What last night taught me

I am incapable of being in a relationship at this juncture. I actually spent some time in prayer yesterday afternoon—specifically, I asked that whatever is preventing me from being ready to relate to Gordon more deeply be removed.

My fairly standard evening with him and Sarah led to an existential crisis.

To rehash what happened would be too exhausting, mostly because if you are not me, you probably wouldn’t understand what the big deal is, and if I did provide these details, I would have to give inordinate amounts of background information to give said details a context.

I’m not saying I don’t have legitimate wounds that were revealed during the course of the evening, but I am saying that the wounds wouldn’t be healed by having him more fully in my life. They are part of the reason he can’t be.