Relationship-Ready

I think that a few items are prerequisites for starting up an exclusive, dating relationship.

1) A healthy self-concept
2) An informed perspective
3) Financial independence/responsibility by way of gainful employment or lucrative, legitimate production of goods
4) Living independently, or in a roommate situation with a peer, but preferrably alone
5) Emotional freedom
6) Generosity of spirit
7) Tolerance

I don't know that I'm ready for a relationship. I like to think that I am. Of course I'm more ready now than I have ever been, but I don't know if I'm ready enough to let myself be loved, to really let someone look at me so closely. And I don't know if I'm intolerant enough of the deception that "all is well," to really entreat my eyes to see a man for who he is.

Maybe deep down I'm still too ashamed of the dark places in me to subject another person to what I keep hidden.

At this very moment, I feel particularly afraid of the notion of being emotionally and spiritually accountable to a man. I hear the call to be a rolling stone that gathers no moss. But that rolling stone paradigm is largely a defense mechanism. I became that stone out of the fear that if I ever stood still long enough I would only discover that I was unwanted anyway.

So, what if I decided that I am ready to open up my heart for inspection? Would he want to know those terrible secrets I've been keeping?

I might decide to be brave, and this could all still end up being moot.