neutrality, but more a way of saying "you, a person, me, or otherwise."
This made me remember a recent "Grammar Girl" podcast in which some research study (a result of an observation by Baltimore City school teachers) that interrogated an "emerging pheonomena" was discussed. Students seemed to have found a gender-neutral pronoun, namely "yo," according to the findings. Cited example: "Look at Yo's coat."
I think most people who even remotely have their finger on the pulse of what's happening know that it's been a part of urban vernacular for years, but moving on... I actually took exception to the posited "used when the gender is unknown or unclear." The pronoun is gender-neutral, but not because the gender isn't known. I suppose it could be used in that case, but the students have not "come up" with a way to refer to a person whose gender is unknown to them.
Anyway, I find this Kerouacian revelation to be of great interest. What is it about the word "yo" that makes it such an obvious go-to when you want a short cut for reference to another? Obviously, in his case, also not used to address gender neutrality, but more a way of saying "you, a person, me, or otherwise."
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
My sister, having firmly decided upon a divorce, sounds like herself again
I've spoken candidly here about my sister's marriage before. It is no secret that I've been pulling for an end to it, for a number of reasons, all of which have to do with the fact that I now know it to have been an ill-conceived design (born of my sister's bent toward an utterly impulsive need to couple up at all costs). In my opinion, she's suffered enough. This marriage was an expensive lesson for her, and in that sense, a worthwhile one. What misery is possible when you connect your life to an insecure, delusional, immature man's!
Thanks to a friend's connection, C will meet with an attorney for a consultation next week. Thank God that no property, no children, no investments, and the fact that my sister didn't even change her last name will mean relatively smooth sailing. I suppose her soon-to-be-ex-husband could contest on the grounds that he wants to stay married, but would any judge even hear such an argument (had he the financial means to contest)?
I'll take legitimate legal advice on my sister's behalf from anyone who is/who knows a good attorney.
Thanks to a friend's connection, C will meet with an attorney for a consultation next week. Thank God that no property, no children, no investments, and the fact that my sister didn't even change her last name will mean relatively smooth sailing. I suppose her soon-to-be-ex-husband could contest on the grounds that he wants to stay married, but would any judge even hear such an argument (had he the financial means to contest)?
I'll take legitimate legal advice on my sister's behalf from anyone who is/who knows a good attorney.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Rain & Snow
woke up at 6 for my day of working at home. am listening to Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife, a "continuation" of the Austen classic. Diverting. because of the much-hyped weather i went to the grocery store last night--a big pot of 8 0'clock coffee brewing and a pot of quick oats on the stove--and i am warm and fortified.
have a hair appointment at midday. hope i don't slip and fall on my hind quarters en route. and then after that a brief jet up the block to see an apartment. i have a feeling...
have a hair appointment at midday. hope i don't slip and fall on my hind quarters en route. and then after that a brief jet up the block to see an apartment. i have a feeling...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Attack of the Killer Viruses!
So, some spambot left a comment on yesterday's post. Like a foolish amateur, I clicked on it and unleashed hell's wrath on my computer. I think I'm finally out of the woods. I had to download a 30-day free trial of Internet Security. Apparently, some months ago I decided that renewing my Norton Antivirus (which I find to be a little too aggressive as it blocks obviously reputable programs sometimes...annoying!) was a negotiable. That'll learn me.
Because of some other commitments I've made I can't just pay for a new contract right now. I guess I'll have to make that part of my 30-day plan. It's always something...
I really hope I get into this program for a number of reasons, but one of them is that it will justify me purchasing a new computer. this time I want a laptop. I've over the desktop sitch. Speaking of that program, I know it's way too early to even think of hearing but this in no way stops me from hoping against hope every day that I'll have a letter in the mailbox. Have a feeling Feb will move out before such news comes.
Because of some other commitments I've made I can't just pay for a new contract right now. I guess I'll have to make that part of my 30-day plan. It's always something...
I really hope I get into this program for a number of reasons, but one of them is that it will justify me purchasing a new computer. this time I want a laptop. I've over the desktop sitch. Speaking of that program, I know it's way too early to even think of hearing but this in no way stops me from hoping against hope every day that I'll have a letter in the mailbox. Have a feeling Feb will move out before such news comes.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
a little optimistic afterall
happy weekend's almost over, everyone! the last two days have been pretty typical: sculpt on Saturday morning, hanging out with Sarah afterward. We had a post V-day friends' dinner with V and Mel last night at Sarah's place. Shrimp scampi, arugala and cherry tomato salad dressed with Sarah's homemade lemon vinaigrette, (peccorino romano curls on top) and whipped cream with crushed meringues & raspberries for dessert.
after a leisurely morning and snacky breakfast (bread, cheese, coffee, half a salmon filet with pomegranate sauce, and hazelnut chocolate) I accompanied S to Williams-Sonoma where she finally redeemed a generous gift card she'd been given on some worthwhile purchases. I'm sure she'll describe them on her blog, so I won't say more... Before we parted ways she treated to lunch at Mari Luna (a brilliant Mexican spot in her neighborhood).
What am I looking forward to most right now? Seeing an apartment in my building featured on tonight's episode of The Wire.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
A Martini with Legs
is what i want right now. Indulging at today's pot luck earlier today makes me want to skip dinner tonight, but the more I think about doing this, the more I realize that I'm hungry...again. If I could make it through the evening without being distracted by the need to eat, I'd gladly forego the last meal of the day. I'm trying to read my book, but I keep thinking about carmelized red onions, portabellas, and tofu...
at least i didn't talk myself out of spin this morning.
at least i didn't talk myself out of spin this morning.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Self-distraction
I've been attempting to read Unnatural Death by Dorothy L. Sayers for two weeks now. It's quite good, very witty, and in keeping with my penchant for mysteries these days. The glitch has been that I distract myself with phone calls, list writing, and other organizational tasks that I would attribute to some sort of mania if I were prone to mania, in the clinical sense. I am not. So, I'm trying to practice the discipline of just sitting still and giving into the book.
I know. Blogging is another distraction. It's just that I've been so negligent of this space lately... See, that's it. I have about 4 good hours after I get home from work and I'm trying to squeeze my whole life into that space, so while I want to read, I also want to talk, get things figured out, formulate plots, get my gym bag ready for the next day. Speaking of which...
Anyway, I really want to finish this book and give it back to my coworker. It's hard to figure out why some things I actually want to do feel like such a struggle right now. This book. The gym. Losing these last 10 pounds. I think if I can just get over a certain hump, I'll have the momentum I need.
I Inherited a new project at work today (only a few minutes late b/c of the ice). I spent the day trying to wrap my mind around it, figure out what my questions are, and organize it. On other work-related fronts, tomorrow is the weekly conference call re: the project that is winding down. Not much in the way of status to report.
Tomorrow is also the office Valentine's Day potluck. That means I don't have to figure out what to take for lunch. It also means lunch will in no way be healthy. Seriously, I'm going to have to do a mini detox to kickstart myself.
Read online tonight that those "stave off the recession" checks should be mailed by Spring. Looking forward to using mine to pad savings and/or pay off a few debts--pretty much the opposite of what they are hoping people will do with that "found" money.
Also read an article on fiscal fitness in this month's O magazine that really buoyed my resolve to be frugal. A columnist for the Washington Post noted that many people who are in debt also have an overweening sense of entitlement to the tune of something like: I work hard; I deserved that [insert luxury item here]! Her answer was brilliant. Yes, you do work hard but you do not deserve [luxury item] if you are thousands of dollars in debt.
I know. Blogging is another distraction. It's just that I've been so negligent of this space lately... See, that's it. I have about 4 good hours after I get home from work and I'm trying to squeeze my whole life into that space, so while I want to read, I also want to talk, get things figured out, formulate plots, get my gym bag ready for the next day. Speaking of which...
Anyway, I really want to finish this book and give it back to my coworker. It's hard to figure out why some things I actually want to do feel like such a struggle right now. This book. The gym. Losing these last 10 pounds. I think if I can just get over a certain hump, I'll have the momentum I need.
I Inherited a new project at work today (only a few minutes late b/c of the ice). I spent the day trying to wrap my mind around it, figure out what my questions are, and organize it. On other work-related fronts, tomorrow is the weekly conference call re: the project that is winding down. Not much in the way of status to report.
Tomorrow is also the office Valentine's Day potluck. That means I don't have to figure out what to take for lunch. It also means lunch will in no way be healthy. Seriously, I'm going to have to do a mini detox to kickstart myself.
Read online tonight that those "stave off the recession" checks should be mailed by Spring. Looking forward to using mine to pad savings and/or pay off a few debts--pretty much the opposite of what they are hoping people will do with that "found" money.
Also read an article on fiscal fitness in this month's O magazine that really buoyed my resolve to be frugal. A columnist for the Washington Post noted that many people who are in debt also have an overweening sense of entitlement to the tune of something like: I work hard; I deserved that [insert luxury item here]! Her answer was brilliant. Yes, you do work hard but you do not deserve [luxury item] if you are thousands of dollars in debt.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Mid February = Ice
Without fail, on or around Valentine's Day, there is an ice incident. Today's was minor as these things go, but I still left the office about 40 minutes early so I could get home while it was still light out.
A pervasive work-related ennui has resulted from the conclusion of the project that has taken up all my time for the last 8 months. Cast adrift now, I am helping out on other projects, circling other planets--a lesser moon--a satellite, even.
I'm stalled. Waiting to hear from the University, waiting for the motivation I need to really lose these last 10 pounds, and figuring out how serious I am about looking for another apartment. Yes, that is back on the table these days. There are some amenities I'm not sure I can go without any longer. In addition to the fact that I want central air, I have to face the fact that my building is a Grande Dame that has fallen into disrepair. The management company that is responsible for its upkeep is shortsighted and favours the corner-cutting method.
My lease is month-to-month so I have considerable flexibility. If I make this move, I'd be looking to do it in July (around the middle of the month) or August.
A pervasive work-related ennui has resulted from the conclusion of the project that has taken up all my time for the last 8 months. Cast adrift now, I am helping out on other projects, circling other planets--a lesser moon--a satellite, even.
I'm stalled. Waiting to hear from the University, waiting for the motivation I need to really lose these last 10 pounds, and figuring out how serious I am about looking for another apartment. Yes, that is back on the table these days. There are some amenities I'm not sure I can go without any longer. In addition to the fact that I want central air, I have to face the fact that my building is a Grande Dame that has fallen into disrepair. The management company that is responsible for its upkeep is shortsighted and favours the corner-cutting method.
My lease is month-to-month so I have considerable flexibility. If I make this move, I'd be looking to do it in July (around the middle of the month) or August.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Mardi = Tuesday Gras = Fat
As a Protestant of a certain ilk I've never done the whole Lent thing. But I've taken a cue from my Catholic and more orthodox Protestant brethren.
Today coworkers brought in Scottish shortbread and "fake fasnachts." Fasnachts are a Pennsylvania thing, apparently. Fatty donuts to eat on Fat Tuesday to serve as a memory of excess during the 40 days of scarcity and sacrifice that are Lent (an observation of Christ's temptation in the desert).
This year the coworker of the Scottish short bread and I are giving up complaining about our project.
Anyway, I gorged myself on the biscuits, the donuts, all manner of dark chocolate, pot roast for dinner, and red wine, too.... oh, yes, and a few final project-related complaints.
I did not go to the gym this morning because I've been trying to give myself a break this week. I am going tomorrow as an outward expression of a return to discipline. Today I was el gordo, tomorrow, I'll be Not el gordo. Back to grapefruit, fat free yogurt, healthy water consumption and all that.
I'm no purist. Lent is still not "native" to my commemoration of the Christian calendar, so there's no rigid ban on chocolate, alcohol, or anything else in my household, but I do think there is some value to be had in contemplating real sacrifice. The spirit, not the letter.
Today coworkers brought in Scottish shortbread and "fake fasnachts." Fasnachts are a Pennsylvania thing, apparently. Fatty donuts to eat on Fat Tuesday to serve as a memory of excess during the 40 days of scarcity and sacrifice that are Lent (an observation of Christ's temptation in the desert).
This year the coworker of the Scottish short bread and I are giving up complaining about our project.
Anyway, I gorged myself on the biscuits, the donuts, all manner of dark chocolate, pot roast for dinner, and red wine, too.... oh, yes, and a few final project-related complaints.
I did not go to the gym this morning because I've been trying to give myself a break this week. I am going tomorrow as an outward expression of a return to discipline. Today I was el gordo, tomorrow, I'll be Not el gordo. Back to grapefruit, fat free yogurt, healthy water consumption and all that.
I'm no purist. Lent is still not "native" to my commemoration of the Christian calendar, so there's no rigid ban on chocolate, alcohol, or anything else in my household, but I do think there is some value to be had in contemplating real sacrifice. The spirit, not the letter.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
monthly dinners
my family (my sisters and my mother) and i have instituted a monthly dinner. i got the new tradition rolling this afternoon at my house. i made a pecan-encrusted chicken recipe that Sarah passed on to me (from Rachael Ray's Everyday Magazine), roasted butternut squash (w/craisins), and spinach with garlic & portabellas. It all went over very well. Dessert was a simple reduced-fat vanilla ice cream with biscotti & balsamic vinegar (or vanilla with raspberries in my mom's case). Crystal is pretty adventurous with food so she was willing to try the ice cream and vinegar, but exclaimed after her first taste "My ice cream tastes like collard greens!"
one note about errant pecans and the damage they can do. one went down the wrong way and while i did not choke, per se, i still have not fully recovered from the hellacious throat tickle it created. i "lost" my dinner. That made dessert even more guiltless. Not like I can feel too good--I had an indulgent lunch in Little Italy with Sarah after an early morning Target run.
Am delightfully sore from Saturday's sculpt class. Am less thrilled with the fact that I cannot seem to get my body past this one barrier on the scale. I'm going to try doing more lifting and shorter cardio bursts, just two or three times a week. Have been reading the 28 Laws of Attraction lately and one of the key principles is to not strive for things. It's been more and more organic for me to do less cardio lately, so I think I'm going to give into the flow of resistance training and see where that takes me.
It's also become more organic for me to skip the gym on Monday mornings. Not sure if tomorrow will be an exception or not.
one note about errant pecans and the damage they can do. one went down the wrong way and while i did not choke, per se, i still have not fully recovered from the hellacious throat tickle it created. i "lost" my dinner. That made dessert even more guiltless. Not like I can feel too good--I had an indulgent lunch in Little Italy with Sarah after an early morning Target run.
Am delightfully sore from Saturday's sculpt class. Am less thrilled with the fact that I cannot seem to get my body past this one barrier on the scale. I'm going to try doing more lifting and shorter cardio bursts, just two or three times a week. Have been reading the 28 Laws of Attraction lately and one of the key principles is to not strive for things. It's been more and more organic for me to do less cardio lately, so I think I'm going to give into the flow of resistance training and see where that takes me.
It's also become more organic for me to skip the gym on Monday mornings. Not sure if tomorrow will be an exception or not.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sunday Rituals
when i was a girl scout i used to, at the beginning of each weekly meeting, intone a set of pledges that comprised The Girl Scout Law. We promised to try to be honest, to be fair, and to use resources wisely (among other noble ideals). As with any number of rote edicts one recites over a number of years, it comes floating up to the surface on numerous occasions--seemingly out of left-field.i went grocery shopping yesterday and it presented something of a challenge because i still have some stuff from the last trip. tonight, i thought about that weekly promise as i went about my customary Sunday practice of planning my breakfasts and lunches for the next 5 days.
i cut up the two cucumbers i bought and bagged them so they'd be ready for salads; additionally, i washed, dryed, and cut up the rest of the red leaf lettuce so it could be put into plastic containers. i baked poultry sausage links so they can be transported to the office along with my boiled eggs. And i made it a point to use up the last bits of sauces, leftovers, and the decaf coffee so i can start the week fresh.
on other responsibility fronts, i am reading Finding the Next Starbucks: How to Identify and Invest in the Hot Stocks of Tomorrow. My next step on the path to fiscal fitness and financial independence is to purchase a healthy, affordable share of a company whose vision/product i can get behind.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Closing out the week
I left the office at about 10 mintues before noon. My salon appointment was at 12:30 and I needed to hit my bank (a few doors down from my stylist's place) to get quarters for laundry first, so I was pushing it (but I made it on time). In the spirit of "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail" I made myself two pb & j sandwiches last night for lunch. because they didn't need to be refrigerated or heated up, I could just leave them in my bag to eat while sitting under the dryer. Easy on the wallet, fairly easy on the waistline too.After a couple of hours my hair was relaxed and cut (see above), and I was ready to jet home to check work e-mail to make sure nothing catastrophic--or at the very least, inconvenient--happened while I was away. A few response e-mails later and I headed to the library to return most of the books and books-on-cd I'd checked out. I renewed two selections online this morning.
I skipped the gym this morning because I didn't want to have to deal with sweating but not being able to wash my hair (because of hair appointment), but I still woke up at 6, paid some bills online (including paying off one of my smaller credit cards, which I made it a goal to do within the first quarter of the new year), made a deposit to savings, and then headed in to work.
After coming home from the bibliotechque, I set about doing that laundry. Dinner was lightly breaded tilapia filets with cannellini beans & spinach with garlic and red onion on the side. I also tried out my new stove top espresso maker (Giada has one just like it!).
Starting to get sleepy and 5 am comes early, so I'm signing off for now. Tomorrow I resume my gym schedule, office stuff, and my place in the "Key Lime Murder" mystery. It's this campy series about a baker in a small town in Minnesota. Every installment features some new intrigue surrounding a particular dessert and some interloper's demise.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Looking ahead: Projection for 1/21 to 1/25
I completed the online FAFSA application this evening (I swear, receiving your W-2 opens up so many doors sometimes) before throwing together a quick dinner of whole wheat ravioli, topped with just a bit of balsamic, roasted butternut squash, kalamata olives, cherry tomatoes, and green beans. Hopefully, my prospective University will get this information just as they are beginning to make final decisions about my application and so can make early decisions about what money I can receive. I really hope the fact that I'm paying off loans from the last masters degree doesn't hurt my chances of getting all the funds I need.
My seldom-used crock pot is going to earn its keep tomorrow while I earn mine.
Short digression: Ever have those perfectly useful items around your house that, for whatever reason, you just haven't leveraged for your greater good? I do. Mine is this beautiful slow cooker that I've let sit, untouched, for about 3 winters now. No more!
Anyway, I've put together a turkey chili mixture of: ground turkey (of course), baby carrots, red onions, garlic, and crushed and diced tomatoes seasoned with chili powder, salt, pepper, Old Bay, a hint of rosemary, and balsamic vinegar. I'm using a mixture of cannellini and kidney beans as the foundation.
The plan? I've invited Catchka over to break bread with me tomorrow night (haven't yet heard whether she's free). Quite literally, after ladling up a hearty portion of the steaming melange into wide-mouthed bowls, I will crumble those [warmed] corn muffins from last week on top. I may even add a dash of fat-free cheddar.
Tomorrow, my forced 2-day hiatus from the gym comes to an end, and I get reacquainted with the elliptical. Looking forward to it! I hope to have a hair appointment on Thursday, and Friday we complete an annoying client-deliverable (perhaps beforehand, God willing).
Speaking of the client. Obviously, I cannot say much about work that's specific, but I will offer up the following: since their office observes MLK day, I know there won't be any e-mails from them tomorrow about anything!
Per tradition, Sarah's mother sent me the yearly planner she receives, gratis, from her company. I get so much mileage out of it. I've already noted all of my pay periods through May and have charted what bills are due when, when to move funds to savings, and the dates by which I want to have paid off certain credit cards. I've even planned the pay period out of which to pay the state the taxes I owe.
Finished reading Maynard & Jennica today while simultaneously watching "Mistress of Spices" with Sarah. Multitasking has its benefits. Of course, I had to ask Sarah how the movie ended. I mean, I kind of got it, but I was a little distracted...
My seldom-used crock pot is going to earn its keep tomorrow while I earn mine.
Short digression: Ever have those perfectly useful items around your house that, for whatever reason, you just haven't leveraged for your greater good? I do. Mine is this beautiful slow cooker that I've let sit, untouched, for about 3 winters now. No more!
Anyway, I've put together a turkey chili mixture of: ground turkey (of course), baby carrots, red onions, garlic, and crushed and diced tomatoes seasoned with chili powder, salt, pepper, Old Bay, a hint of rosemary, and balsamic vinegar. I'm using a mixture of cannellini and kidney beans as the foundation.
The plan? I've invited Catchka over to break bread with me tomorrow night (haven't yet heard whether she's free). Quite literally, after ladling up a hearty portion of the steaming melange into wide-mouthed bowls, I will crumble those [warmed] corn muffins from last week on top. I may even add a dash of fat-free cheddar.
Tomorrow, my forced 2-day hiatus from the gym comes to an end, and I get reacquainted with the elliptical. Looking forward to it! I hope to have a hair appointment on Thursday, and Friday we complete an annoying client-deliverable (perhaps beforehand, God willing).
Speaking of the client. Obviously, I cannot say much about work that's specific, but I will offer up the following: since their office observes MLK day, I know there won't be any e-mails from them tomorrow about anything!
Per tradition, Sarah's mother sent me the yearly planner she receives, gratis, from her company. I get so much mileage out of it. I've already noted all of my pay periods through May and have charted what bills are due when, when to move funds to savings, and the dates by which I want to have paid off certain credit cards. I've even planned the pay period out of which to pay the state the taxes I owe.
Finished reading Maynard & Jennica today while simultaneously watching "Mistress of Spices" with Sarah. Multitasking has its benefits. Of course, I had to ask Sarah how the movie ended. I mean, I kind of got it, but I was a little distracted...
Saturday, January 19, 2008
What I've done this week in the interest of fiscal fitness
In spite of an unfortunate 20-dollar loss at the beginning of the week (I lost my weekly MTA pass shortly after purchasing it and had to buy another), I am rounding out this 7-day period in an advantageous position. The "loyalty" bonuses came in yesterday, along with our W-2s, so not only will I be depositing a healthy sum into the old checking account (and immediately moving a nice portion of that into my interest-bearing savings account), but I did my taxes. Because I'm paying interest on my student loans, I am getting a small refund (as opposed to owing a small amount). The state, of course, I owe (cannot remember the last time Maryland didn't have its hand out for more of my money come tax time). I e-filed the federal; the state can wait for it! Bastards! Anyone know what I can do to get some tax breaks in the great state of Maryland?
My left quad is slightly strained, so I skipped sculpt and spin today. Have definitely lost the 2+ pounds I suspected I had, though, because I have been great about food choices for the last couple of weeks. I'm back in synch with my normal diet and gym schedule, so that's given me a lot of momentum. Just 6 more pounds until I reach my goal (anything else on top of that is gravy)!
Yesterday, I did a conservative lunch with two coworkers at the One World. I got a bowl of their hearty miso and steamed spinach on the side--water and jasmine green tea to drink. I got a nonfat chai to go, but found it to be too sweet for my taste, so dumped about half of it.
Even though I skipped the gym today, I still woke up at 7:20 so I could finish the e-file process, detangle my hair (and call for an appointment for this coming Thursday), deposit my bonus check, and make myself a scrambled egg & scallion sundried tomato wrap. I am meeting Sarah at about 11:30. We're seeing a matinee of "27 Dresses."
My left quad is slightly strained, so I skipped sculpt and spin today. Have definitely lost the 2+ pounds I suspected I had, though, because I have been great about food choices for the last couple of weeks. I'm back in synch with my normal diet and gym schedule, so that's given me a lot of momentum. Just 6 more pounds until I reach my goal (anything else on top of that is gravy)!
Yesterday, I did a conservative lunch with two coworkers at the One World. I got a bowl of their hearty miso and steamed spinach on the side--water and jasmine green tea to drink. I got a nonfat chai to go, but found it to be too sweet for my taste, so dumped about half of it.
Even though I skipped the gym today, I still woke up at 7:20 so I could finish the e-file process, detangle my hair (and call for an appointment for this coming Thursday), deposit my bonus check, and make myself a scrambled egg & scallion sundried tomato wrap. I am meeting Sarah at about 11:30. We're seeing a matinee of "27 Dresses."
Thursday, January 17, 2008
[Nearly] Fat-Free Cheesy Scallion Corn Muffins
2 boxes Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix
2 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1 tbs fat-free yogurt
(Sarah's tip for extra moisture)
3 chopped scallions (green part only)
shredded Fat-free cheddar
(as much as you like--and if you don't want to go fat-free, or want a different "vibe," any fat-laden shredded cheese will do)
(as much as you like--and if you don't want to go fat-free, or want a different "vibe," any fat-laden shredded cheese will do)
Old Bay (optional, add to batter to taste)
Mix batter according to instructions (this is really common sense--you probably don't even need to read the box). Add in yogurt--fully incorporating into batter. Fold in chopped scallions and cheese. Sprinkle Old Bay until you think it's enough--stir batter one last time so seasoning is well mixed. Bake at 400 degrees for about 17 minutes. After removing muffins from oven, while still hot, make two or three knife slits into tops and "butter" lightly with butter or butter substitute (I use Brummel & Brown, a yogurt-based substitute, for everyday "light" cooking).
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Things wait for the right time, I guess
I just got home from a meeting with Mr. Close Encounters, or, now that this blog is mostly private, Scott.
The details are these: On new year's eve/new year's day I was feeling magnanimous and overcome with goodwill toward humankind. I sent out an e-mail (a few, actually) to several people. And in a flash of something... spunk, spark, wonder, or audacity I made the choice to include Scott. My e-mail didn't require a response (though some people did, and that was nice), so I understood when I sent it that he might not reply. I think I was only able to include him in the distribution list because I didn't have my hopes pinned on getting anything back. che sera, sera.
A few days passed and he wrote a small note in response--a note that wished me well, said he hoped to see me sometime soon. My heart caught a little (because how can your heart not catch a little when a man you've kissed writes to you after several months? even if there is no more desire, your heart does some little acknowledgment lurch that says 'yes. i remember him.') and I tossed off a quick reply to his reply, but I left the "hope to see you soon" untouched because I thought it was probably just one of those things people say when they don't quite know how to properly close a sentiment.
I didn't think I had any intention of following up, again. Anyway, I realized that our (his and my) aborted attempt to meet for coffee last summer continued to gnaw at me. There was always such a sense of destiny about my meeting him that I couldn't take the categorically unsatisfying ending of,well, never seeing him again.
In a similar headspace to the one I was in on NYE, I tossed off a quick e-mail subjected "seeing me soon," and told him i'd like to finally have that coffee, catch him up on the latest. I sent the e-mail wanting a reply this time, but also knowing that I would be okay if I didn't get one. I've learned that sometimes people don't write back, and it's not personal, and they don't not want to write you back, but life interferes, or whatever. Anyway, again, I was only able to write to him because I knew I could and would be fine even if an overture went unreturned.
No one knew about any of this because I didn't want something that I did spontaneously, from a place of no grasping, to become huge with expectations (my own) or to be surrounded by weirdness. My friends know this guy is famous for rescheduling or canceling. Unless we actually met, I knew there wouldn't be a point. Also, I didn't want to turn this action into one more quest for validation. I'm a grown woman. I should be able to write a man if I want to without having a caucus about it.
I saw his reply this morning. The long and short of it is that we got together at the Starbucks in our neighborhood after work (I did stop home first to put on a more flattering outfit because if you think for one minute that I didn't want him to notice that I've lost 30 pounds, then you are wrong).
Black turtleneck, my best pair of jeans, and newsboy cap gave me the air of casual sophistication I needed to see him again--this person who neither rejected me nor truly wanted me. I was nervous, but not. I wondered if he'd tell me that he has a girlfriend (and for as much as I understood going in that this "reunion" would not be about us resuming our dating exercises, I did not want to get that piece of news), or if he would still be attracted to me, or even care (it's been a long time), or what.
And I both wanted him to no longer be attracted to me and for him to be desperately attracted to me because his attraction to me, 30 pounds ago, was a tremendous gift, and part of the point of my meeting him, I'm sure. I think it's why I had the courage to lose the weight I lost after he was gone, to improve my lifestyle, to just keep going. He noticed.
We had a good, solid conversation. I told him about applying to UBalt's writing program, asked him about his writing, what he's doing for work now that he's given up teaching (he works a zamboni at an ice rink and is living his own personal dream of writerly freedom). We ripped on Hawthorne (just not a fan), I learned that he tried his hand at classes at the University of Houston for a year (the program I thought about pursuing as a doctoral student)--all the dribs and drabs. He's as fluid as ever. Looking at him tonight, with perspective, from a metaphorical distance was both clarifying and puzzling. I know I was guarded. He knows I was guarded. And I hate that that prevented me from really entering the moment. I did not want to be swallowed whole. I knew that if I'd been like I was that first night, almost a year ago now, that it would have been better. But being that open only works if you can do it and not get lost in what openness makes you want. Being open makes me yearn. This was not a night for yearning.
I was sending the "we are not, under any circumstances, going back to my apartment" vibe, because I wanted to have an exchange with him that was just about the purity of the conversation, a moment that allowed me to walk away, dignified, not begging. Distant. Engaged, but not available. I don't know if it worked.
At not quite 8 (13 mintues till), I said I should get going. Because I felt that our conversation, our time was at the crucial joint where you have to decide to prolong it, do something else, go somewhere else, or simply let things become awkward.
There was a point at which we discussed watches (I had looked at mine to orient myself) and he mentioned some sum of money that he thought a good watch might cost and I said "you'd pay that much for a watch?" He said "yeah, I mean, for a good one, if that's what I wanted." and I said "Good for you. There's nothing wrong with having nice things." He and I both examined his bare wrist. He exposited. "I'm not willing to settle. If I can't have what I want, I won't have anything at all." And I thought, self-absorbedly, perhaps "which is why you didn't settle for me."
This was about having some power in a situation where I'd been powerless before. I was swept up in this person for two months and all of our meetings had been on his terms. I wanted something for myself. I wanted to be the first to scoot my chair away from the table and say I'd better be getting on home now.
It was also about proving to myself that he really existed. Because there have been days when I wasn't sure and he had seemed to vanish so entirely.
Because of my new leanness, I felt the leanness of him more keenly. He was taut and harnessed before, but I experienced him differently, briefly, in light of my body's changes. A quick kiss on the cheek and a "we should do this periodically" (from him) later, and I was back out in the cold.
He didn't pay for my coffee. He didn't walk me home. Both things I agreed I would avoid having him do, anyway, because I knew I couldn't maintain any ground if I conceded my independence on those points. But they didn't come up. It was like all the first dates I went on before him, where I went in knowing that the guy had no chance. I wasn't open to those people.
Maybe I didn't prove anything. I mean, if he retains no interest whatever, If he went home thinking "well, that was diverting. now on to something else. i think i'll read a bit before I go to sleep," then I'm going on about being strong, and level ground, and all this, and it's really just all blown out of proportion.
Did I get want I wanted? Yes and no. Did I see him again, now, because I can finally see him without it being too much? I think so.
The details are these: On new year's eve/new year's day I was feeling magnanimous and overcome with goodwill toward humankind. I sent out an e-mail (a few, actually) to several people. And in a flash of something... spunk, spark, wonder, or audacity I made the choice to include Scott. My e-mail didn't require a response (though some people did, and that was nice), so I understood when I sent it that he might not reply. I think I was only able to include him in the distribution list because I didn't have my hopes pinned on getting anything back. che sera, sera.
A few days passed and he wrote a small note in response--a note that wished me well, said he hoped to see me sometime soon. My heart caught a little (because how can your heart not catch a little when a man you've kissed writes to you after several months? even if there is no more desire, your heart does some little acknowledgment lurch that says 'yes. i remember him.') and I tossed off a quick reply to his reply, but I left the "hope to see you soon" untouched because I thought it was probably just one of those things people say when they don't quite know how to properly close a sentiment.
I didn't think I had any intention of following up, again. Anyway, I realized that our (his and my) aborted attempt to meet for coffee last summer continued to gnaw at me. There was always such a sense of destiny about my meeting him that I couldn't take the categorically unsatisfying ending of,well, never seeing him again.
In a similar headspace to the one I was in on NYE, I tossed off a quick e-mail subjected "seeing me soon," and told him i'd like to finally have that coffee, catch him up on the latest. I sent the e-mail wanting a reply this time, but also knowing that I would be okay if I didn't get one. I've learned that sometimes people don't write back, and it's not personal, and they don't not want to write you back, but life interferes, or whatever. Anyway, again, I was only able to write to him because I knew I could and would be fine even if an overture went unreturned.
No one knew about any of this because I didn't want something that I did spontaneously, from a place of no grasping, to become huge with expectations (my own) or to be surrounded by weirdness. My friends know this guy is famous for rescheduling or canceling. Unless we actually met, I knew there wouldn't be a point. Also, I didn't want to turn this action into one more quest for validation. I'm a grown woman. I should be able to write a man if I want to without having a caucus about it.
I saw his reply this morning. The long and short of it is that we got together at the Starbucks in our neighborhood after work (I did stop home first to put on a more flattering outfit because if you think for one minute that I didn't want him to notice that I've lost 30 pounds, then you are wrong).
Black turtleneck, my best pair of jeans, and newsboy cap gave me the air of casual sophistication I needed to see him again--this person who neither rejected me nor truly wanted me. I was nervous, but not. I wondered if he'd tell me that he has a girlfriend (and for as much as I understood going in that this "reunion" would not be about us resuming our dating exercises, I did not want to get that piece of news), or if he would still be attracted to me, or even care (it's been a long time), or what.
And I both wanted him to no longer be attracted to me and for him to be desperately attracted to me because his attraction to me, 30 pounds ago, was a tremendous gift, and part of the point of my meeting him, I'm sure. I think it's why I had the courage to lose the weight I lost after he was gone, to improve my lifestyle, to just keep going. He noticed.
We had a good, solid conversation. I told him about applying to UBalt's writing program, asked him about his writing, what he's doing for work now that he's given up teaching (he works a zamboni at an ice rink and is living his own personal dream of writerly freedom). We ripped on Hawthorne (just not a fan), I learned that he tried his hand at classes at the University of Houston for a year (the program I thought about pursuing as a doctoral student)--all the dribs and drabs. He's as fluid as ever. Looking at him tonight, with perspective, from a metaphorical distance was both clarifying and puzzling. I know I was guarded. He knows I was guarded. And I hate that that prevented me from really entering the moment. I did not want to be swallowed whole. I knew that if I'd been like I was that first night, almost a year ago now, that it would have been better. But being that open only works if you can do it and not get lost in what openness makes you want. Being open makes me yearn. This was not a night for yearning.
I was sending the "we are not, under any circumstances, going back to my apartment" vibe, because I wanted to have an exchange with him that was just about the purity of the conversation, a moment that allowed me to walk away, dignified, not begging. Distant. Engaged, but not available. I don't know if it worked.
At not quite 8 (13 mintues till), I said I should get going. Because I felt that our conversation, our time was at the crucial joint where you have to decide to prolong it, do something else, go somewhere else, or simply let things become awkward.
There was a point at which we discussed watches (I had looked at mine to orient myself) and he mentioned some sum of money that he thought a good watch might cost and I said "you'd pay that much for a watch?" He said "yeah, I mean, for a good one, if that's what I wanted." and I said "Good for you. There's nothing wrong with having nice things." He and I both examined his bare wrist. He exposited. "I'm not willing to settle. If I can't have what I want, I won't have anything at all." And I thought, self-absorbedly, perhaps "which is why you didn't settle for me."
This was about having some power in a situation where I'd been powerless before. I was swept up in this person for two months and all of our meetings had been on his terms. I wanted something for myself. I wanted to be the first to scoot my chair away from the table and say I'd better be getting on home now.
It was also about proving to myself that he really existed. Because there have been days when I wasn't sure and he had seemed to vanish so entirely.
Because of my new leanness, I felt the leanness of him more keenly. He was taut and harnessed before, but I experienced him differently, briefly, in light of my body's changes. A quick kiss on the cheek and a "we should do this periodically" (from him) later, and I was back out in the cold.
He didn't pay for my coffee. He didn't walk me home. Both things I agreed I would avoid having him do, anyway, because I knew I couldn't maintain any ground if I conceded my independence on those points. But they didn't come up. It was like all the first dates I went on before him, where I went in knowing that the guy had no chance. I wasn't open to those people.
Maybe I didn't prove anything. I mean, if he retains no interest whatever, If he went home thinking "well, that was diverting. now on to something else. i think i'll read a bit before I go to sleep," then I'm going on about being strong, and level ground, and all this, and it's really just all blown out of proportion.
Did I get want I wanted? Yes and no. Did I see him again, now, because I can finally see him without it being too much? I think so.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Progress
Today, on my brief lunchbreak, I opened up an interest-bearing Savings account. Furthermore, if I had to guess, I'd say that I lost about 2 pounds this week. In a similar vein, I was particularly satisfied by the mailing of checks and the completion on online bill pay transactions this month. My renewed commitment to financial integrity has created such positive energy around this process (instead of the usual dread and anxiety).
On other fronts, I've listened to two audio books and completed one book book in the last seven days. All while meeting all manner of deadlines at the j-o-b.
I am having E over for dinner on Sunday. Can't wait to finalize the menu--it's got me genuinely excited to cook. Maybe a shrimp and penne (whole wheat) casserole, creamed corn corn muffins, and Edy's Grand Light (1/3 the fat, 1/2 the calories) with berries for dessert? Or maybe some sort of gourmet soup, a fancy salad, and stuffed chicken breasts (w/sundried tomatoes, breadcrumbs, and cheese)? Just berries and other assorted fruits for dessert?
On other fronts, I've listened to two audio books and completed one book book in the last seven days. All while meeting all manner of deadlines at the j-o-b.
I am having E over for dinner on Sunday. Can't wait to finalize the menu--it's got me genuinely excited to cook. Maybe a shrimp and penne (whole wheat) casserole, creamed corn corn muffins, and Edy's Grand Light (1/3 the fat, 1/2 the calories) with berries for dessert? Or maybe some sort of gourmet soup, a fancy salad, and stuffed chicken breasts (w/sundried tomatoes, breadcrumbs, and cheese)? Just berries and other assorted fruits for dessert?
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Sculpt! Church! An extra hour of sleep three days a week!
I went to my first sculpt class on Saturday morning--it was beautifully brutal. Still sore. Can't wait for next week. Took spin right after--think this is the winning weekend combo. Now if only I could stop eating potato chips and cookies.
After the gym yesterday I stopped into the office to drop of the work I did from home on Friday. A quick trip home to shower later, and I set off for the library where I scored 6 audio books and 5 book books. Should make the month fly by.
Tomorrow we all leave the office at 3:45 to head to the offsite "party" during which my company's "new look" will be "launched." Know how we "celebrated" the holidays? With a "semi potluck" in the conference room.
I've made a number of decisions lately. Number one (this week)? I will be waking up at 6 (not 5!) on M,W, and F. Because of spin on T and TH, I'll still punch the alarm at 4:50, but I just realized "hey, ummm... my job starts at 9." It's just a little something I'm trying that says, in effect, "no more work for nothing." I'll leave it at that.
Church today for the second time in 3 weeks. For me, a record.
After the gym yesterday I stopped into the office to drop of the work I did from home on Friday. A quick trip home to shower later, and I set off for the library where I scored 6 audio books and 5 book books. Should make the month fly by.
Tomorrow we all leave the office at 3:45 to head to the offsite "party" during which my company's "new look" will be "launched." Know how we "celebrated" the holidays? With a "semi potluck" in the conference room.
I've made a number of decisions lately. Number one (this week)? I will be waking up at 6 (not 5!) on M,W, and F. Because of spin on T and TH, I'll still punch the alarm at 4:50, but I just realized "hey, ummm... my job starts at 9." It's just a little something I'm trying that says, in effect, "no more work for nothing." I'll leave it at that.
Church today for the second time in 3 weeks. For me, a record.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Cracks in the foundation
The smallish NYE fete at my place ended in tension. After the handful of guests I had took their leave, my brother-in-law had a sulk fest (because during the sharing of goals for '08, my sister didn't mention anyting related to him--what a child!).
I've written about my sister's marriage before. Her first major exchange of 2008 was with her husband in which he told her "I think you feel stuck," and her answering with "Yes. I do feel stuck." They just keep coming back to this weak spot in the foundation of their relationship. They should not have gotten married and I am a strong proponent of my sister initiating a permanent separation. I know marriage is supposed to be sacred, but sometimes people just make mistakes. I don't think your whole life should be ruined trying to prove the holiness of an institution--I firmly believe that they should divorce with dignity while there may be some dignity in the process. Beyond the immediate craziness of new year's eve, there is the cold hard truth. My sister and her husband have different expectations of how things should be. He doesn't actually like her personality when you get right down to it. Blah.
I know of one successful marriage that I would want to emulate--IF I thought marriage was for me. Devika and Monito are well-matched and actually delight in each other. I know I don't know all their business, and one can never truly observe who two people are in the privacy of their interactions, but you can certainly discern a lot from their public ones--and these two have "it."
There is a recurring theme in my interactions with my youngest sister. Our differences are becoming problematic. I am bothered by her passivity, her cowardice in relationships, and her propensity to let herself be taken advantage of. When I tell her that she has low self-worth, she tells me that she's simply different from me. The girl can't even let a man pay for her on a date! She's so blind to it and I'm tired of coddling her.
We got into it tonight when she called. She told me that she doesn't think I've made great choices in my relationships, either. That's rich coming from someone who always needs my help getting out of a jam. A few weeks ago she told me that I need to broaden my horizons. I would like to know where a 22-year old gets the gall to tell someone who's closer to 40 than not that she needs to broaden her horizons! Give me just a small break...
I wanted to ask her if my horizons were broad enough to help her revise her final paper or if she'd rather get the assistance of someone more worldly.
Anyway, I am astounded by all the bullshit that currently characterizes my family. I so need to step back.
I've written about my sister's marriage before. Her first major exchange of 2008 was with her husband in which he told her "I think you feel stuck," and her answering with "Yes. I do feel stuck." They just keep coming back to this weak spot in the foundation of their relationship. They should not have gotten married and I am a strong proponent of my sister initiating a permanent separation. I know marriage is supposed to be sacred, but sometimes people just make mistakes. I don't think your whole life should be ruined trying to prove the holiness of an institution--I firmly believe that they should divorce with dignity while there may be some dignity in the process. Beyond the immediate craziness of new year's eve, there is the cold hard truth. My sister and her husband have different expectations of how things should be. He doesn't actually like her personality when you get right down to it. Blah.
I know of one successful marriage that I would want to emulate--IF I thought marriage was for me. Devika and Monito are well-matched and actually delight in each other. I know I don't know all their business, and one can never truly observe who two people are in the privacy of their interactions, but you can certainly discern a lot from their public ones--and these two have "it."
There is a recurring theme in my interactions with my youngest sister. Our differences are becoming problematic. I am bothered by her passivity, her cowardice in relationships, and her propensity to let herself be taken advantage of. When I tell her that she has low self-worth, she tells me that she's simply different from me. The girl can't even let a man pay for her on a date! She's so blind to it and I'm tired of coddling her.
We got into it tonight when she called. She told me that she doesn't think I've made great choices in my relationships, either. That's rich coming from someone who always needs my help getting out of a jam. A few weeks ago she told me that I need to broaden my horizons. I would like to know where a 22-year old gets the gall to tell someone who's closer to 40 than not that she needs to broaden her horizons! Give me just a small break...
I wanted to ask her if my horizons were broad enough to help her revise her final paper or if she'd rather get the assistance of someone more worldly.
Anyway, I am astounded by all the bullshit that currently characterizes my family. I so need to step back.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
first of the year
if today is anything to go by, 2008 will be a year of tremendous industriousness. call me superstitious (or prone to cliches, more like), but I believe that the way you "bring in" the new year brings much to bear on how you will spend the year. So far: the gym for about an hour and a half workout, taking down and putting away the Christmas tree, tidying up from the small NYE fete, and laundry.
Now I need to finish up a letter to a friend and start reading David Bach's Smart Women Finish Rich. By mid-March I want to have lost this last ten pounds and to have completely paid off one of my credit cards.
In the spirit of "keeping it real," i have to admit to coming home from the gym and eating four cookies and the rest of the potato chips from last night. So there. 2008 will not be a year of asetisicm :).
Now I need to finish up a letter to a friend and start reading David Bach's Smart Women Finish Rich. By mid-March I want to have lost this last ten pounds and to have completely paid off one of my credit cards.
In the spirit of "keeping it real," i have to admit to coming home from the gym and eating four cookies and the rest of the potato chips from last night. So there. 2008 will not be a year of asetisicm :).
