the valley of [in]decision

everything has come to a head all at once. some things are ending. others are shifting. everything is a question mark. my current lease will be up in a month, i'm at a career cross-roads, and i'm beginning to feel the weight of a gnawing unrest with my lack of exercise and slipshod diet.

i have no sense of agency. it's all rather depressing.

most interestingly perhaps, i've put two very specific romantic feelers out into the cosmos and the answer has been resounding silence. it's not the time for this now. i know that. not perfectly, perhaps, but as much as possible i put myself out there without an agenda and without any investment in a specific outcome. my energy is too dispersed.

and so what of Christmas? it seems to have come too soon again this year.