Catching up with Victoria was something I was both looking forward to and dreading. I was looking forward to it for obvious reasons—she’s one of my dearest friends. My dread was all due to that which I have come to think of as “the situation” with her other really good friend…you know his name… She and I had not debriefed about that scenario at all, and in truth, because hang time is scarce for everyone, I didn’t even know if she knew from him that he is with someone now. I didn’t want to have to be the one to tell her. As it turns out, she did know, and wasn’t sure if I knew…and thought I should know if I didn’t, but didn’t want to bring it up in an e-mail…

Eventually, we did get around to it, and I tried to be as deadpan as I could. For the first time ever (since “the situation” began) I told V that I have completely given up any expectation of a happy ending regarding him. She registered that to be about as shocking as the news that I had given up coffee. In a way, they are the same.

Once the topic had been broached, though, I was relieved. Victoria was the last person I absolutely needed to tell, and the last person I wanted to tell because I know she loves me and g both so much, and she’s been in on my side of this from day one…and she gave me the gift of her support, even her hope that someday he would choose me. I will always love that she wanted him for me, because I know she knows us both so well… It made me feel that I wasn’t totally off base. It’s moot now, but it still means everything to me that this should have been her heart on the matter.

We conversed so intensely that our waitress left us a note on the bill saying that she hoped that someday she and her close girlfriend could be just like us. We were obviously happy to see each other.

We talked a lot about weight loss strategies and the emotions connected with that…
As a happily married lady, she shared with me that sometimes she wishes that she was still single, only because of all the control that one must relinquish in order to be married. She’s finally at the place in her life, she said, that she knows that if she is ever single again she could be happy that way for the rest of her life. She wished it hadn’t taken getting married to know that, because then she wouldn’t have been so miserable for so long before she met her husband.

As for me, at the moment, I can honestly say that I am not interested in a relationship. I have so much healing to do. So much changing to do—and I really don’t want anyone interfering with all that.