Yield

Catchka-bell and I spent the late morning and early afternoon in the valley (hunt valley, that is) yesterday. Ended up spending money, however wisely, on some sorely-needed things. It's so hard for me to part with cash anymore. I feel this constant tension between wanting to save and needing stuff. Anyway, my gym shoes have been dead for about two years. I finally bought some new, sweet New Balance all-terrain sneaks on clearance.

After I got home, one of my neighbors came up and bought 70.00 worth of my cds! That felt like an instant validation of my choices, because I'd been worried that I was basically living beyond my means and choosing between having something to wear and being true to my efforts toward fiscal responsibility.

Anyway, as soon as I got that cash in hand, I hoofed it to an atm and deposited it.

Today, I'm going to order my new furniture and arrange for delivery. gah!

Just checked out my sister's and my cell phone bill (family plan). Gah. again.

Moving Sale!

So, I put up signs throughout my building advertising things I do not intend to take with me into the next phase of my life. A couple of mugs, some glassware, bookshelves that are still functional but not aesthetically pleasing, a swiffer mop with a nearly-full box of swiffer pads. The list goes on. As I mentioned in the last post, I unloaded the couches (I've already picked out new furniture!) last week. I don't feel nearly as nostalgic about them as I thought I would.

They were the first pieces of brand new furniture I purchased for the first apartment I lived in completely alone. And there are a couple of other reasons those couches are memorable...

At this point, all my books, cds, china cabinet contents, and purses/totebags are packed. I've taken a lot of things off the walls and I've given a bag of stuff to Goodwill. I'm far from done throwing things out. I love moving for this reason: it brings stunning clarity to me about what possessions it's time to unload. It's amazing, really. Every time I'm packing up, I find things that I can't believe I didn't throw out the last time!

It's a relief to be the opposite of my mother in this way. I have never had a problem letting material things go. This is not to say that I'm not sentimental about a few items, but eventually I come to the conclusion that my time with stuff is done. I'm able to realize that what it represents can't ever be changed. That helps a lot.

I'm also giving myself permission to outgrow my possessions without guilt. I want to keep evolving.

On a separate, but related note: My new address means I will have lived on two of the most important streets in central Baltimore. Maybe in a couple of years, I'll go for number three!

Lost in Electroland

Had a night out on the town with two coworker friends last night. We hit up XS for dinner then went to see "Lost In Electroland" at the Baltimore Theatre Project. Funny. The Scot was there--The Scot being the gentleman I had one very nice date with at this time last year. This play was produced, cooperatively, by the BTP and the Towson MFA in Experimental Theatre program. The Scot graduated from there as a playwright. This was not his play, but he helped out with production.

Quick wave. A smile. Nothing more. The fact that I didn't really feel the need to have a conversation with him, coupled with the fact that I started to feel like I was coming down with something halfway through the production, meant I left immediately after the lights came up.

Sometimes you have one really great date with someone and that's it. Because I met him after I met Mr. Close Encounters, I wasn't really invested anyway.

Sometimes I worry that I'm completely dried up. One of my friends mentioned last night how she sees couples do cute things and it's heart-melting (or something like that). I do not have this experience. I don't begrudge apparent affection between people. I simply don't notice it. And if I do, it certainly doesn't melt my heart. I just think "Wow, wonder what one or both of them is sacrificing to perpetuate that illusion."

I've heard enough conversations between married people and long-term daters to know that someone, one of them, at least, is not actually happy.

Anyway, things are moving along.

The couches? Out! Now I just need to score some packing tape and the games can begin.

Transition

Haven't blogged much lately because I'm in limbo--my least favourite state. Waiting for my buyer to come get the couches, waiting for a financial aid award letter so I can accept the award, waiting to get paid so I can pay bills and buy moving tape. I'm waiting to be inspired. Everything seems largely contingent on something else that's not happening. blah.

I'm out of town at the beginning of next week. Meetings in the Lone Star State.