not before i'm ready

i've been considering putting myself back "out there." as much as i'd like to believe you can still meet a nice guy to date through some organic context like friends, a common hobby, or even while you're both waiting on line at the neighborhood coffee shop, i know that that is so 1993. Online--that is to say the Internet--is the organic context through which people meet now.

i'm chagrined to return to the same well twice, but i also understand one simple fact. i went on 4 dates in the space of a month and a half last spring because i put myself on a dating site, not because any of my friends knew someone or because a smart hottie saw me poring over a formidable text at Barnes & Noble and just had to have my number.

i can say this. i won't be making any moves in this direction until i reach my goal weight. both of these pursuits (relationships and fitness) require a great deal of effort and energy and i won't shortchange my own processes this time. and beyond that, even, i've got another "thing" going on. i've got to get this side "project" to a good point before i can take on men and their craziness again.

so why did i bring this up, then? because for the first time in months someone made an overture toward me via the aforementioned dating site even though my profile is inactive and "unsearchable." actually, this guy wrote to me before and i wasn't interested. or maybe i just remember his profile. in any case, he's not the point. the point is that i think this happened because it will be time, soon, to revisit that weird little world of first dates.

i can't stay hung up on the last man i kissed, afterall. he's nowhere to be found.