There Is No Excuse for Domestic Violence

Over the summer a good friend of mine began seeing someone, someone who, while not who she thought she was looking for, seemed wonderful. He was attentive, and most importantly, real. This particular friend of mine is given to flights of fancy, so when this guy came into her life, and she deemed him worth her consideration, I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she was finally going to lead the life she'd always dreamed about. A living, breathing man, not a theoretical prince charming, at last.

And I encouraged her toward him, telling her to not let him go, since he was standing right there, offering her something actual.

Slowly, more information about him trickled in, and I became cautiously supportive. I learned that he experienced irrational bouts of anger, jealousy, and wild mood swings in which he displayed some degree of schizophrenic behavior--perhaps not clinically speaking, but colloquially so. He would often state his undying love, propose to her... and the next day rescind all of it, and offer her a pledge of friendship, with the hope that someday she could find someone who would be right for her.

Then, one day she told me he "flicked" her on the cheek in frustration. All my alarm bells went off. As someone who has seen the evolution of physical abuse up close (because of my parents' marriage), I was in the position to tell her that violence and rage are cumulative. If a man will touch you, in any way, in anger, even a "flick," he will eventually punch you. It is a fact.

Even then, I was willing to concede that this might be an isolated incident, that it should be addressed, and that she needed to make her lack of tolerance for such "gestures" clear, but I did not advise her no-holds-barred to end things. Because I was only hearing her side of things, I was still willing to hold out a shred of hope, but I stopped with any overt encouragement.

Over the course of the last several months, I have wondered about the potential of subsequent instances.

Today, I found out my suspicions were correct. He had graduated to forceful wrist grabs and pushing.
I advised her to get out and never look back, to make no room in her thinking for ever seeing him again. I only pray that she has enough regard for her own heart to make her peace with this decoy of an experience... I hope she doesn't retreat into a world of spun sugar, too afraid to ever look a real man in the face again.