hitting my stride

i felt as in my element in my classroom today as i've ever felt anywhere. saw my "almost student" in the hallway after I dismissed my kids, and he said "I wanted to be in your class, but it wasn't to be..." that was sweet.

My First Disappointment

On Tuesday, my freshman composition class met for the first time. The standard syllabus review fare and introductions were all I had on the table, but a few of my students' personalities came through clearly, and I found that I had a strong sense of those kids almost right away.

One of these is a young man who carries in his being earnest mindfulness and acute intelligence. He showed up, as did a few others, at least 20 minutes early, which I appreciated and made a mental note of.

In taking attendance, I discovered that his name wasn't on my roster. And for as much as I hoped it was a mistake due to late registration, I had a sinking feeling that this kid was too advanced for my syllabus.

He asked a question about collective essay events, first of all. My first tip, aside from that mysterious factor x that told me he was set apart. Aside from that, he was in the front row, giving the best, most appropriate indications of paying attention (eye contact, other, nonverbal acknowledgments, small smiles at my lame jokes, etc.). Basically, he was a port in the storm, the person I knew was tracking with everything I said.

Today, after I did some asking and digging, it became clear that he is actually registered for the class that meets after mine in the same room. The Honors Composition class.

I was so disappointed, but also very happy for him that he'll be more challenged and that he won't be understimulated by some of the material that I need to cover, according to pedagogy, for my class section.

bummer, though.

not off to a great start, it seems

turned in my syllabus to department head for review and was told it's fine, but that a few things need tweaking. yet, one of his few comments was about the pacing and scaffolding of lessons. to my mind, this means the whole syllabus needs to change. apparently, kids don't write till they're a month in. granted, i don't remember my freshman writing class, but I would almost swear that we had a paper due at the second week.

i'm not quite sure what to do.

online dating again?

should i bite the bullet and try the dreaded eHarmony?

full interrogating the place i'm in

i've had a few opportunities to see into my own self in the last few months. i've rarely liked what i've seen. the old impulse toward irrational anger, the tendency to control, to not see possibilities, and to stay stuck also remain. i do not think of 2009 as having been a categorically bad year, though it is destined to be thought of as the collection of months when i mostly regressed.

the good things, though, are these:

i wrote about 10 new poems that have somewhere to go
i read my work twice in public
i won a msac individual artist grant
i (grudgingly) left a job where i was stuck and took steps to have the job i should have,
so i'm teaching my first undergrad writing course as adjunct faculty this spring

now to take another step. and do my syllabus. now to take the reins back more fully. now to be more intentionally walking in the right direction.