"Don't be Afraid to Open Your Heart."

Every night before bedtime, my sister and I each take turns telling the other "something good." It's a little bedtime ritual that basically amounts to telling each other something encouraging that is relevant to what the other of us is currently worried about, experiencing, etc.

Among the things my sister shared with me last night, she also said to me "don't be afraid to open your heart." I lay there in the quiet dark of our shared bedroom and briefly pondered that statement before drifting off to sleep.

In the light of day, as the afternoon has worn on, I've given her words of encouragement/ warning some more thought. I'm actually not ready to open my heart at all. I posted about a week ago to an entirely different end. I said that I was ready for something more, explicitly.

I think the fact that I was under such a misguided impression has more to do with my proclivity toward complacency than anything else. There is a deeply rooted tendency in me to be barely healed from a bad scrape, and then to ante up again for equally devastating punishment...

Or, to refuse to hold my peace for the mere sake of enduring until the end. I just decide, half-way, that it's good enough. That I can stop now, because I've proven my point. The trap door principle.

I am terrified of that happening with my weightloss, and I am terrified that just as I'm beginning to be a better woman, that I will forfeit the game, because I'm scared of holding out.

I have no business even thinking about a relationship right now, or for the foreseeable future. I have to keep my motivation to change fresh and present. Right at the surface. And I have to be tough on myself, or I will self-distract, and end up in the same boat I was in before. the S.S. Sinking Ship.