Being Open

As I've mentioned on this site in recent, previous entries, and as I've said to several friends, I am at a point in my life where I desire legitimate friendships with men, but am in the process of putting my negative romantic pathologies behind me, and so am not currently interested in a "relationship."

Last week a guy from one of my classes indicated that he'd like to hang out some time. I expressed an openness to that possibility, not totally sure where he was coming from (I had wondered before, in passing, if this guy was interested in me based purely on intuition), but figured I should be delighted to socialize with new people, guys especially, regardless.

He called yesterday. We made plans to go out today. I told him I was low on cash, so we'd be somewhat limited, or I suggested that we could wait until my cashflow is fluid again, but to quote him, he has "gobs of cash," and wanted to keep our plans. I told him that I'd get the tab the next time we hang out, and he said "whatever" in a way that conveyed he didn't care whether I ever picked up the tab or not.

I learned a lot about this kid (he's 23!). For example, he's an amateur ballroom dancer, a modern dancer, into ballet and the opera. He thought I was 25, God bless him. After that I was somewhat chagrined to reveal my actual age, not because I am age-conscious usually, but more because he guessed so low that it seemed a shame to have to correct him. And it amazed me that I could still pass for 25 in anyone's estimation.

It was fun to peruse the ecclectic collection of cds he had in the car, and to just learn the smattering of facts that make up his life. We had a lot in common, like the pattern of eating lunch at the insanely early (by most people's estimation) hour of 11 a.m., but at the end of it...I wasn't really attracted to him.

I didn't think I was before, but I didn't want to say no to hanging out, especially if that's all he thought of it. For a number of innocuous reasons, I think he might be interested in more than that. I won't go into it since it's all circumstantial, but the point is, I did something out of the ordinary. And I didn't poo-poo the concept on a technicality. That's progress.