Forgot to mention this...

A few weeks ago my youngest sister had a housewarming at her new place. Several of her friends, most of whom I had never met, were there. The mood was fun and festive; a great, young person's party vibe was in full effect.

Then something weird happened. One of her colleagues from the music school where she works said something. I hadn't been "working the room," or anything like that, but I grabbed a seat near this guy, and I must have engaged him in a superficial level of conversation.

Somehow Oprah came up.

For the sake of my story you need to know that this guy is white and that his girlfriend is Indian (not Native American). I believe that their relationship gave him some sense of entitlement where discussing matters of race with strangers is concerned, because he looked right at me and told me he thinks Oprah is a racist.

'Go to your diplomatic place. Don't just get up and walk away,' I coached myself inside my own head.

"Really? How so?"

He went on to explain that two adoptive families with strikingly similar situations were on the show. Apparently, the black family got a ton more air time than the white family. This, he proclaimed, was the one example he could think of, but there were others.

He went on to say that her school in South Africa was a great thing, but "why did she have to attach her name to it?"

So, let me get this straight.

Because she did not anonymously adopt a group of African children (yes, she did legally and fully adopt several), and because she did not anonymously build a school that may well have not gotten off the ground had her name not been attached to it, she's a villain?

Also, just to make sure I get this, I'll reiterate: in one instance, black people got more air time than some white people, so that belies a pointed, targeted socially exclusionary paradigm? Black people, who at one time would not have gotten any air time at all, were priveleged, time-wise, and this is our definition of reverse racism?

I was seething. This is the kind of racist ignorance that actually makes me want to clock someone.

I forced myself to ask him in a measured tone "You do understand that it is impossible for any person of colour in this country to be racist, don't you? 'Racism' implies institutional power, of which we have none, so while it is possible for a person of colour to be prejudiced, we don't have the leverage to be racist."

Let me just say for the record, white people, it is not reverse racism when black people finally get a piece of the damn pie, okay? It is not racism when something is not about you.

And please, as your black friend, let me tell you that 1)you need to make sure you really know the person you're talking to and that you have a real foundation of friendship before you go trying to have a candid talk about race--specifically about a black person or black people you think are racist--at someone's party, with someone who is not white.

2)Just because you are dating someone who is not white doesn't mean you're not ignorant.

3)Consider how you might be holding a black person, or other person of colour (in this case, Oprah) to a standard you wouldn't/don't hold white people on the same level to.

Cause the message I heard is "If you're black and have power, you need to demure and bow and scrape."

Um, somebody hand this moron the memo.