My family has been gone for an hour. I am left with thoughtful presents, including candles, candleholders, a pair of flattering personality glasses (coveted), bath beads, a bracelet with earthtone stones (from Crystal's boyfriend), a fridge full of my mother's lavish, generous culinary delights, a few bottles of liquor, two bottles of wine, a new set of tools (majorly desired!), and a recovered item from my childhood. Utterly forgotten before today.

When I was about five my mother bought me a handpainted diningroom set in miniature. It is black with yellow and red accents painted on the top and around the backs of the chairs and on the seats. Tiny. I remember that it delighted me as soon as I saw it the first time. I was staying with my grandmother a lot on weekends at this time in my life, and when my mother brought it to me, I remember my grandmother immediately taking it away from me. She said she didn't want me to break it or harm it. So it sat high up on a shelf of hers for years. I remember looking at it all the time, wanting it, but feeling that I was powerless to own it.

Eventually, I stopped thinking of it at all.

The first thing my mother handed me when she arrived today was this miniature set. It took about two seconds for me to really understand what I was looking at. Then, I just felt happy that at 30 I should have something that was taken away from me 25 years prior. My mother told me that she had tried to give it back to me when I was a teenager, but I said I didn't want it. I scorned it apparently. Funny, I can't think why I would have had such a harsh reaction. It would never occur to me to forfeit my rights to it now. As a matter of fact, today, when I thought of how it was taken from me, I felt violated and angry at my grandmother, who has been dead for nearly four years. But, I refused to let myself miss the point.

Something I lost came back to me today. Something I once despised out of pride when I was first given the opportunity to possess it again is now with me. I felt like a little girl again, free to take pleasure in my mother's gift and her presence.

I'll talk about this more later, but I will say for the time being that I felt the potential for a lot of healing in my relationship with my mother today. I had the best Christmas I've had in years--since I was very small.