You May Be Wondering Why I've Gathered You All Here...

Last night I met a man for coffee. I made this person's acquaintance through Yahoo! Personals (I recently reengaged the world of online dating). His initial note stated that he thought we'd be intellectually compatible though not, in all likelihood, a romantic match; we began to exchange a series of e-mails.

It was clear to me based on his photos that I was in no danger of being physically attracted to him, but his e-mails were wonderfully intelligent and I was intrigued by his being a lecturer at a local university (he has a Ph.D in History) and a playwright.

Very early on in our e-mail exchanges he told me that he "makes liberal use" of Internet search engines and had already discovered my blog. On the one hand there was something off putting about this, on the other I reasoned that he was being completely above board and that it would be sinister for him to have found it, read it, but to have said nothing...

He wondered if he would be walking into what he called the "equivalent of a reality tv scenario" should he and I ever meet. I explained that while I certainly blog about my life, I do so with discretion. I assured him that one meeting (not even a date) with someone would likely not merit an entry, but that knowing his concern upfront ensured that I would not discuss it.

At the outset of our meeting, I discerned pathological, socially awkard behavior. His comments were astute, his conversation engaging (he referenced my blog liberally), and while I did not feel ill-at-ease, per se, I also understood that I would not likely meet up with him again. I hadn't ruled it out, but his awkwardness seemed to be of the prohibitive variety.

Anyway, the Starbucks where I'd agreed to meet him didn't have much in the way of seating so we decided to go to another restaurant (Donna's) on the same street. With one proviso. That we not walk past a particular establishment because he had a run-in with the proprietor(s) at some point, and he "didn't want them to see his face."

I didn't ask about it.

After wrapping up at Donna's (he paid for my food and drinks while I was in the bathroom--I'd intended to pay for myself, but he seemed nonplussed, so we moved on and I thanked him), he suggested that we go to a coffee shop across the street for more drinks. I agreed b/c I was having a pleasant enough time. I knew it was getting late, but didn't want to end things too abruptly.

Throughout the course of our conversation he mentioned other women he'd met, or not met, through the site. In one case where nothing had come of a series of e-mail exchanges, he told me that the woman had shared "enough about herself" that he'd been able to determine that she is a singer/songwriter. He went to some of her shows. I don't think he ever went up to her or approached her--and these events were public,so he did nothing wrong--but it's creepy, no?

He talked about his ex-wife and some searches he did for her and her now-husband and the things he found out.

I understand that we live in an age where "googling" people is not atypical. But there was something obsessive and not quite right about the inclination he has. I can't describe it. Obsessive isn't quite right, but close.

Anyway, we're at this second place and he prefaces the first of two fairly significant revelations with the following: "now i'm going to tell you the really juicy gossip."

He's a nudist.

[original text removed by author.]

The nudist/naturalist went on to tell me "I'm also into soft-core fetishes."

A sick feeling came over me.

He shared what his particular fetish is.

Earlier in the evening he'd spoken about a play he wrote that dealt with this topic. A lot of people write about a lot of things. I thought nothing of it. Seamy underbelly. Moving on.

But when he made these revelations my flight instincts kicked in to high gear. I knew that I needed to sqaush any inclination or self-imposed pressure I might have to "be nice."

As I sat there thinking of the most expedient way to leave, he said "just to let you know, being my friend has nothing to do with these elements of my life." I assured him that I understood that.

Then I made my excuses. He said again, "okay, but before you go, just know that these kinky preferences are distinct from my friendships."

So why did he tell me about them? Maybe out of a desire to be above board. Maybe because it's just his hook to tell the few women he writes (his profile is not viewable--I could only see it because he established contact with me) that he thinks they have intellectual simpatico so he can lure them out for drinks while he discusses his "interests."

In an attempt to make a graceful exit, I told him that I'd had a nice time, and may check out the music performances he'd mentioned, and that I'd "love to hang out again sometime." I despise myself for feeling that I had to say that to soften the blow, to make the exit easier. I just wanted out and needed to seize the moment.

True to his word, he sent me four of his plays (I requested these before the revelations). They arrived in my inbox about an hour after our meeting. I didn't reply to his e-mail with the attachments and I won't.

While in some sense the damage is done (He's read pages and pages and pages of my blog--tracking software enables me to determine this), I made my blog "invitation only," so that he cannot read more or go back to pages he's already read for reference.

Knowing him he's probably committed several things to memory. And I have written enough about my life that he'd be able to determine things I don't even want to think about.

I don't know if he's a potential danger or just creepy, but I felt weird about the idea of leaving my house at 5:20 to go to the gym (as is my habit)this morning, so I didn't.

I deleted my profile from Yahoo! Personals (the venture didn't really feel organic this time, anyway).

Statistically, I guess I was due to meet a freak--afterall, each of my previous exchanges were with fairly normal, well-adjusted men. They weren't right for me or even interesting (most of them), but I never felt like I felt last night.

So, welcome to my private blog. The entries will probably get decidedly more interesting (less need for discretion)as a result of this turn of events--but that's just a fun by-product of a necessary measure.

There you have it.