OMG, Y'all!

so, i think i've learned a thing or two about being breezy with men. i've learned that i can only be casual when i don't give a rat's ass, and my feelings for the gentleman with whom i was supposed to eat sushi tonight are pretty much on par with my feelings for a rat's hindquarters. it's not personal, i just didn't know him enough to be invested.

on Monday, during an IM date planning session, he embedded a link to Victoria's Secret and asked if he could buy me "a new bra and panties" so he could imagine me in them during our date. I'd stepped away from my desk before he made the query, so there was a lapse in my reply. He took that to mean I was offended and "withdrew" the question. i was surprised, to say the least, but not really put off. He self-corrected, said it was inappropriate, that he was having a "dull day." i thought my e-mail was great. i basically told him that he could not buy me underwear "at this juncture," but that i would be happy to let him buy me sushi and cocktails.

he replied in this cold, flat way: "fair enough," he said.

i sent a confirming e-mail today and he was suddenly "not really over [his] divorce," and just looking "to have great sex on a regular basis."

i laughed out loud because as soon as this man said he wanted to buy me a bra, i knew that he was hoping for a very specific kind of affiliation. i'm not stupid. i'm also almost 35. i know that if a relationship progresses, sex is on the table for consideration, but Good Lord!

men are really just not making any bones about the fact that that's it for them. you're smart! you make me laugh! oh, you don't wanna have sex with me right away? sadly, this cannot go anywhere.

really, it's such stupidity and they're getting in their own way.

so, i laughed because i am breezy, and one look at this guy and i knew he wasn't my destiny. i did something that was socially evolved of me. i wrote him, let him know that dinners, movies, and sex (the only things he wants to do with a woman) were all on the table for discussion, without the parameters of a relationship construct, because like him, i didn't want anything deep. i stressed that i didn't hope he'd change his mind, and that i respected the honesty. i also let him know how transparent (how laughably transparent)he is, and that i regret nothing except the fact that i won't be getting any sushi tonight.