Wedding In The Round

Victoria and Michael were married at the Carmelite Monastery, a convent about 25 minutes north of where I live in the city. The chapel is a round room with an enitre wall of windows, so it gives the feeling of being outside in the lush garden the nuns have tended. It was raining, off and on, at the time of their ceremony, but the room was cozy and quaint. It was intimate, sitting that way, being able to read everyone's facial expressions, and thereby, to some extent, read their thoughts.

During the exchange of vows, when Victoria said michael's whole name, I got a bit weepy. I had a memory of two and a half years earlier... I was visiting her for the weekend, and going to my first evensong service with Gordon (I did not live in Baltimore at the time). She had just met michael, and while definitely not carried away, knew she already liked him very much. In a fit of girlish fantasy indulgence, I encouraged her to write her first name beside his last name in her journal, just to see how it would sound.

That didn't seem risky to me, even then. I believed in my heart he was right for her, and I'd not yet met him.

As I mentioned he would several months ago, Gordon played the prelude music, and sang, with someone else, the "Wedding Song," to which the bridal party proceded.
When he got to the line "Woman draws her life from man and gives it back again," I looked over at him holding his guitar so earnestly, his head bowed a bit.

And then later in the ceremony, during the homily, I turned behind me, and found him already staring in my direction. Our eyes locked at a particularly poignant moment. It is always hard to know how intentional things like that are, or who starts them... I already knew he loved my hair, because he told me so when I talked with him before the wedding started.... maybe he was just looking at that... or looking past me, but it didn't seem to be the case.

Sarah and I left for the reception almost immediately after the recessional, and got to the Long Green Gardens just in time to beat the deluge.

When Gordon came in to the reception hall, he made his way over to where we were sitting, and I told him how much I enjoyed the music he played, and then, I took his hand in mine, and squeezed it for emphasis. I felt him there with me in that gesture. He asked if the singing had been okay, and I told him that it was very pleasant, and involunatrily placed my hand over my heart when I said again, that I really enjoyed it.

He was on videographer duty (along with two others) at the reception, so even though we were not sitting at the same table, It was negligible. I wouldn't have seen or interacted with him anymore, had we been. He made it a point to come "visit" a lot, and we stared at each other very intensely a lot, and at one point when he was taking still shots with his own camera, across the room from me, he found me across a sea of tables, and aimed the lens in my direction, and snapped.

No one noticed that (of course I told 'Bina about it later), so it was like our "across a croweded room" moment. Just me, dead center, in his view finder.

None of the things I worried about happened. So, even though it was early, Sarah and I left to make it home so she could keep her evening plans--and just so we could beat the rain, if it decided to come back. I felt satisfied that I was leaving the situation on good terms. I'm the one who said I was ready to leave first... I didn't want to fall into the trap of lingering just to see how much more might happen between him and me. As I've said before, another person's wedding is not the time for pushing your own agenda.

I went over and told him I was leaving.

"You're leaving?" he repeated
"I'm over it..." I joked
He gave me a quizzical look.
"No, I'm just kidding. I'm very tired."
Hugging me, he said
"Well, It's nice to see you... I guess I'll see you next week..."
"Yes. Thursday."
I'm not sure why, but I stood there for half a beat more... and he said again
"it was nice to see you."

For the first time in years, I finally feel secure that there will be a next time. The day before he asked me if I needed a ride to the wedding. I didn't regret not needing to take him up on that. Because I don't think that every opportunity is my last anymore. I always know I will see him again, because I believe he wants to see me again.