Among the many things Victoria and I discussed yesterday, one of them was my ambivalence about the Graduate Christian Fellowship. She gave me the simplest, most beautiful solution. Go when you feel like it/when you can, and when you don't want to, or can't, don't worry about it. Through her advice, it became clear to me that I don't have to be so all or nothing about this group. I approach most things with the idea that I am part of them, or not, doing them or not, saying yes or no... and in many cases, it is good to have your mind made up, but it can be very limiting to have such a rigid concept of one's place in every scenario.

I did not attend GCF last week, and won't this week, either. I have Sarah's actual birthday coming up, and a family wedding, all in the space of one weekend (thankfully a long weekend)and by mid-week, I'll need to have some tasks accomplished. I think I'll approach this social construct from the perspective that it's useful to me only in as much as it meshes with my life, and not try to create it as a formal structure in my weekly routine.

C-lister actress Daphne Zuniga wrote a feature for the most recent O magazine about how she always camoflouged herself to fit in with whatever man she happened to be seeing at various and sundry points in her life. The rush to commit, to be a "we" and an "us" right away, etc. I do that with organizations and ideas. I always want to step up to the plate, and I experience guilt at the slightest indication of waffling or hesitance in myself.

It's time to just let things be what they are, when they are, if that works for me. What a concept.