M is for the Many things she gave me...

I left work on Friday evening and from there went directly to the train station to get the 5:25 to DC. I went to spend the entire weekend with my mother, and truthfully, I was more looking forward to it than not. I felt hopeful that we could get through the weekend with little manipulation or childishness on either side. We've been talking on the phone a lot lately and bonding over our mutual fitness efforts. Things have been nice. Good even.

I was about 15 minutes later than I told her I'd be. Once I got to Union Station, I missed the first possible subway train going in the direction of her house, and during peak hours, especially if you have to transfer at any point, missing one train can easily add about 10 to 15 minutes to your ETA.

As was the case back in the old days when I rode the commuter train from Baltimore to DC and back again every day, I was lulled to sleep within minutes. A very literary sleep in which the sentence "the body has a memory," kept repeating, like a mantra, in my head. Interspersed between this refrain were lines from Elizabeth Bishop's poem "One Art" in which she discusses grief with detached irony and encourages people to embrace loss...that it's no disaster...and I kept thinking of the line "practice losing farther, losing faster..." and then from nowhere "the body has a memory," would crop up like the beat you count by in a song.

My sleep was train-feverish. I missed Gordon, I realized. All this had to do with being back in the context in which I spent much time thinking about him. Like coffee, the train is a symbol of our association, and specifically of my longing. I dreamt in phrases. "I've lost him so entirely," I thought at one point.

This train of thought was palpable and mutual. I discovered, hours later, before I went to bed on Friday night, that he'd sent me an e-mail. I've yet to reply. At first I was certain that I would, now I'm not so sure.

Mom and I were both hungry, so after hugs we headed to The Golden Corral. Let me just say right here and now that my mother's idea of heaven is the buffet-style restaurant. I have always preferred sitting down and being served one plate of specifically chosen food to the "pigs at the trough" model of eating, so how much more now that I am being health conscious?

I didn't do too badly, but it's difficult to mind one's Ps and Qs at a place where the vegetables are boiled within an inch of their lives, and as a result are tasteless, and where everything else is fat laden.

Friday night and Saturday morning were pleasantly uneventful and included another meal out, this time at a steakhouse (my suggestion). I had a very crisp wedge salad, which is by no means conservative (mom and I shared it); a steamed vegetable medley which was delicious. It tasted as though the verdant zucchini, the lemon yellow squash, and the bright orange carrots had been tossed in just a bit of honey; sirloin tips (of which I ate very few because the veggies were filling); and smashed potatoes, all of which I gave to my mother, save for one forkful that I ate just to taste the magic.

Then came the unfortunate event. I attended a bookclub meeting with my mom that in retrospect I should not have gone to. I knew the topic was going revolve around the life of Christ, and I know that I have a lot of trouble being neutral about it. I don't think Jesus is up for debate. People can and do feel their own way about him, but I think what he said about himself trumps all of that as objective fact. Anyway, Let's just say that while my point may have been valid, I didn't handle the way I discussed my point super-well. I ended up leaving in a huff and waiting outside for my mom and Jim to finish up with the group so we could go grocery shopping.

I picked up some puffed millet and found fat-free soy-milk (so that's breakfast this morning)in addition to tuna, a couple of soups, honey, whole wheat bread...things like that.

Running around with my mom and her compadre, I was completely out of control of the schedule. Fortunately, I was full enough from lunch that I didn't feel that I was about to die of hunger (and I picked up a Naked Food-Juice from whole foods for a snack) or anything, but I didn't eat any dinner until 10:30 Saturday night! Technically too late to be taking in new food, but just as bad to skip a meal, too, so I cut up one of the zucchini I'd purchased, sauteed it in canola cooking spray, then later added my leftover sirloin tips. Delicious, but pretty heavy, especially for that time of night.

See, after the disastrous book club and the shopping, my mother had to "see a woman about some jewelry." Naturally, because my mother is an extremely social creature, every errand turns into a visit. I was unnerved the entire time we were at this woman's house, because her parakeet flies around freely, and frankly, though I know many people allow their birds to do this, I cannot relax with a bird flying above my head in an enclosed space!

Sunday morning. Didn't know how I would feel about my mom's church which seems a little hoakey to me, but I actually enjoyed myself, and found their Christianity/Meditation fusion to be interesting. Jim's mother attended the service with us...then off to another buffet. This one was decidedly upscale and held in the dining area of a fairly nice hotel. But the pressure to eat more than one plate of food is intense, otherwise, you are totally missing out on the value of the buffet concept!

I got salmon and asparagus tips (in a decadent cream sauce) along with chessie potatoes. Later, I got a spring medley of veggies, mushroom ravioli, and something else, which I forget. For dessert, 3/4 of a slice of spice cake, and cup of coffee with cream, but no sugar. I calculated that meal at roughly 800 calories. Fortuitous, since it was lunch, and if one is going to "celebrate," it should be earlier on in the day. For breakfast I'd had cereal with soy milk (all my mom uses now)so, I still had a good amount of calorie inventory left over for dinner.

The day was just beginning. Once in St. Mary's county, we picked up my sister then drove to one of my mother's favourite haunts in Calvert county for dinner. This sad, decrepit little tikki lounge where the food is only fair, but that sits on the water. I did broiled seafood and had a sub par pina colada. I've decided that I loathe eating out! I am so sick of having to eat something I'm either not interested in, where no nuturional information is available, or something that just isn't healthy.

I got home at about midnight, because of course, we had to unload some of my sister's stuff back to my mom's house before I could go home. It was just a long, long day. The weekend was more pleasant than not, but I lost two days of having reasonable control over my eating plan and schedule, two days of working on my final paper for class, and two days of working out.

It was hard not to feel that it was worth it when my mother cried when I told her what I got for her...It hasn't yet arrived, but it's what she wanted.