Cracks in the foundation

The smallish NYE fete at my place ended in tension. After the handful of guests I had took their leave, my brother-in-law had a sulk fest (because during the sharing of goals for '08, my sister didn't mention anyting related to him--what a child!).

I've written about my sister's marriage before. Her first major exchange of 2008 was with her husband in which he told her "I think you feel stuck," and her answering with "Yes. I do feel stuck." They just keep coming back to this weak spot in the foundation of their relationship. They should not have gotten married and I am a strong proponent of my sister initiating a permanent separation. I know marriage is supposed to be sacred, but sometimes people just make mistakes. I don't think your whole life should be ruined trying to prove the holiness of an institution--I firmly believe that they should divorce with dignity while there may be some dignity in the process. Beyond the immediate craziness of new year's eve, there is the cold hard truth. My sister and her husband have different expectations of how things should be. He doesn't actually like her personality when you get right down to it. Blah.

I know of one successful marriage that I would want to emulate--IF I thought marriage was for me. Devika and Monito are well-matched and actually delight in each other. I know I don't know all their business, and one can never truly observe who two people are in the privacy of their interactions, but you can certainly discern a lot from their public ones--and these two have "it."

There is a recurring theme in my interactions with my youngest sister. Our differences are becoming problematic. I am bothered by her passivity, her cowardice in relationships, and her propensity to let herself be taken advantage of. When I tell her that she has low self-worth, she tells me that she's simply different from me. The girl can't even let a man pay for her on a date! She's so blind to it and I'm tired of coddling her.

We got into it tonight when she called. She told me that she doesn't think I've made great choices in my relationships, either. That's rich coming from someone who always needs my help getting out of a jam. A few weeks ago she told me that I need to broaden my horizons. I would like to know where a 22-year old gets the gall to tell someone who's closer to 40 than not that she needs to broaden her horizons! Give me just a small break...

I wanted to ask her if my horizons were broad enough to help her revise her final paper or if she'd rather get the assistance of someone more worldly.

Anyway, I am astounded by all the bullshit that currently characterizes my family. I so need to step back.