The Open Door was not the one I expected, but that is always the case. I had been praying that God would make a way for us to talk about what happened--the tension I felt with him back in late November--that somehow this discussion would begin with him. In the interim of that snafu and our resuming communication, I had several dreams, and in these dreams he was almost always seeing someone. This is the case in real life as well, and it was that door of revelation that gave me the cue to say what I said.

"I never expected us to hang out again, so I'm relieved that we are."

What followed was a very brief discussion (led by me) about expectations and needing to sync up with him where that is concerned. As he said, with most of his best friends (a group he includes me in) sometimes there are months of no contact, but there is always this ability to pick it back up with no problem. I told him again that it was not about him forgetting, it was about what I felt. He apologized--somewhat. But at this point an apology is not really necessary. It's the least of all the considerations to be made.

Much like my dreams, the knowledge that he is dating someone smarted, but was not devastating--not the way it would have been a year ago--even three months ago, but of course I may simply be in shock. I forced myself (and it wasn't very hard afterall) to ask how he met her, where she lives, etc. To recognize what he told me. I am seeing someone. There.

It's funny. I even acurately conjectured months ago the way he was most likely to meet this someone. Through his former roommate at a party in late December. One must wonder what good such on-target prediction pertaining to the dashing of one's hopes, is. Perhaps it is a kindness--to be prepared for hard news. I felt that this would be revealed to me tonight, but I was not crippled with fear. I didn't feel the urge to avoid it.

Aside from this, I caught him up on all the latest, shared my disillusionment with the politics of poetry at my university. I acted just like a friend and even picked up the bill at the end. 4 beverages is not so expensive, and no messy splitting the check with different credit cards business to belabor the process. Because he walked to my place and we ended up just going to the One World, we parted ways just outside the cafe. He is sick, he fears, and is looking forward to imbibing some Nyquil as soon as possible, so there was no attempt to linger.

Before I left him, he did an odd thing. An intimate thing. he wrapped my scarf around my neck. He told me to keep in touch. I turned around only once to watch him set off in the opposite direction.

I don't know if I will keep in touch. I want to, but I don't know if I will.