It's a Family Affair (it's a family affair)...

So, we're 4 hours out from the Cookie Lee Jewelry party my sister and I are hosting at our place. Would you believe I've been to the grocery store three times for this event and still managed to forget something? My short-term memory sucks right now. Fortunately, Sarah agreed to pick up the two items and bring them with her when she comes...

Crystal is picking up my mom and the dog to bring them for the festivities. That should be interesting. My mom will bluster in like a hurricane with all her props and upset my apple cart. In any case, i'm alone in the apartment--something that's rarely ever the case--and it feels strange. I've realized something. I am motivated by sustained solitude. Being with another person for long periods of time is immobalizing. My sister couldn't be a better roommate, but I living with her (as would be the case with anyone) has crippled some basic part of the way I function.

I've got to get back into some sort of groove. Grad school is around the corner and this lethargy just won't do.

Am hoping the hhg can help; I've agreed to pay the fee to leverage his services to help me reach my goals. Remember how I said I thought I was developing a Middle Class (Bourgeoisie) paradigm? I think I've officially shifted. You know, the last thing I wanted was to be completely uninteresting. Here I am.

The hardest part about not dating right now is that the weather is consistently beautiful in the evenings. It's unfortunate that all of my dates, save the last two, were during cold weather when loneliness is somehow more palatable (though it's tough not to yearn for a warm body when you feel that first chill) and hibernation the norm. I'm not often lonely, and I guess I wouldn't say that I am lonely right now. There is the idea of someone specific that I miss, but it's not quite the same. But, the sun begs the presence of sexual tension, cocktails, walking out from some place cozy and romantic into a night that's just as hot as the day time. I guess there's no good time for a dalliance to end and no bad time for one to begin, but I feel old, suddenly, being home for the night by 6:00 p.m., having no plans.

In an effort to keep things interesting, I've decided that I want to start going to events that interest me, whether or not I have to go alone--in fact, I want to be intentional about going to things alone. The baby step is that I'll be going out to eat with only myself for company at least once a month during the summer. However much I might miss the perversely thrilling angst of wondering if a man will call, going out on dates is just not what's in store for me right now. I need to come to terms with some things about myself.

The two and a half months that I availed myself to the world of men and their strange ways will undoubtedly prove invaluable, even the ultmate disappointment that openness led to is priceless, and someday I'll be able to say I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm not there yet.

Which is why it's good for me to be alone for a while.