"I Got This Killer Up Inside Of Me; I Can't Talk To My Mother So I Talk To My Diary..."

A significant number of the people on my team at work are on off-site assignments today. I like the people with whom I interact here at the office, but something about the absence of the norm (i.e., them being here) is a relief. My boss is in all-day meetings today and tomorrow. As much as I like her, and for as peaceful as things have been for the last few weeks, I am relieved by her inaccessibility now, too.

On Tuesday we are all going out for lunch. There are no team birthdays in February so we planned to have a time to "get together." There you have it. Lunch at Nick's Chop House.

Honestly, though, I feel like dead weight. I am by far the weakest link among us. My time is oddly split between home base and off-site assignments; I'm the least in command, editorially speaking, and my heart has not been here for about a year and counting. I've been looking for another job since before my last annual review. If you had asked me if I would be here for another peformance appraisal, I would have thought that to be as likely as the least likely thing you can imagine. Is it even possible for me to get a good review in light of the fact that the workload has been so uneven that I've not been able to contribute anything of importance this year?

In other news, the East coast is expecting snow. again. It's supposed to start tonight. I am sure my doctor will cancel my appointment in anticipation of the wintry blast since she and her husband live significantly outside the city. I gave a lot of thought to my "homework" from last week, and feel that I have isolated a few of the key driving forces behind my anger.

I think I've decided I need to move back to be closer to my job. Moving an hour away, as it turns out, was not very wise.