Melting

The wonderfully With It Devika Keral breezed into town last night to stay with me because she had an exam to sit for in Baltimore. Being somewhat vapid lately, I didn't realize it was Restuarant Week, but we managed to be seated with no problem at Sascha's and benefitted from the fixed price menu.

Last night after Devika retired, I decided to tackle my taxes. I e-filed a little too quickly and didn't catch one major mistake (and forgot to claim the 32 dollars of interest from my ING direct account), so I went in and added the new information, but I was still showing a refund from the state (if you live in Maryland, you know this is not likely unless you fall below the poverty line). Fortunately, the Feds and the state took the revised information, even thought I couldn't e-file again.

So, even though my fed return is probably right now, another amended State return means that i know owe the state (much more realistic), but the thing is so gnarled that I have to wait until the refund my error yielded hits my account, and then I have to mail it back to them, plus what I actually owe them.

to be on the safe side i'm having a turbotax rep review my federal return to make sure I don't have to send another amended return to them. gah.

I got to bed after 1 (close to 2?), but woke up to have a leisurely breakfast and conversation with my guest before she had to head off to take her test.

She happened to have enough time for a quick bite with me before heading back to DC, and that was that. It was completely effortless to be around her (as always), and even babygirl warmed up to her fairly quickly (the odd growl notwithstanding).

i'm anxious to do my FAFSA for next year now, but I think I need to heed the lesson of being too fast with things. I'll wait to make sure my Federal info is kosher before I proceed.

Yesterday afternoon, I had my second first class of the semester. I've already started reading Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy (our first book) and am looking forward to going back next week. a good sign.

the start of something

Electronic Publishing (the course) is right up my alley. The instructor is a young alum of the MFA program, is fun, accessible, and laid back. this is a very hands-on course, so we meet in a Mac lab. All the machines have names. My computer is MacLovin.

We all started blogs for class and our homework is assigned to us via the blog the instructor set up. I can't wait to go back. This was the perfect class to pair with my memoir workshop (first meeting is tomorrow). I can't wait to become a real epubber.

Spring Semester

starts tomorrow...

my class is from 5:30 to 8. and I'm having groceries delivered between 7 and 9 tomorrow night. oh, and i have to go pick up my crate & barrel delivery from my leasing office between 7:30 and 8 tomorrow morning. i'll check in after all this goes down to tell you how it went.

my obamicon

Shirking

I should have made plans to go to the Inauguration. I should have been at Barack Obama's speech in front of City Hall here in Baltimore on Saturday. I can't help but feel like watching the proceedings on CNN is a cop out and a failure to properly observe history. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be so jealous of people who can say "I was there." I never ever see the big picture.

It's not that it wouldn't have been a logistical nightmare. It would have been. I just can't help but think I should have braved all manner of cold and inconvenience for this moment.

Getting There

I've been home from my weekly sleepover at Sarah's since about 12:30 and am proud to say that a 5-pound loss (my new self-devised food plan is already working)and my new debt reduction plan have both inspired me to get myself in gear. I've snapped out of that insidious, overwhelming funk I was in.

It helped that my day planner and page-a-day calendars arrived late last week (I don't do well without physical calendars to write stuff in and that I have to turn with my own hands). It was powerfully inspiring.

what is more, come Thursday I'm going to finally go ahead and buy new dishes and flatware like I've been wanting to for more than a year now. I found the pieces I want at Crate & Barrel.

had my last in-person HHG meeting last Tuesday; Luke and i will maintain e-mail contact (at my request) for the next month and a half in lieu of meetings because I need to open up my life to accommodate the start of the semester next week.

what is more, Sarah and I planned a weekend away in St. Michael's for the first weekend in March. I was last there about 8 years ago and have really wanted to go back. It's my way of creating something to look forward to in Winter.

All this planning gives me a sense of control and helps me to feel more engaged with my life. It's done a world of good.

Feel like something of schlub for not braving the cold to see Obama in Charm City yesterday, but the crowd alone would have annoyed me. Once I factored in a 9 degree situation, I just couldn't bear the thought.

Instead of being a physical part of history, I chose to do all manner of practical things like go shopping for soap refills, Lysol wipes, V-day gift bags, and toiletries.

Tonight, after chatting with Devika Keral (per our pre-arranged phone date), I'm going to figure out lunches and dinners for the week.

The only night I don't have to worry about is Thursday. My dear E is leaving Baltimore for points south (awesome new job!), so we are going out to eat. I cannot believe a member of the inner circle is leaving. Guess I'll have to visit her. Not that I'm keen to fly after that Hudson River landing.

the goings on

i'm waiting for a grocery delivery (window is 7 to 9 tonight). there is nothing to eat in the house unless you count part of an onion and some cherry tomatoes (which I don't), and i'm starving. in an effort to get the bge bill down, i'm refraining from turning on the heat. i wonder how long this big show of fortitude will last. it is a fact about me that i don't believe i should have to be uncomfortable if it can be prevented at all. i would not have done well in a frontier scenario. nothing involving forging a trail. i can soldier through things--some things--well, not most things.

okay, so the heat's back on...

A Spike in the Numbers

Some months ago I checked my credit score online. It was pretty abysmal. I checked again tonight because I had a sneaking suspicion that it would be better and that confirming that improvement would raise my mood (which is not abysmal, per se, but I digress). It is approximately 60 points higher than it was before. I have moved from "poor" to "fair."

Then I faced the number I had more than a sneaking suspicion would be oh so much higher than before. I haven't weighed myself in months because I've been creeping up the scale. I knew that. I knew that. I'd been telling myself "I won't get on the scale until I've started to lose weight." It became clear, though, that not facing that number was enabling my denial.

my clothes are tight. i don't feel like doing my hair because my clothes are tight. i am heading back to the place i was before back when i didn't think i was worth much.

if you've seen this month's cover of O magazine, you know she's wondering how she could let herself gain the weight back after so many years of struggle and the ultimate triumph over her food issues. I know exactly how she feels.

i see a holistic health person. i had all these good intentions. i did so well for so long.

so that number, too, spiked. not quite 50 points up, but not that far off. i know what to do, but i don't know where to begin.

it would seem that life continues to be a tradeoff.

Happy New Year.

I'm working from home today due to the threat of a wintry mix. It's the sixth day of the new year and so far 2009 feels a little foreboding. it's too much to get into here, but i had a dream...

The holidays were wonderfully calm and full; I have no complaints. When I have downtime, I'm catching up on the entire history of the Gilmore Girls with Crystal, who owns all the seasons, save for the last (soon to be rectified). I did not watch this show when it was a current series and I'm glad about that. I love watching one episode right after the other and not having to wait an entire week for closure. right now we're in the thick of the Rory/Lorelai months-long standoff of Season 6. If you watched GG, you know what I'm talking about...

Right before the end of the year, I completed my second review of the novel. Mr. CE came over to get the manuscript on New Year's Eve afternoon. I made him some hazelnut hot chocolate (w/a hint of vanilla syrup). he watched a bit of a movie while i made a shrimp curry w/jasmine rice for the festivities i was attending later that day.

it's a good thing that classes don't start for another three weeks because i am so not ready to have assignments again. I had almost two weeks off starting December 23rd (through yesterday) and I have found, once again, that it is so easy to fill up one's day with many meaningful things that do not involve work for someone else.

ah, to be independently wealthy.