Letting in Loveliness

the last time I checked in I wasn't doing so well. I'd been tense (increasingly so over a period of days), hormonal, insecure, and my perfectionist streak, as usual, was proving to be a liability.

a planned day off on Friday was the perfect mental health respite. I woke up at 6 (not 5!) and went to the gym for a beautiful 50-minute elliptical ride, went to the bank afterward to pick up quarters for laundry, then came home and did said laundry. A long, leisurely shower later and I was ready to head up to the suburbs to pick up a few trinkets and tokens for Sarah--this weekend was the friendaversary gift exchange. Friday also happened to be her last day at her job, so I wanted to find something appropriate to mark that occasion as well.

I met up with S and two of her now former coworkers for dinner at Christopher Daniel. I decided that I would definitely get a cocktail--my signature vodka martini--up. I opted to do two starters for my meal--cashew encrusted lamb chops (baby chops) in a hoisin sauce and bbq shrimp on a scallion grit cake. Dessert was a pumpkin bread pudding and decaf (black) coffee.

Saturday was delightfully busy. Sarah set up her new laptop (much needed for her online grad program), we did some preliminary shopping for next weekend's party, then we met up with E for a girls' night of sushi and gabbing about boys. Even though my weekend has been pleasant, even-paced, and stress-free, i've still found it difficult to get work off of my mind.

After Sarah dropped me off at home early this afternoon, I made my way to the gym (had to make up for the turtle chex mix, volcano roll, and 3 glasses of pinot noir debacle of last night). Forced myself not to go into the office afterward (right next door to the gym) to review edits/comments on my project documents. Whatever happened while I was out will keep until tomorrow. I've become obsessive and unhealthy. Stepping back in order to gain some perspective is my next crucial step.

I think I've got a solid game plan in place. I'm only halfway through. It's not too late to change things for the better. What I'm doing, the way I'm doing it isn't working. I've got to grow up and prove that I deserve the responsibility I've been given. I need to relax. Time and time again I see it. When I panic, I make stupid choices.

So. I'm going to keep working hard and smart at the office. and I'm going to plan this fete, and I'm going to keep it steady.

I'm also going to let go of whatever it is that keeps the loveliness from coming in. One thing at a time.