Things began well enough

I felt noticeably better this morning; the tight, vague soreness in my throat, which is usually bad when I first open my eyes, was practically non-existent. I felt well-rested, even after only 5 and a half straight hours of sleep. I took a long nap when I got in from work yesterday, so when my night got going at about 8:30, I stayed up till about 2 a.m. decorating the small tree in my bedroom, sorting laudry, and hanging up clothes that had been living in the chair beside my bed for the last several days.

A few groceries were delivered this morning by the time I finished my laundry, and I was all set to start revising every poem I submitted to poetry workshop this semester. The day was a clear success by noon. My youngest sister called at about one, chatting animatedly about how well her solo went at the concert her a cappella group gave last night, the flirting action with the guy she's crushing on, and some other anecdotes. With my cell phone in the crook of my neck and shoulder, I weaved in and out of rooms in my apartment listening to her tell this tale. I happened to come into the kitchen just in time to see a mouse disappear into the opening of one of the burners of my stove. Naturally I screamed, then called emergency maintenance.

I hid out in my bedroom for about two hours before I decided to reclaim the greater living space and the kitchen, but I remained disgusted. I called emergency maintenance a second time to no avail. I guess they don't bother with rodents inside stoves. I guess they don't care that there is clearly a disease carrying vermin in my kitchen that got in through some opening in their walls.

I may well be over this vintage thing.

The good news? I did manage to make significant changes to every poem for my portfolio, but in some cases, I feel that I made changes that pander to someone else's take on poetry. I'm something of an aberrant poet in that I don't usually revise. Well, I revise as I go--minimally. I don't normally have 15 drafts of something. I am too easily bored for all that. In any case, I do think many of the pieces are better for the work I did today, and I didn't compromise on anything I truly felt passionate about. Mostly I cut things out... so that's done, then.

Otherwise, I had an attack of missing Gordon, and wanted to e-mail him to tell him I overreacted. But I'm not going to do that, because I didn't overreact, and if I say that I'll never be able to expect anything more from him. I do want him in my life, but I have to be someone he can respect. It feels like we may never speak again, and the thought of that makes me want to do something to make this right... but I always make things right between us, and the only hope I have for equanimity is holding my ground...this time.