Damage Control

Whenever a celebrity has a personal crisis, I find that I have an intuitive take on how he or she should conduct him or herself during said crisis. I think I would make an excellent publicist. I'm of the "less is more" school of thought; what is needed after a round of bad press, harsh criticism, or a devastating divorce from a Golden Boy who cavorts with his new Avante Garde, but as-yet-unadmitted lovah is a low profile. You need to go "deep deep undercover," creating a shroud of intrigue around yourself, and therefore public curiousity. Do not underestimate public curiousity. It usually translates to a vibe of general well-being. But, it is not simply about hiding. If you become a recluse, then you could well be part of the celebrity ick factor, or the apathy factor, which is just as bad.

Nicole Kidman is the mistress of the selective appearances & low-profile tactic. She worked hard in the period shortly after her very public and much-speculated upon divorce, said almost nothing of her private life, and let her movies speak for themselves.

What Mariah Carey should have done after "Glitter" flopped and she was summarily dismissed from her record label is a) put on some more clothes, b) not commented on the debacle in public ever again, unless it was to say philosophically innocuous things, and c) made her next album a tasteful departure from the sexy ingenue (a part she's now too old to play) "thing," that featured songs that showed off her voice (say what you will about her, she can sing, even if one doesn't like the style) more than her cleavage.

In any case, I often think about what I would do if my life's miseries were covered with the same scrutiny that celebrities' lives are followed. Picture the Headline:

Poet's Friendship With The Artiste is Neo-Renaissance Tragedy!

or...

Painter to Wed! Krupnik to Shed...Pounds and Tears!

And then what if there was public, workplace and grocery store shopping gossip about the reasons behind my downfall, people secretly or not so secretly thrilled that I failed?

In any case, I live my life, as much as possible, trying to avoid being embarrassed, which is why I give this kind of thing so much thought. Eventually, if you don't stoke a fire, it will die out...and you'll be a bit singed, but not destroyed. Heck. Even your enemies will have to give you props for "not going out like that."