"It's right where your resistance wanted you to be..."

I spent the better part of yesterday being more sore than I've been in an age and wondering if I was going to be able to spin again this morning. I decided that I would be attending the class, regardless, and so did some stretches and hoped for the best. I figured that I'd managed to do the elliptical yesterday morning when I was sore, so I'd just have to push through the resistance. Fortunately, I woke up in significantly less pain than I'd been in when I went to bed. This morning's class featured only one other person who'd been in Tuesday morning's class and a different routine and music program (makes sense), so it felt different (still great), vibe-wise. One of the songs we spun to was Sting's "Desert Rose," which was perfect for an uphill simulation at point three. I really really get into the Instructions to "keep climbing," and maybe I'm a complete cheeseball, but it motivated me tremendously when the instructor would say "you're almost there; you're almost at the peak now." I would think to myself "yes, I am almost there."

Anyway, my current plan (very much subject to change) is to keep spinning twice a week for about a month and then maybe drop off to one day and replace the other spin morning with another class (if there's one that interests me). I might also keep spinning twice a week and replace one day of elliptical/weights with another class. There are so many possibilities. I think I'll ride this groove out, though, before I try to figure out the next phase.

After tomorrow, detox is over, and I start Phase II of Fat Smash.

Fait à Complit

I received my M.A. in the mail today.

Lentils Simmering on the Stovetop

So, it's day six of my [adapted] detox program. I have been following the Fat Smash diet (courtesy of the doc on Celebrity Fit Club) pretty closely, but I have allowed myself unadorned crab meat (naturally low-cal), baked tilapia, and minimalist sushi (salmon and tuna rolls only). The first 9 days of the program call for a full stop on meat and fish, but even with tofu and eggs (I've been consuming the yolks when I do boiled, another no-no according to Fat Smash), I find that I need something extra.
In any case, I'm eating a ton of fruit and vegetables, I am drinking NO COFFEE of any kind (including decaf), a lot of herbal tea, water (no soda, not even diet), and I am exercising. I'm pleased to say that when I weighed myself two days ago, I was only 8 pounds heavier than when I dropped 60 pounds (two years ago, now).

In other news, things are really good at work. What's that line from BJ's Diary [the movie]? "It is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as one area of your life starts going well, another falls spectacularly apart..."

Well, love is on the wane, but upward career mobility and fitness are waxing. I'll take that.

Spinning!

I survived the first class. :) The instructor was totally helpful when it came to getting my seat height adjusted and pedal straps secured. She told me that I have to remember to keep my knees in, but that otherwise I looked great! I feel awesome. And hungry.

Challenge

Going to bed in an hour. Tomorrow is my first spin class. I keep hearing how grueling it is. Well, I need to up the ante on my life. If I don't create resistance for myself, I won't be able to push past mediocrity.

Cloudy, With A Chance of Miso

Yesterday's work date was a success--Sarah and I both made it through a sizeable chunk of our respective stacks of editing--after a sushi lunch (salmon and tuna rolls, a crabmeat salad, and the miso at left for me).

After wielding my red pen for several hours, I made my way back home and watched many episodes of The Office (season 2) on DVD, courtesy of my boss. I laughed myself past this ambient, pointed sadness that has hovered over everything for the last week.

This morning I woke up and made it through several more half-hour installments before going to work out, and then joining back up with Sarah for a Memorial Day sleepover. We've just been watching movies, snatches of television shows, and shooting video of random silliness and hijinx with my digital camera.

And underneath it all is the hope that maybe he'll call.

Post Workout

these days it is physically impossible for me to sleep past 5:45 a.m., and Saturdays are no exception. I forced myself to lay in my comfy bed until 6:15 this morning but gave up the fight when I realized that it's not like there's any virtue in sleeping in. I challenged myself to see this penchant for early rising as a gift. An opportunity. I showered, did some online research (my ID is expired, I can't find my SSN card, and a few years ago, sucked my birth certificate up in a vacuum cleaner, so I suddenly need to get my documentation in order), and ate a boiled egg and a nectarine before heading to my gym. I did the elliptical for half an hour and started a lifting regimen this morning, too (that's the real metabolism booster). After the gym, I popped into my office next door to grab some work I can do over the long weekend (I'm on a roll with work right now and am also just accepting my desire to really throw myself into it).
Sarah and I are meeting up later today to have a "work date" (she has a ton of freelance stuff to do as well).

And I think I've decided to start a spin class on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6:15.

now, this was a surprise...

You Are 40% Capitalist, 60% Socialist

You tend to be quite wary of businesses, especially big business. While you know that corporations have their place, you tend to support small, locally owned shops. As far as the rich go, you think they're usually corrupt and immoral.

Are You a Socialist or Capitalist?

had to post this...

Your Love Life is Like Annie Hall

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies." You believe that love (if you even believe in love!) is a very complicated thing. Maybe love is pain. Or maybe it's all a big therapy session. You're still figuring it out. Your love style: Brainy and a bit neurotic Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Realistic and reflective

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

The contents of my fridge

You probably can't tell, but it's all incredibly healthy stuff: fruit, veggies, fat-free yogurt, and (unseen) tilapia fish fillets. Day 3 of Detox and I'm holding it down without coffee, meat (for the most part), or bread. Essentially, all my food looks like trees.

Day 2 of Detox. Day 2 of bringing work home. Made it through one stack of papers, but not the other (to the backdrop of "Jerry Maguire"). 's okay. I will pound through the other pages first thing tomorrow morning. Had a good talk with V tonight, and now am preparing for bed. Ohio University sent me program info. Good deal.

Oh, and for as much as I thought I should really try to keep up the online dating thing, It's just not where I am right now--it feels forced and I'm not really engaged. I think I got from it what I was supposed to get.

I brought work home last night so I could power through some stacks of editing. After a simple meal of scallions, spinach, and scrambled egg beaters, I hit the ground running. Some progress was made before I got two fairly lengthy calls, one from my sister (married), and one from E. By the time the last convo ended, I was beat (at about 10:30), so I hit the sack. Hard. I'll likely bring stuff home again tonight. We're in the crunch now.

I also heard from my youngest sister yesterday, from Italy. She seems to be in good spirits, which automatically lifted mine.

not too bad...

Your Life is 17% Off Track

No doubt about it, you are living the right life. You've made some great decisions, and they've definitely paid off. Keep it up. You're on the right track!

Are You Living The Wrong Life?

Because I did not see my mom on Mother's Day proper, I got together with her, a friend of hers, my sister C, and her new husband, B, yesterday afternoon. We went to see a dinner theatre production of "Fiddler on the Roof." My mother really enjoys this type of venue and it was all about making her happy, so... Anyway, it wasn't terrible, but what a time commitment! You eat first and the show doesn't start for about an hour and a half from the time you begin your salad course (because the cast is also the wait staff). It was after 10 when I got home from attending a 5 o'clock show. I was so extremely spent.

Tonight, right after work, I see my long-time friend M for a catch-up session and dinner. By the time she and I sit down for an early evening meal, my youngest sister (also C) will be on a plane bound for Europe. She'll be in Italy for two weeks! I have no idea what I will do without her.

Then, tomorrow morning, I fly North for a day business trip. Will be back home by evening...

detoxing

finishing what i started two years ago...

how am i an idiot? let me count the ways...

so, tonight while i was at the hair salon, sitting my stylist's chair, i see him walk by. Mr. Close Encounters. On autopilot (that would be my flimsy defense if this were a court of relationship law. "Your Honour, I was on autopilot...."), or something, I grab my phone and call him. I left a message saying, "hey, I just saw you walking by and thought I'd say hello." Um. What?

Hopefully any grace or class he attributes to me wasn't just completely nullified by that juvenile maneuver. But really, for as lame as it sounds, I didn't think not to do it until way too late. And what is worse, I immortalized the situation by recording a message.

Well, in truth, I was thinking he'd answer and when he didn't I didn't want him to get a missed call notification (clearly saying it was me) and not leave a message because that would seem even more strange. In the moment I thought that would be worse. Whatever. Shake it off.

I went for a long walk last night. From my street about 16 blocks south. And I could have kept going. Forward movement is the only cure for what ails me. Perpetual forward movement. Not the metaphor of forward movement, but actually just moving. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Literally.

Two months to the day

I had what I am certain was my final date with Mr. Close Encounters last night, exactly two months to the day, and in the same place as our first date.

There is a lot that I cannot and would not say about it here, but I can say this. He ended things with me for noble reasons that had more to do with me than him. In the light of a new day, I find that I loathe those reasons. It changes nothing; they are what they are. This is the goddamn repeating refrain of my life. It is what it is. It was what it was.

I can also say this. I said everything I wanted to say to him. I asked him what I wanted to ask him. And we kissed good-bye for a long, long time.

On Monday nights I watch another in the suite of Kelsey Grammer's CW programs (sidebar: what is it with the former star of Frasier/Cheers and Black-themed television programming?), "The Game."

What impresses me about this show, tonally, is the pervasive tension that runs through each episode. It's been billed as a sitcom, but it's actually a drama that's been compressed into a half-hour sitcom format. It's certainly ironic, and therefore comic, but the storylines and themes are ponderous and agitated. The cast has made some very interesting choices--they are playing their characters not as cariacatures (in less capable, subtle hands this show would be like any other serial comedy trying, by means of noise and pomp, to be endearing), but straight. There is an awareness, certainly, of the flaws of the principals, but they are each embodying their personas, not standing on the outskirts of the characters doing some version of the "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" brand of portrayal.

I cooked at the office today! I got in there, hit the ground running, and barely lifted my head up before noon. I sailed on through the afternoon, too. There are miles to go before I sleep, but for now, I feel on top of things.

In other news, I am tentatively opening myself back up to dates with strangers. We'll see how that goes.

Got back home last night after a full Friday-into-Saturday sleepover at Sarah's place. We hooked up for an early dinner right after work then headed back to her place to watch "Freedom Writers." For as much as I didn't feel up for another "young, green teacher comes into the 'hood and changes kids' lives" movie, this one was worth it. I guess there are so many variations on the theme because there are any number of true life stories on which to base the films. If I'm not mistaken "Stand and Deliver," "Lean On Me," and "Dangerous Minds" were all true-life tales. I know "Freedom Writers" is...

Saturday morning, Sarah had an early appointment for a hair cut, so I hung out at the nearby Starbucks while she got her tresses trimmed. Afterward, we picked up some lunch stuff from Trader Joe's then headed back to her place for a leisurely day of grazing/snacking, watching TV, and me helping her vacuum her place and clean up a bit (ever since her left foot's been encased in an industrial-looking boot, she's been less able to do some more of the basic things). Then, we went to a barbecue at the home of a friend and coworker of hers. We were there for several hours--just talking to the family, eating, drinking, and playing with the most adorable twin toddlers I've ever seen. Such distinct personalities already!

Today, I'm thinking about attending church, but I also have a lot that I could and should be doing here at the homestead. I need to gear up for the coming work week. It's going to be busy.

little rays

a tiny text message from a boy, an evenly-paced work day, chinese takeout for lunch, a hazelnut latte from dunkin' d, spending the night at my best friend's house.

Yet another reason to step back from the sphere of online dating

So, I get an e-mail notification that I have a message in my online dating site mailbox. It says "Thanks, but I've just met someone and I want to see what develops." I figured it was someone that I wrote to at the very beginning of my stint back in February who is just now getting back to me, because I can't remember the last time I initiated contact with anyone...

No. It was a man who first wrote to me a few weeks ago. I never replied to him (not even to say "thanks, but no thanks.") because he didn't have a photo and by that time, I'd figured out that it's perfectly acceptable online dating protocol to not reply at all if you are not interested. In the beginning I was sending everyone acknowledgment messages and often it just kept the line of communication going longer than I wanted it to.

He sent me a blow-off message. A blow-off message in response to his own overture toward me. Forgive me if you are a man and you read this blog, but it's dubious parlance like that that makes me think men are a categorical waste of time and space.

I set a couple of goals for myself for the evening. I wanted to make chicken salad; roast carrots and turkey cutlets (for lunch and dinner tomorrow); watch "Dreamland" (my latest Netflix offering); and work on a short story that I started more than a year ago (based on Edward Hopper's painting "Office at Night"). I am happy to say that I did all of these things and even managed to have a tremendously fun convo with Sarah, too.

Another great night of sleep awaits.

Taking Refuge Among My Women Friends

I find men to be taxing and strange. In the spirit of taking time off from the world of men and dating, I got together with E tonight at the Cafe de Ciudad. We enjoyed the requisite calamari appetizer (yum!) before our meals. I went thinking I would just get coffee, but I was truly starving and we had a lot of catching up to do, so a wan cup of brew wouldn't suffice. We had that kind of conversation. Long, deep, funny, meandering, lovely. The kind of conversation only two women can have. That kind.

I hope to sleep deeply tonight, unlike the last two, angst-filled weeks.

Hitched

Well, she's done it. My sister is a married woman. And for as hectic as the day before the ceremony was, her excellent planning skills and nurturing, giving nature not only ensured that everything came off just as she and her husband envisioned, but that her ladies in waiting were all cared for and appreciated as well. She made so many accomodations (including a roomy suite) for us and made every provision for our comfort. She was just the model bride. It's interesting to think that this wasn't even the big ceremony. This was just the small prologue. They plan to do it again in August when more of their friends and family can be in attendance...

The after party on the Spirit of Washington ship in DC was a lot of fun--and despite some pseudo cabaret-style entertainment, made for an elegant finishing touch.

I asked C this morning if she felt weird at all, now that she's someone's wife. She said "No, but I did have a moment yesterday when I thought to myself 'I'm only 23 years old!'"

The Eve of the Eve of My Sister's Wedding

C called me this afternoon and asked me to pray that everything goes smoothly on Saturday. She asked me to ask everyone I know who prays, to pray. Without giving too many potentially identifying details here, I'll just say that other, fringe, relationships can complicate your life at the worst times in the worst ways. Mostly because people have no ability to realize when an event is not about them.

As far as my own efforts to prepare for my sister's special day go, I am getting my hair done tonight (it's my regular appointment) and then I am leaving early tomorrow morning for the suburbs of Washington, DC to enjoy a day of errand-running, a manicure, a pedicure, and last minute shopping (still don't know what I'm wearing). It's odd to think that, details and logistics aside, by the time I return to Baltimore from this weekend away, my younger sister will be someone's wife.

On other fronts, not much is happening. Work is about to be very busy, and I suspect that the largest reserves of my emotional energy will be given to that cause.

I know I've been crap at updating this week. Posts may be spotty for the rest of May. Of course, now that I've said that I bet I'll post every day next week...