As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool returns to his folly... or, something like that...

This is one of my favourite passages of scripture from one of my favourite books of the Bible--Proverbs (good stuff--very funny, actually) and God has used it as a sharp reminder to me about the necessity of letting some things and some people drift from my life.

I have often been guilty of wanting to keep the herd together, even when it's no longer organic to do so, just so I can congratulate myself on being one of those people who doesn't let her friendships lapse. That is to say, I held on to some individuals for a long, long time when I knew I needed to extract myself from his or her life. This is tough business--this process of letting lapses in e-mails morph into long periods of silence. Or, the more violent method--having no other option but to tell the person in no uncertain terms that you will not be in her life anymore.

Sometimes I am tempted to bridge the gap of communication (other times I have been so happy that a certain person is no longer a factor in my life that I can't stop celebrating his absence/removal), just to check up on the ones I let go--see how they are doing. Because it is often the case that I still really really care for the former friend; I certainly wish them well.

But you can't send someone, especially someone you've told outright 'don't ever call me; I won't be calling you. God Bless,' an e-mail asking her "what's up?" Besides, that scripture comes rushing up to meet me whenever I'm hit with that urge to "check on" people (pathological control issues, I've self-diagnosed). Why do I always want to nudge closed doors open...just a crack? If I barely escaped with my sanity from these dysfunctional friendships in the past, why on earth would I want to tempt fate the principles of good, common sense?

Anyway, I'm bringing all this up today because I was just sitting at my desk thanking God for all of the relationships He has removed from my life, for whatever reason, through whatever means, that were ultimately destructive--for me and the other person, in all likelihood. I realized something today. There is a lot happening in my life right now that couldn't be happening if I hadn't been willing to let go of what was no longer good--even if it had been at one time. And it's okay that I no longer miss these old friends--that I am glad things have moved forward, with no chance to look back.

I just have to trust that things are working out for them for the best, and that that couldn't be the case, if I were still in their lives. It is freeing to think of it this way. I think happiness is a direct result of autonomy and agency. Whatever undermines personal agency will eventually erode peace of mind...