And Never the Twain Shall Meet?

It was unavoidable. I went into rabid partisan archetype mode when my mother and I were on the phone tonight. She did not call me to be contentious. She was looking forward to shooting the breeze... catching up... that sort of thing. I actually introduced the subject of the election this time, because when you're talking with family, it's safe for the talk to get vicious from time to time, because in the end you know no one's disowning anyone else. Blood is thicker than political affiliation--even if it makes you the black sheep republican in a family of die-hard, civil rights-era african american democrats.

I was a democrat for years.

I voted for Clinton in both of his election years. I voted for democrats on some levels of government yesterday (I think they are the most useful at the municipal level), but I officially changed my party affiliation in 2002.

I still hang on to the concept of myself as a moderate, but the issues that mean the most to me belong less and less to the sphere of the democratic party. It has been a natural evolution. I suspected that I was a republican, really, as early as age15, but my parents told me that was ridiculous. I am black, they pointed out, therefore, that was not really possible. I believe I got a tongue lashing and icy stares for the better part of a day... this was yet another way their daughter was "forgetting" who she was. Well, at that point, it was just a notion. In every way that mattered at that time, my sensibilities were more on the liberal end of the spectrum. I see in hindsight's perfect 20/20 mirror that what I was then was moderate.

Just two years before my 30th birthday, I came into my own as a true conservative.

In the wake of the election results the polarization of the country is obvious. Now there is the predictable rhetoric about working together... but isn't that just a bit ludicrous? Convictions won't really allow for tolerance in most areas, not as anything more than a nice idea, any way.
I see this in both subtle and glaring ways.

Something I've noticed is that most people (who don't know me) talk to me assuming that I am a democrat. I am young, black, female, I frequent academic and cultural events. I have some bohemian types as friends. There is the accepted idea that I am at least somewhat intelligent. And when people take these things together, they feel safe saying to me "Can you believe what that moron of a president has done to this country?"

I wonder if I should "out" myself as a republican in moments like that, or let them go on and on. I find that usually the people who make this assumption don't really want me to say anything anyway. They just want to voice an opinion. And because I know who I am and why I've made the choices I've made, I don't feel that my security or sense of identity is riding on correcting the misconception--all the time. I really try to pick my partisan battles. There is a time and a place for everything.

Can either party, if they are being true to their ideals, compromise on the big ticket issues?

Lincoln is credited with saying "unity cannot be created, it can only be kept." He launched a war that bore the appearance of divisiveness, and it did rip this country's heart out. He knew he had to demolish an old ideal, because in order for things to one day be right, we had to start all over again. He couldn't make nice with the south. He couldn't "work together" with them, being "unified" under false pretenses.

And what I'm getting at here is that sometimes a bridge cannot be built. The wounds are so deep, and if you're not going to punk and pimp yourself, you have to just stand right where you are....

I know there are wounds any time a man cannot win an election, twice, and not have it be suggested that something is "amiss." Even the way the pundits and news anchors frame their discussion of the outcome is telling. Phrases like "What did Kerry do wrong?" and "What happened?" demonstrate bias. It is unthinkable to many that these results could really be a reflection of what American citizens really wanted to happen.

Somehow I suspect that if things had gone the other way, no one would even think to ask if the election was stolen, to wonder if it needed to be investigated. Even television shows on the WB are blatantly endorsing the democratic party. And the message is that unless there is something wrong with you, you will too. I have heard it stated through the mouths of at least two different characters on these fringe networks that "they stole [steal] the election [elections]."

This too, is divisive, but you get the sneaking feeling that it is acceptable. This is not considered bad form or inappropriate by sponsors or the writers of these programs.

The decision seems to have been made that war is the ultimate evil. And yet the very right that you and I have to be as partisan as we want to be was won on a number of blood deep battlegrounds. The very right to put political smears in a fictional character's mouth is possible because of war.

The chasms between us in this country represent a new kind of civil war, and while a house that is divided against itself cannot stand, I don't know how either side can give in and not be crushed in the process.

Within me there has lived both a democrat and a republican, and I could not bring them together. One of them had to win.