untethered

i had no moorings today. something wants desperately to be unearthed, but i use all my energy, always, to keep from flying apart. i swear, sometimes i feel like i'm still 6. all morning, i felt unsafe and afraid of deep places, of falling off edges. it takes me so long to recover from disappointments, to stop smarting from them.

so now there is a novel in real time. a novel within a novel. i hope the construct won't be my undoing.