I try to refrain from commenting, except for the occasional remark in passing to a friend, on Britney Spears' life, but in light of the buzz surrounding her performance at the MTV Music Video Awards, I feel compelled to offer my two cents.
I watched the clip of her much-maligned showing on the music channel's site and I have to say that I'm not sure why it's been trashed everywhere from CNN.com to The Baltimore Sun. The decision is unanimous. Every reporter, arm chair entertainment pundit, and friend (or relative) of mine agrees. Before I saw the 4 minute "train wreck," I heard that it was "disgusting," "terrible," and "so awful." I didn't hear (or read) a single reference to Britney's opener without reading how pudgy, fat, or bloated she looked. This one number has the world agreeing--Britney's career is over for good, that there's no coming back, that she can't even lip sync for goodness' sake.
Sarah Silverman, crude individual that she is, was particularly vicious in her summation of Spears' routine. The comedienne called B's children "adorable mistakes," and assessed that Britney, at the age of 25, had already accomplished everything she was ever going to accomplish in her life. Then there were some other references which were so vile, that well, it's best to forget them.
Anyway, I couldn't wait to get home so I could see what the entire country was on about.
Here's what I saw:
A lackluster, hackneyed, overtly sexual performance by a girl who has made a series of bad choices. There was nothing original about the concept (but then again, I always think that skimpy clothing and stip tease moves are a copout), and she did seem to be out of sync, but it wasn't "embarassing," and while I recall a significantly more toned girl than the one who was on stage, she isn't so out of shape that the outfit was out of the question. Incidentally, everyone has jumped on the "she's so wobbly, she's so fat" bandwagon. Is no one examining the message behind that? I mean, it's mean-spirited, relentless commentary about the girl's weight, which I'm sorry, is not that out of hand.
From where I sat, there was on "problem" with her performance. I was simply bored by it. If I hadn't heard that it was awful, I'm not sure I would have known it was supposed to be.
Maybe I'm missing something?
I think that the last several failed magazine interviews she's had are far more scandalous and indicative of real trouble than last night's showing. Her shenanigans haven't really elicited much pity from me in the past, but this current assessment of her does.
It doesn't seem fair.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Back to Normal
Started feeling back to normal by Friday evening. Thank goodness this was just one of those 36-hour things (and it did not morph into a sore throat, which I just can't stand). Over-the-counter meds, orange juice, and sleep did the trick.
Managed to exercise both yesterday (elliptical and spin!) and today (elliptical, lifting, and resistance bands), which will help set the tone for the week. The eating was not so virtuous. I won't get into it.
All set to go back to work and tackle some deliverables. Had a realization today. It's all going to just keep flying by. . . every Sunday night I feel a twinge of uncertainty. I ask myself if I'll be able to pull "it" off again this week (whatever "it" is), and the truth is the days fly, regardless of what's on my plate. I blink and they're gone. This is not to say that some weeks aren't more challenging than others, or that some days don't seem to move slowly, but in retrospect, it's always gone too quickly.
The last year of my life is already an airy memory, though it was filled with ponderous stuff. Just gone. And whatever it is that I was worried about, well, it either worked itself out or went away. So I'll just take this M-F as it comes. Here's to "it," whatever that may be.
Managed to exercise both yesterday (elliptical and spin!) and today (elliptical, lifting, and resistance bands), which will help set the tone for the week. The eating was not so virtuous. I won't get into it.
All set to go back to work and tackle some deliverables. Had a realization today. It's all going to just keep flying by. . . every Sunday night I feel a twinge of uncertainty. I ask myself if I'll be able to pull "it" off again this week (whatever "it" is), and the truth is the days fly, regardless of what's on my plate. I blink and they're gone. This is not to say that some weeks aren't more challenging than others, or that some days don't seem to move slowly, but in retrospect, it's always gone too quickly.
The last year of my life is already an airy memory, though it was filled with ponderous stuff. Just gone. And whatever it is that I was worried about, well, it either worked itself out or went away. So I'll just take this M-F as it comes. Here's to "it," whatever that may be.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Under the Weather
In spite of the fact that I felt the implications of a bad cold as early as Wednesday night, I still attended an out of town business meeting yesterday. I'm working from home today, trying to recuperate from aches, pains, sinus pressure, and general malaise. it doesn't help at all that the water is off b/c the plumber is working on my building's pipes. what i wouldn't give for a shower.
i want to venture out for some orange juice (the one thing i forgot yesterday during my brief shopping trip to 7-11 where i picked up diet ginger ale, chicken soup, and tissue), but i'd really like to bathe first. have a small appetite, which is good. i ate a hearty bowl of cheerios this morning.
i want to venture out for some orange juice (the one thing i forgot yesterday during my brief shopping trip to 7-11 where i picked up diet ginger ale, chicken soup, and tissue), but i'd really like to bathe first. have a small appetite, which is good. i ate a hearty bowl of cheerios this morning.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
34!
I have lovely people in my life. The morning began with a scrumptuous almond amaretto cake (not pictured here) courtesy of my boss. I ate a conservative slice (after spin class--ha!) The 6.5 hours I spent at work were evenly productive, then it was home for a few hours of low key e-mail returning and getting ready for the small dinner party I planned. Sadly, Sarah could not be there (nasty upper respiratory infection), but I gathered with V, M, E, and C at the City Cafe.
Other than a glass of wine and the divine chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream frosting and raspberries, I had a half size house salad with grilled chicken on top (fat free dressing on the side). Two slices of cake aside, this was a great day for fruits and vegetables (and exercise), so I have no food remorse, which is a good thing.
Thanks to my friends' thoughtfulness, I have a gift card (Target!), dessert plates and crisp white coffee mugs, a digital scale that calculates not only weight but BMI and fat percentage (it was on my wish list), and candles (you can really never have too many, in my opinion). To commemorate the event for them, I made a "Kate's 34" mix cd complete w/ cover art (some assembly required).
So, another year... yeah. Good times.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
3 days to 34
so i am fast approaching my mid-30s. this year definitely yielded some sadness, some surprises, and some success.
My 33rd birthday was the last time i ever heard my father's voice. He died twenty days later.
Roughly six months after my 33rd, i was kissed for the first time in 16 years. The man who had the honour was the first mutual, romantic attraction of my life. Even though that dalliance did not evolve into a relationship, it heralded the coming of a new era--the era of men being captivated by something other than my intellect.
A month before i turned 33 i accepted the most fulfilling job of my adult life.
3 months after my 33rd, i finished the Masters program at JHU.
And now, today, with just 3 days left of this year, i am 20 pounds lighter than i was at this time last year. Just about 10 more to go before i hit my milestone.
My 33rd birthday was the last time i ever heard my father's voice. He died twenty days later.
Roughly six months after my 33rd, i was kissed for the first time in 16 years. The man who had the honour was the first mutual, romantic attraction of my life. Even though that dalliance did not evolve into a relationship, it heralded the coming of a new era--the era of men being captivated by something other than my intellect.
A month before i turned 33 i accepted the most fulfilling job of my adult life.
3 months after my 33rd, i finished the Masters program at JHU.
And now, today, with just 3 days left of this year, i am 20 pounds lighter than i was at this time last year. Just about 10 more to go before i hit my milestone.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
headed in the right direction
today was better than i thought it would be. in spite of not wanting to work out this morning, i dragged my sleepy self to the gym at the normal time. i decided to forego my lifting routine after 40 minutes on the elliptical in favor of hitting the ground running at work. good choice. i'm going to end the week in an advantageous position--some deliverables out a bit early, others ready to submit early the morning after Labor Day.
Speaking of September 4th, I'm looking forward to spinning bright and early on my 34th birthday. I can't think of a better way to begin that day or a better gift to give myself.
I've been off balance the last couple of days, but I'm coming to a familiar conclusion. I need to loosen my grip, breathe, and wait. Whatever disappointments I have, it's time to release them. To my quote my beloved Rilke:
Who has no house now,will never build one.
Who is alone now, will long remain so,
will stay awake, read, write long letters
and will wander restlessly up and down
the tree-lined streets, when the leaves are drifting.
Speaking of September 4th, I'm looking forward to spinning bright and early on my 34th birthday. I can't think of a better way to begin that day or a better gift to give myself.
I've been off balance the last couple of days, but I'm coming to a familiar conclusion. I need to loosen my grip, breathe, and wait. Whatever disappointments I have, it's time to release them. To my quote my beloved Rilke:
Who has no house now,will never build one.
Who is alone now, will long remain so,
will stay awake, read, write long letters
and will wander restlessly up and down
the tree-lined streets, when the leaves are drifting.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
coming together
after the football game that wasn't (pouring rain, a delayed kick-off in the rain, etc.) meant that my good friend E and I ate exhorbitantly priced stadium food and stood around for a couple of hours at FedEx Field. I know the seats were stellar and it was a chance to see the team I grew up rooting for battle the team that represents the town I feel like I'm from, but it just wasn't to be. E and I agreed that if we'd had rain coats (or even just been wearing long pants), it might have been worth it to sit in the rain. I, however, was wearing a denim skirt that stopped just at the knee, a flimsy cardigan set on top, and chunky Mary Janes. Believe me, it was cute, but it wasn't going to cut it in that weather.
E dropped me off at Sarah's (she was supposed to attend the game, too, but didn't feel well) afterward where I spent the night. After a grocery run this morning, S and I parted ways so I could get to the gym and then come back home to do my laundry (3 sizeable loads).
Thankfully, while I was out at the gym the window repairman came and fixed my bathroom window. I haven't been able to open it for a month. Whatever the mechanism is that holds a window up once it's lifted, was broken. Having that window open means an effective cross breeze, which alleviates, at least at night, the mugginess in this place (no a/c except for the bedroom).
As soon as he left (I got back before he was finished), I did my resistance bands routine and started laundry. With that done in short order, I set about preparing a prawn salad over mixed greens for dinner. Once it was ready to be enjoyed, I popped in "North By Northwest"--love Hitchcock--and relaxed.
Near the end of the movie I got restless. I got up and started tidying and dusting. I purged some papers, did my toenails, and rearranged a little furniture. I think having a cup of coffee at 4 in the afternoon may have been a bit late, caffeine-wise.
Tomorrow morning I am working out at home (early business meeting will be less complicated if I skip the gym scene). I thought about giving myself the day off, but given that my gym is closed Thursday though Labor Day (annual cleaning), I really shouldn't skip any workouts. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday it's just not likely that I'll get in my cardio fix, so I should save up for the slacking that is part and parcel of a holiday.
Have a great week everyone!
E dropped me off at Sarah's (she was supposed to attend the game, too, but didn't feel well) afterward where I spent the night. After a grocery run this morning, S and I parted ways so I could get to the gym and then come back home to do my laundry (3 sizeable loads).
Thankfully, while I was out at the gym the window repairman came and fixed my bathroom window. I haven't been able to open it for a month. Whatever the mechanism is that holds a window up once it's lifted, was broken. Having that window open means an effective cross breeze, which alleviates, at least at night, the mugginess in this place (no a/c except for the bedroom).
As soon as he left (I got back before he was finished), I did my resistance bands routine and started laundry. With that done in short order, I set about preparing a prawn salad over mixed greens for dinner. Once it was ready to be enjoyed, I popped in "North By Northwest"--love Hitchcock--and relaxed.
Near the end of the movie I got restless. I got up and started tidying and dusting. I purged some papers, did my toenails, and rearranged a little furniture. I think having a cup of coffee at 4 in the afternoon may have been a bit late, caffeine-wise.
Tomorrow morning I am working out at home (early business meeting will be less complicated if I skip the gym scene). I thought about giving myself the day off, but given that my gym is closed Thursday though Labor Day (annual cleaning), I really shouldn't skip any workouts. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday it's just not likely that I'll get in my cardio fix, so I should save up for the slacking that is part and parcel of a holiday.
Have a great week everyone!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
On the Scene
What I love about working out at my gym (aside from its proximity to my j-o-b) is that it has a friendly staff who beam at you when you bop in at 6 am (when the doors open), and how congenial all the squash players that flock there are. The typical squash player at MMAC is a middle-aged, white, businessman who needs to get in his raquet fix before he hits the grind. They line up, along with me, outside the doors at 5:57, coffee in one hand, suit for postworkout on a drycleaner hanger in the other--plotting their matches for the week. I like these men. I like that they hold doors for me (and each other) and smile. I like that "you're-in-the-gym-first-thing-in-the-morning-just-like-me nod" that they bless me with.
And for the gentlemen who are there rocking the elliptical or the spin bike (depending on the day) like me, I get the smiles and waves that say "we're all in it together." There's one man who says "have a good one" when I head off to lift after the elliptical dismount. Our smiles of acknowledgment are so sincere; I don't even know when these little exchanges began, but this man has such a kind face, I look forward to catching his eye just so I can say hi.
I want to make sure I'm giving you an accurate picture--this is not a meat market. This isn't about the old "once over." Any of these men could be my father (or grandfather). We're seeing each other at our sweaty bests, though, and that creates a feeling of fraternity.
A couple of the women that I see in the locker room or in spin are complete gems. They're all about the validation. One of them said to me the other day "Good morning, Skinny!" And on another occasion, I heard, as I was getting dressed: "All your clothes are too big!"
This fitness center draws all kinds--young and old; the wealthy and the decidedly middle class; men and women (and children--there's a kids care room where parents can deposit their little ones while they take classes or use the machines). The diverse class offerings are part of the monthly membership (except for advanced pilates), and you don't even have to be a member to do water aerobics (there's just a 5-dollar drop in fee).
If you're in the City of Charm and are looking for a place to tone up or slim down, definitely consider it.
And for the gentlemen who are there rocking the elliptical or the spin bike (depending on the day) like me, I get the smiles and waves that say "we're all in it together." There's one man who says "have a good one" when I head off to lift after the elliptical dismount. Our smiles of acknowledgment are so sincere; I don't even know when these little exchanges began, but this man has such a kind face, I look forward to catching his eye just so I can say hi.
I want to make sure I'm giving you an accurate picture--this is not a meat market. This isn't about the old "once over." Any of these men could be my father (or grandfather). We're seeing each other at our sweaty bests, though, and that creates a feeling of fraternity.
A couple of the women that I see in the locker room or in spin are complete gems. They're all about the validation. One of them said to me the other day "Good morning, Skinny!" And on another occasion, I heard, as I was getting dressed: "All your clothes are too big!"
This fitness center draws all kinds--young and old; the wealthy and the decidedly middle class; men and women (and children--there's a kids care room where parents can deposit their little ones while they take classes or use the machines). The diverse class offerings are part of the monthly membership (except for advanced pilates), and you don't even have to be a member to do water aerobics (there's just a 5-dollar drop in fee).
If you're in the City of Charm and are looking for a place to tone up or slim down, definitely consider it.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
length
I had a hair appointment today for the first time in about a month. I canceled the last two due to short funds and because they weren't absolutely necessary. I'm amazed at the length I've gained in such a short while (I attribute it to drinking more water and eating better, in general)! I had this idea that I would get it cut short short in 10 more pounds (when I reach my "interim goal"), but my stylist told me how much she admired it and how healthy it's looking. She reminded me that I can always cut my hair, but that if I'm enjoying it long, I should let it do its thing for a while--and then, before transitioning to my short, short look, I should play with different cuts of various lengths. She mentioned a bob (something funky and angular). I got very very excited.
So, when I go back in a month, it'll be all about fresh highlights.
So, when I go back in a month, it'll be all about fresh highlights.
Monday, August 20, 2007
another way to get in the workout
i just scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees. i'm sorry to say it needed it. Swiffer gets props for reinventing the mop concept, but sometimes it's elbow grease or nothing.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
"4 reps left . . ."
resistance bands first thing, then a breakfast of 1 tilapia filet and a quarter baked yam w/ 1/2 serving of brummel & brown (yogurt based "butter" substitute). now? getting ready for church.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Anatomy of a Saturday
6:55: Wake up; Contemplate a pre-workout meal
7:10: Attired in workout gear; eat a rice cake with a peanutbutter shmear (sp?) while watching part of an "Office" season 1 epi
7:30: At the lightrail waiting for a north-bound train
8:05: Enter the gym; mount an elliptical
9:00: Dismount elliptical; begin a truncated lifting routine
9:51: Back home; shower; consider post-workout meal
12:00: Leave to meet Sarah in Lutherville
1:00: Amble around Kohl's with the Sarah-one; find really amazing purse and chunky necklace that I cannot afford--do not buy these items, but do buy way discounted sunglasses; get in the car and head to points even further north
1:45: Sushi at Wegman's (brown rice spicy salmon roll)
2:30: Greetings and Readings Book store to read magazines (quizzes and celebrity gossip!)
2:35: Ponder the deevolution of Britney Spears; Realize, again, that Brad Pitt &Angelina Jolie are deflecting intimacy [with each other] by compulsively adopting children from all over the world; Read of Jill Scott's divorce and think "a woman still has to choose between personal, professional success and the success of her relationships."
4-ish: Head to target so S can buy lip liner and mascara
4:30-ish: Realize that I'm hungry and need to eat like right then!
5 or so: Tide over snack while pondering a real meal
6:00: Drive to Canton and settle on a placed called "Dockside"
6:45: come to the conclusion that while I would go there again, I wish I had gotten something other than the softshell crab
7:30: hunt around for the perfect vantage point from which to photograph the Domino Sugar sign (do not find said vantage point)
8:00: Back home; prep for bill-pay this week; blog a bit; switch out check register; putter about
10:08: blog again; contemplate church tomorrow; realize that I am peckish; consider doing resistance bands DVD routine first thing in the morning as opposed to evening, as per usual on a Sunday. . .
7:10: Attired in workout gear; eat a rice cake with a peanutbutter shmear (sp?) while watching part of an "Office" season 1 epi
7:30: At the lightrail waiting for a north-bound train
8:05: Enter the gym; mount an elliptical
9:00: Dismount elliptical; begin a truncated lifting routine
9:51: Back home; shower; consider post-workout meal
12:00: Leave to meet Sarah in Lutherville
1:00: Amble around Kohl's with the Sarah-one; find really amazing purse and chunky necklace that I cannot afford--do not buy these items, but do buy way discounted sunglasses; get in the car and head to points even further north
1:45: Sushi at Wegman's (brown rice spicy salmon roll)
2:30: Greetings and Readings Book store to read magazines (quizzes and celebrity gossip!)
2:35: Ponder the deevolution of Britney Spears; Realize, again, that Brad Pitt &Angelina Jolie are deflecting intimacy [with each other] by compulsively adopting children from all over the world; Read of Jill Scott's divorce and think "a woman still has to choose between personal, professional success and the success of her relationships."
4-ish: Head to target so S can buy lip liner and mascara
4:30-ish: Realize that I'm hungry and need to eat like right then!
5 or so: Tide over snack while pondering a real meal
6:00: Drive to Canton and settle on a placed called "Dockside"
6:45: come to the conclusion that while I would go there again, I wish I had gotten something other than the softshell crab
7:30: hunt around for the perfect vantage point from which to photograph the Domino Sugar sign (do not find said vantage point)
8:00: Back home; prep for bill-pay this week; blog a bit; switch out check register; putter about
10:08: blog again; contemplate church tomorrow; realize that I am peckish; consider doing resistance bands DVD routine first thing in the morning as opposed to evening, as per usual on a Sunday. . .
Friday, August 17, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
the day that started off great but got progressively worse
i woke up this morning at 5 a.m., as per usual. i felt a remarkable ease settle over me almost immediately. it was still pitch black outside, i wasn't even dressed, but felt that this tuesday had all the makings of greatness about it.
i got to spin class and hit the zone so hard and so fast that you couldn't have told me i wasn't one with my fly-wheel. i pushed through the resistance. i killed in position three. i sprinted. i jumped. and it didn't even affect me.
a lovely, thoughtful communique from my boss put me in an even more wonderful mood--today is my one-year anniversary at the company and she wanted to let me know she remembered. tremendous.
several hours later and i have to say that while i am maintaining perspective, i do not believe that i am still within the same 24-hour period--the same date on the calendar as when i opened my eyes in a state of sheer bliss this morning.
some plans of mine were rescheduled. again. in general, something i've been hoping for has not happened and i have no reason to think it will. ever. and what is more, snags in a project of mine are making me feel less than great about the efforts i've been putting forth--though i feel like i'm killing myself to be great, somehow these efforts are not translating.
it's been a long time since i've felt like crying, throwing up my hands.
the latest issue of O Magazine arrived. I took the Schema test. It looks like a case of Abandonment and Unrelenting Standards plague my relationships. No kidding.
this is to say nothing of the random bit of skin that i somehow sliced off my thumb (i have no idea how this happened), or the fact that i forgot my mesh sponge and body wash, so i had to rely on the gym's soap for my shower this morning...)
i got to spin class and hit the zone so hard and so fast that you couldn't have told me i wasn't one with my fly-wheel. i pushed through the resistance. i killed in position three. i sprinted. i jumped. and it didn't even affect me.
a lovely, thoughtful communique from my boss put me in an even more wonderful mood--today is my one-year anniversary at the company and she wanted to let me know she remembered. tremendous.
several hours later and i have to say that while i am maintaining perspective, i do not believe that i am still within the same 24-hour period--the same date on the calendar as when i opened my eyes in a state of sheer bliss this morning.
some plans of mine were rescheduled. again. in general, something i've been hoping for has not happened and i have no reason to think it will. ever. and what is more, snags in a project of mine are making me feel less than great about the efforts i've been putting forth--though i feel like i'm killing myself to be great, somehow these efforts are not translating.
it's been a long time since i've felt like crying, throwing up my hands.
the latest issue of O Magazine arrived. I took the Schema test. It looks like a case of Abandonment and Unrelenting Standards plague my relationships. No kidding.
this is to say nothing of the random bit of skin that i somehow sliced off my thumb (i have no idea how this happened), or the fact that i forgot my mesh sponge and body wash, so i had to rely on the gym's soap for my shower this morning...)
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
because it's too hot to wear anything else
i'm in my apartment sporting a pair of boxers and a camisole. after work today i waded out into that humid soup to make a quick run to the grocery store. i debated getting a cheeseburger from the City Cafe (calorie-wise i could have afforded it), but have put a strict spending limit on myself for the foreseeable future. i opted to pick up some chicken, diced tomatoes, and brown rice because it would a)sate m hunger without being indulgent and b)yield leftovers for lunch. there's a time and a place for indulgence and today, i felt, was not that time.
nothing much is new. i'm coming upon my one year anniversary at work, am in the throes of a big project. time marches on.
nothing much is new. i'm coming upon my one year anniversary at work, am in the throes of a big project. time marches on.
Monday, August 06, 2007
A little melancholy
there is a moment of exultation and extreme sadness, comingled, when i leave the office for the day and walk to the light rail stop to wait for the train that will bear me home. i think 'my time is my own for the next 12 hours.' the evening is spread out before me like a table. then, right on its heels, i realize that i know everything i'm going to do. enter my apartment building at approximately 5:57 p.m.; check the mail; take the elevator to my floor; open the mail; fling down my gym bag and remove the day's workout clothes and accoutrements; prepare a low-cal, low-fat dinner; watch sitcoms in syndication . . .
there is a bit of a reprieve when i have evening plans, but the absence of actual possibility on five nights out of seven is rather like a dull knife thrust in the heart.
then, of course, it is summer in the mid-Atlantic. it is August in the mid-Atlantic. in addition to being unbearably hot, it is also, this year, the beginning of the first anniversary of 3 deaths (in close succession)my family suffered last year.
i remember what those unsuspecting days were like. just like these.
there is a bit of a reprieve when i have evening plans, but the absence of actual possibility on five nights out of seven is rather like a dull knife thrust in the heart.
then, of course, it is summer in the mid-Atlantic. it is August in the mid-Atlantic. in addition to being unbearably hot, it is also, this year, the beginning of the first anniversary of 3 deaths (in close succession)my family suffered last year.
i remember what those unsuspecting days were like. just like these.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
i sense a theme
| You Are a Chocolate Cake |
 Fun, comforting, and friendly. You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality. People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you. |
divit
today i found (and used) the weight machine that targets the small of the back. i think it's my new best friend.
