I asked him Wednesday, over e-mail, if he wanted to grab some coffee on Friday night. By Friday evening when I left work he still had not responded, so I assumed he wouldn't--whether he was out of town unbeknownst to me (has happened several times) or was simply too depressed to be social--I accepted it, figuring the object lesson for me was to feel free to make the suggestion, because there is an appropriate context there now to ask something like that, however small it is.

If you read my post from yesterday, you will see why asking is sometimes tricky for me. I have the most trouble with it when the stakes are the highest. So, in addition to my professional life, I took a small step in the direction of confidence in my private one.

I was wearing my pajama pants and washing dishes when he called at 7:30 to ask if I wanted to go, instead, to a 10:30 showing of a film at the Senator theatre. Previously, I had been categorically disinterested in seeing this movie, not being a fan of Sci-Fi-- and I felt that it was too popular. Something about the thought of going to see it made me feel like a sheep. But over the course of the last couple of weeks I really found myself opening up to the idea. By the time he called yesterday I had made an internal decision that I would go if the opportunity presented itself.

I didn't know he would be the opportunity. I had never gone to see a film with him before--alone, or in a group--so it was thrilling to find myself in a new context with him, all other things aside. The film was engaging--beautiful to watch--and I loved the dialogue in it, actually. I appreciated the contrast of the intense visuals with the simplicity and tenderness of the exchanges between Keanu Reeves's "Neo" and Carrie Ann Moss's "Trinity."

From time to time Gordon's and my arms would touch (shared armrest) and I felt the usual warmth, the comforting sparks of being attracted to him, but having that attraction largely under quarantine, lest it poison the waters of our friendship. We were not on a date. I know that if only because I assumed I should pay for my own ticket, and he let me. There have been times in the past when I've been on an outing with just him, and it seemed to hold the metaphysical properties of something beyond "hanging out," and while this did not feel like hanging out, or just two people at a movie, I also don't want to endow it, in retrospect, with romantic overtones it didn't have.

Here's what I liked... we were both wearing a sweater over top of our shirts with non denim pants. Neither of us was dressed up, per se, but the end result is that it looked like an effort had been made.

I loved that it was a rainy night with patches of fog.

I loved that we saw the film at an historical (in Baltimore city) theatre.

I loved that he asked me to go.