headed in the right direction

today was better than i thought it would be. in spite of not wanting to work out this morning, i dragged my sleepy self to the gym at the normal time. i decided to forego my lifting routine after 40 minutes on the elliptical in favor of hitting the ground running at work. good choice. i'm going to end the week in an advantageous position--some deliverables out a bit early, others ready to submit early the morning after Labor Day.

Speaking of September 4th, I'm looking forward to spinning bright and early on my 34th birthday. I can't think of a better way to begin that day or a better gift to give myself.

I've been off balance the last couple of days, but I'm coming to a familiar conclusion. I need to loosen my grip, breathe, and wait. Whatever disappointments I have, it's time to release them. To my quote my beloved Rilke:

Who has no house now,will never build one.
Who is alone now, will long remain so,
will stay awake, read, write long letters
and will wander restlessly up and down
the tree-lined streets, when the leaves are drifting.

coming together

after the football game that wasn't (pouring rain, a delayed kick-off in the rain, etc.) meant that my good friend E and I ate exhorbitantly priced stadium food and stood around for a couple of hours at FedEx Field. I know the seats were stellar and it was a chance to see the team I grew up rooting for battle the team that represents the town I feel like I'm from, but it just wasn't to be. E and I agreed that if we'd had rain coats (or even just been wearing long pants), it might have been worth it to sit in the rain. I, however, was wearing a denim skirt that stopped just at the knee, a flimsy cardigan set on top, and chunky Mary Janes. Believe me, it was cute, but it wasn't going to cut it in that weather.

E dropped me off at Sarah's (she was supposed to attend the game, too, but didn't feel well) afterward where I spent the night. After a grocery run this morning, S and I parted ways so I could get to the gym and then come back home to do my laundry (3 sizeable loads).

Thankfully, while I was out at the gym the window repairman came and fixed my bathroom window. I haven't been able to open it for a month. Whatever the mechanism is that holds a window up once it's lifted, was broken. Having that window open means an effective cross breeze, which alleviates, at least at night, the mugginess in this place (no a/c except for the bedroom).

As soon as he left (I got back before he was finished), I did my resistance bands routine and started laundry. With that done in short order, I set about preparing a prawn salad over mixed greens for dinner. Once it was ready to be enjoyed, I popped in "North By Northwest"--love Hitchcock--and relaxed.

Near the end of the movie I got restless. I got up and started tidying and dusting. I purged some papers, did my toenails, and rearranged a little furniture. I think having a cup of coffee at 4 in the afternoon may have been a bit late, caffeine-wise.

Tomorrow morning I am working out at home (early business meeting will be less complicated if I skip the gym scene). I thought about giving myself the day off, but given that my gym is closed Thursday though Labor Day (annual cleaning), I really shouldn't skip any workouts. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday it's just not likely that I'll get in my cardio fix, so I should save up for the slacking that is part and parcel of a holiday.

Have a great week everyone!

On the Scene

What I love about working out at my gym (aside from its proximity to my j-o-b) is that it has a friendly staff who beam at you when you bop in at 6 am (when the doors open), and how congenial all the squash players that flock there are. The typical squash player at MMAC is a middle-aged, white, businessman who needs to get in his raquet fix before he hits the grind. They line up, along with me, outside the doors at 5:57, coffee in one hand, suit for postworkout on a drycleaner hanger in the other--plotting their matches for the week. I like these men. I like that they hold doors for me (and each other) and smile. I like that "you're-in-the-gym-first-thing-in-the-morning-just-like-me nod" that they bless me with.

And for the gentlemen who are there rocking the elliptical or the spin bike (depending on the day) like me, I get the smiles and waves that say "we're all in it together." There's one man who says "have a good one" when I head off to lift after the elliptical dismount. Our smiles of acknowledgment are so sincere; I don't even know when these little exchanges began, but this man has such a kind face, I look forward to catching his eye just so I can say hi.

I want to make sure I'm giving you an accurate picture--this is not a meat market. This isn't about the old "once over." Any of these men could be my father (or grandfather). We're seeing each other at our sweaty bests, though, and that creates a feeling of fraternity.

A couple of the women that I see in the locker room or in spin are complete gems. They're all about the validation. One of them said to me the other day "Good morning, Skinny!" And on another occasion, I heard, as I was getting dressed: "All your clothes are too big!"

This fitness center draws all kinds--young and old; the wealthy and the decidedly middle class; men and women (and children--there's a kids care room where parents can deposit their little ones while they take classes or use the machines). The diverse class offerings are part of the monthly membership (except for advanced pilates), and you don't even have to be a member to do water aerobics (there's just a 5-dollar drop in fee).

If you're in the City of Charm and are looking for a place to tone up or slim down, definitely consider it.

length

I had a hair appointment today for the first time in about a month. I canceled the last two due to short funds and because they weren't absolutely necessary. I'm amazed at the length I've gained in such a short while (I attribute it to drinking more water and eating better, in general)! I had this idea that I would get it cut short short in 10 more pounds (when I reach my "interim goal"), but my stylist told me how much she admired it and how healthy it's looking. She reminded me that I can always cut my hair, but that if I'm enjoying it long, I should let it do its thing for a while--and then, before transitioning to my short, short look, I should play with different cuts of various lengths. She mentioned a bob (something funky and angular). I got very very excited.

So, when I go back in a month, it'll be all about fresh highlights.

another way to get in the workout

i just scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees. i'm sorry to say it needed it. Swiffer gets props for reinventing the mop concept, but sometimes it's elbow grease or nothing.

"4 reps left . . ."

resistance bands first thing, then a breakfast of 1 tilapia filet and a quarter baked yam w/ 1/2 serving of brummel & brown (yogurt based "butter" substitute). now? getting ready for church.

Anatomy of a Saturday

6:55: Wake up; Contemplate a pre-workout meal

7:10: Attired in workout gear; eat a rice cake with a peanutbutter shmear (sp?) while watching part of an "Office" season 1 epi

7:30: At the lightrail waiting for a north-bound train

8:05: Enter the gym; mount an elliptical

9:00: Dismount elliptical; begin a truncated lifting routine

9:51: Back home; shower; consider post-workout meal

12:00: Leave to meet Sarah in Lutherville

1:00: Amble around Kohl's with the Sarah-one; find really amazing purse and chunky necklace that I cannot afford--do not buy these items, but do buy way discounted sunglasses; get in the car and head to points even further north

1:45: Sushi at Wegman's (brown rice spicy salmon roll)

2:30: Greetings and Readings Book store to read magazines (quizzes and celebrity gossip!)

2:35: Ponder the deevolution of Britney Spears; Realize, again, that Brad Pitt &Angelina Jolie are deflecting intimacy [with each other] by compulsively adopting children from all over the world; Read of Jill Scott's divorce and think "a woman still has to choose between personal, professional success and the success of her relationships."

4-ish: Head to target so S can buy lip liner and mascara

4:30-ish: Realize that I'm hungry and need to eat like right then!

5 or so: Tide over snack while pondering a real meal

6:00: Drive to Canton and settle on a placed called "Dockside"

6:45: come to the conclusion that while I would go there again, I wish I had gotten something other than the softshell crab

7:30: hunt around for the perfect vantage point from which to photograph the Domino Sugar sign (do not find said vantage point)

8:00: Back home; prep for bill-pay this week; blog a bit; switch out check register; putter about
10:08: blog again; contemplate church tomorrow; realize that I am peckish; consider doing resistance bands DVD routine first thing in the morning as opposed to evening, as per usual on a Sunday. . .

Here's Another

opposite sides of the table

the day that started off great but got progressively worse

i woke up this morning at 5 a.m., as per usual. i felt a remarkable ease settle over me almost immediately. it was still pitch black outside, i wasn't even dressed, but felt that this tuesday had all the makings of greatness about it.

i got to spin class and hit the zone so hard and so fast that you couldn't have told me i wasn't one with my fly-wheel. i pushed through the resistance. i killed in position three. i sprinted. i jumped. and it didn't even affect me.

a lovely, thoughtful communique from my boss put me in an even more wonderful mood--today is my one-year anniversary at the company and she wanted to let me know she remembered. tremendous.

several hours later and i have to say that while i am maintaining perspective, i do not believe that i am still within the same 24-hour period--the same date on the calendar as when i opened my eyes in a state of sheer bliss this morning.

some plans of mine were rescheduled. again. in general, something i've been hoping for has not happened and i have no reason to think it will. ever. and what is more, snags in a project of mine are making me feel less than great about the efforts i've been putting forth--though i feel like i'm killing myself to be great, somehow these efforts are not translating.

it's been a long time since i've felt like crying, throwing up my hands.

the latest issue of O Magazine arrived. I took the Schema test. It looks like a case of Abandonment and Unrelenting Standards plague my relationships. No kidding.

this is to say nothing of the random bit of skin that i somehow sliced off my thumb (i have no idea how this happened), or the fact that i forgot my mesh sponge and body wash, so i had to rely on the gym's soap for my shower this morning...)

because it's too hot to wear anything else

i'm in my apartment sporting a pair of boxers and a camisole. after work today i waded out into that humid soup to make a quick run to the grocery store. i debated getting a cheeseburger from the City Cafe (calorie-wise i could have afforded it), but have put a strict spending limit on myself for the foreseeable future. i opted to pick up some chicken, diced tomatoes, and brown rice because it would a)sate m hunger without being indulgent and b)yield leftovers for lunch. there's a time and a place for indulgence and today, i felt, was not that time.

nothing much is new. i'm coming upon my one year anniversary at work, am in the throes of a big project. time marches on.

A little melancholy

there is a moment of exultation and extreme sadness, comingled, when i leave the office for the day and walk to the light rail stop to wait for the train that will bear me home. i think 'my time is my own for the next 12 hours.' the evening is spread out before me like a table. then, right on its heels, i realize that i know everything i'm going to do. enter my apartment building at approximately 5:57 p.m.; check the mail; take the elevator to my floor; open the mail; fling down my gym bag and remove the day's workout clothes and accoutrements; prepare a low-cal, low-fat dinner; watch sitcoms in syndication . . .

there is a bit of a reprieve when i have evening plans, but the absence of actual possibility on five nights out of seven is rather like a dull knife thrust in the heart.

then, of course, it is summer in the mid-Atlantic. it is August in the mid-Atlantic. in addition to being unbearably hot, it is also, this year, the beginning of the first anniversary of 3 deaths (in close succession)my family suffered last year.

i remember what those unsuspecting days were like. just like these.

i sense a theme

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly. You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality. People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

divit

today i found (and used) the weight machine that targets the small of the back. i think it's my new best friend.