Rain & Fog

I saw three apartments yesterday. They each had something charming, advantageous, and desirable about them. Each unit I saw is a bit more expensive than I should really commit to, and the security deposit is 1.5 months' rent. And they are all available now. I'm not in a position to proceed with anything until the end of March at the absolute earliest, but the middle of April would really be the most comfortable, financially.

But the thing is this: I so want one of the apartments I saw, in particular. I can see my stuff in it. I can visualize having people over to it. I can imagine the life I want unfolding in that space. And I feel defeated because I probably can't have that place. I keep trying to think of a way to justify it, and I'm coming up short.

It is my hope to use movers this time around, but I might have to forfeit that convenience as well. I had forgotten that many places require a security deposit that is at least one month's rent. I have been fortunate so many times to have been able to pay remarkably less due to specials or promotions, so I just wasn't considering that element of the process. Money I had earmarked to have perfect, professional strangers convey my things to a new locale may have to go to a leasing/realty company instead.

Sarah and I rode all through Charles Village last night writing down telephone numbers off of "for rent" signs, then came back to her place and looked up Web sites and numbers of other places in my part of town. After a somewhat defeated afternoon (or so it felt), I called a couple of buildings/listings, to no real avail (I got put on one person's list to be called "should anything change"). The next month or so will be all about calling around, pounding the pavement, and hawking Craigslist and the City Paper. Somewhere there is a place for me to live that will meet my needs and not bankrupt me. I just need to realize that I might not be able to have everything I want, but I can get close, perhaps.