On Tuesday I will be moving into the cubicle my boss initially told me he had earmarked for me, but then later changed his mind about when he thought that logistics wouldn't allow him to keep his word. There was a significant amount of back and forth about this over the course of the last week, and even though it wasn't set in stone when I got to work on Friday morning, I went ahead and bought myself a sunflower plant from WholeFoods for the new space, in faith.

One of the flowers in the pot is in full bloom, but there are many blossoms waiting to open up. I'll place it near the window, and the let the sun coax them to life.

I went to the salon for another haircut today--my hair had grown out a lot since my initial cut on May 31st--and I needed my stylist to recreate the art that she produced during our first session. My locks really were looking awkward and "in between gigs," again. It was messing with my self-concept. Connie (my stylist) asked me if I was ever going to let my hair get long again. I told her that I was sure I would someday, but that for right now, this cut was organic to me, my face, the "place" in which I currently find myself. She understood that.

Sarah and I just finished watching "Mostly Martha." I like films with subtitles. This was no exception.

In other news, I have been exploring some fundamental questions. I have allowed myself to wonder whether or not I really am in love with Gordon, or if my persistent "feelings" for him are more stubbornness than anything else. I have been pondering whether I am continuing doggedly in my devotion to him out of a desire to be "right" or to "win."

"What," I asked myself, "distinguishes him from any other man I've been wrong about?" "Do I really care about him for his own sake?" "Is his well-being, outside of the thought of getting to be with him, important to me?" "Do I want what is best for him?" "Do I want him to be happy regardless of whether or not his heart ever opens up to me?"

I'm getting there, I hope. I hope I am starting to learn that kind of selflessness, finally.