Day 2, 2005

I got my first taste of what it would be like to have a pet in the apartment this weekend--both the last of 2004 and the first of 2005--and I don't know if I'm ready for the commitment of a dog, or any animal for that matter. I'm praying through the possibility of taking temporary to permanent custody of Babygirl if it comes to that, but don't know how feasible that would be given my work schedule, and her ill temperament toward strangers. She's a beautiful dog, and nicely behaved provided it's one of us (my sisters or my mom). In any case, this is not something I have to worry about now.

Welcoming 2005 with my sister (and the dog) was enjoyable and comforting. We made cookies, drank cocktails, watched movies, and talked. On New Year's Day proper I got the opportunity to hang out with Victoria, which was, as always, good for my soul.

It is always a bit hard right after Caryl and I part company; the place seems so much more empty for having been full. Now it's just me again and I have to ease into this new year like a pair of jeans not yet broken in. It's nice and crisp, but not mine yet. It hasn't molded to the shape of the life I know.

Tomorrow morning I will go to work, doing it all again, hoping to make the best effort I can, hoping to find much to love in the next 12 months of unfolding days and nights, hoping to hear his voice again, hoping to write at least one amazing poem, hoping to start my life...for real this time.